Jump to content

All Activity

This stream auto-updates     

  1. Past hour
  2. Holidays

    Ohh so sorry. I was doing OK till - you won't believe this. I had totally forgot that my nieces and nephews play a game in which they predict who will die in the next year, celebs, pols etc., and score their guesses from last year. Imagine me listening to them laughing about who died last year. Had to leave the group. The world has become one big minefield.
  3. Older Cat Dies Following Rabies Vaccination

    Hi Lattiee, im very sorry to hear your Baby Piggy passed away! 😞 it is so very sad; we love our Babies (of any species) and they pass away and we feel this gigantic pain😞!! I became happy to learn your Cat had a successful surgery!! This is wonderful news, indeed!! im sorry you are allergic to that medicine; however, it is good that you know it now so that you can avoid it!! Thank you so much for writing to me, I thank you for your message!! I am not doing well, so I am not writing much. I also wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!!! monica
  4. Today
  5. Holidays

    Spent the day in bed with the pup crying. My bride should be here. My grandchildren should be here. My heart is utterly broken 💔
  6. Holidays

    I went to bed crying and am still doing so. I can't be the only person spending this day alone, but it sure feels like it. The problem is I never have in my whole life til Steve left. It was always family as a kid, friends as a young adult then us and friends til finally just us. This is my 3rd. I now wish it hadn't been a big deal. Lots of people don't do anything. But once you have and make those memories, you can't undo them. Some people asked me to stop by for a visit. I'll get a to go plate for later. I'll hope I can pull off the chit chat. I've discovered I do have one dubious purpose. I am the reminder of what it could be like when they complain about discord or the hassle. Or the wow, so glad we are not her. It's not a role I ever wanted. I know it's hard for those here to be among family missing thier mate too. Being so alone is a real challenge to my sanity this year. Many other things to emphasize I am on my own happened in the last 6 months. I feel it finallly broke me this time. I'm grateful I had Steve in my life. Just haven't figured out how to have that make me feel better now. How to be grateful for the thing that brings me the most pain.
  7. Holidays

    My first Thanksgiving I struggled/choked through dinner, immediately excused myself under the excuse of really needing a nap, and then sobbed for an hour straight. Today, two years later I have the grandkids at the park thinking the whole time how sad t is they’ll never know the best Granma Watchie ever. But the tears flow fewer and slower.
  8. "happy" has become something like "cry less"
  9. Happy Thanksgiving to you also George, and to all of us who have lost family, but still we carry on. My sister, who considers herself a chef, and she learned a lot living in New Orleans so many years. She called and asked if I could eat pork sausage. I knew she was going to make dressing using it. No one in the rest of the family eats pork sausage. Ham and bacon are the only pork they eat. Brianna and I saw a movie and we now lay off hamburgers. (used to be my favorite food). We, most of us, hate turkey, but love chicken. Wish we still had the reunions that we had when I was a child. All the aunts, uncles, cousins and neighbors and other relatives with the sisters all in the kitchen fussing, always fussing over who cooked the best. Would like to be that innocent child again...........but, we have our memories, and I admit they are a poor substitute. Have as happy a day as you can. I know, "happy" is not in our vocabulary. We do our best.
  10. Holidays

    Holidays start today as the parade of "first without Susan" continues. I'll take the train to my brother's house, same train we always took. Being with my siblings & nieces and nephews is the best possible scenario but I'm still going to cry a lot. Then our routine - we were totally creatures of habit - was to cook our own small turkey on Sunday, a very warm and loving experience. I think being alone and not doing that will hurt more than anything today. Best wishes to all, Tom🐼
  11. It is such a blessing to have found this place and be able to share, care, and grow through this grief healing place. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Shalom
  12. Physical symptoms?

    Kevin, thank you for sharing your heart. My wife was totally disabled for the last six years of her life. Still the day I came home from work and found her dead it was such a complete and total shock to me. Nothing in my life prepared me for this. Being a caregiver adds another dimension to grief that I didn't even realize at the time. I searched the internet and finally found this wonderful place. I have been coming here ever since for 2 years and nine months. The people here have compassion, love, and acceptance of who we are no matter what brought us here. You are welcome to read my post from the beginning ( and many others) to discover that most of us have gone through or are going through what you are dealing with now, the utter Shock and AWE of the passing of our most beloved. This place with MartyT's professional wisdom and experience have helped each of us immensely in our grief healing journey. Many other people like Kayc, ENNA, KATPILOT, so many others have helped me and gave me hope in a very grim time of my life. There are tools and resources here to help you and all who want help are available. I listened, wrote, journaled, prayed, cried, etc.. and discovered what helps me on my grief healing journey. This is a SAFE place to share your heart and be accepted as you are. I pray you will continue to come here and share, listen, and learn as you are able. We are blessed to hear from you and look forward to sharing our grief journey with hope, love, and grace. - Shalom, George
  13. That is what we did for 18 magical years. Every October we hit the mystical back roads, the non-traveled dirt roads of an Arkansas that we would not see another car all day, except in hunting season. Tried to stay off them in hunting season. People took their hunting seriously. Even let out school. Billy took closeups of golden rods, every color leaf imaginable, even a purple one in the road one time. Strange, I don't even notice when they are changed now. One year it was hunting season and we came upon a camp of hunters, men, women, children, old clunker RV's, tents, all surrounding a big fire to keep warm. (I hope it was a rainy autumn).
  14. It truly is a unique journey, isn't it?! I find some things I keep up the traditions to honor him and other things I avoid, no seeming rhyme or reason as to which way I go, just what feels right to me. We all make different choices for ourselves but it's important to do what feels right to us at the time. There's been times I've had to push through and other times I've had to avoid things. For instance, I haven't gone for a drive to pick colorful leaves since George died...that is something we did together, just the two of us. Yet I put up a Christmas tree and decorations every year to honor him and his love for the holidays. I put his ornaments in a prominent place and each one carries such special memories. I hang his stocking next to mine. I invite him to come sit with me. Some might think me crazy and maybe I am, but it is what it is.
  15. Holidays

    I put my tree and decorations up yesterday. Normally I do so the day after Thanksgiving but this year I won't be home for Thanksgiving and I want to be able to relax Friday after driving so much today. 100% chance of rain today so not looking forward to the driving part, but I'm excited to get to see my grandchildren even if it is for a short while. And my daughter and son and DIL! I wasn't "feeling it" so debated on putting up the tree but I do so for George, to honor him, and always I invite him to come enjoy them with me. He loved everything about the holidays, he had so much zest for life and didn't want to miss a thing! I imagine him sitting next to me on the couch (making the cat move over) and taking it all in. Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
  16. Physical symptoms?

    Kevin, 12 1/2 years ago on Father's Day, I found myself in the same boat. This site has been a lifesaver to me. Sharing in our journeys, learning I'm not crazy after all, that my feelings are normal in grief, knowing I'm not alone with how I feel, all that helped. And there are countless articles here. As well as this list of books: Amazon gives you excerpts from them to give you an idea of what sounds of interest to you. I hope you'll continue coming here and posting/reading. A professional grief counselor is of immense help too in helping us through this journey.
  17. Laura, I'm glad he has a new friend in you, sometimes just being there makes a whole lot of difference! Happy Thanksgiving, dear friend!
  18. Khart12, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was 29, he was just 52. That was a million years ago. I have missed his being here for the birth of my kids and just here in general for our lives. Your dad knew you loved him and when he was dying, I'm sure that last fight was not what was playing in his head. Depressive feelings are common in grief, so can suicidal thoughts occur. I felt that way when my sweet husband died, he had just turned 51 and it was a complete and utter shock. But I realized it's not because I want to be dead, but rather because I didn't want to go through what I'd have to go through if I lived. Being here on this site was a lifesaver. I read articles and books and it helped me realize that my feelings were normal and I wasn't alone. It also gave me the strength to go on. I learned to take one day at a time. I hope you'll consider finding a professional grief counselor to help you in this journey. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html I also want to share this article I wrote based off my twelve years on this journey. I hope even one thing will be of help to you in it. TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this. I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey. Take one day at a time. The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew. It can be challenging enough just to tackle today. I tell myself, I only have to get through today. Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again. To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety. Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves. The intensity lessens eventually. Visit your doctor. Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks. They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief. Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief. If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline. I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived. Back to taking a day at a time. Try not to isolate too much. There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself. We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it! Some people set aside time every day to grieve. I didn't have to, it searched and found me! Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever. That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care. You'll need it more than ever. Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is. We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc. They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.] In time, consider a grief support group. If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". Be patient, give yourself time. There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc. They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it. It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters. Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time. That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse. Finally, they were up to stay. Consider a pet. Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely. It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him. Besides, they're known to relieve stress. Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage. Make yourself get out now and then. You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now. That's normal. Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then. Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first. You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it. If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot. Keep coming here. We've been through it and we're all going through this together. Look for joy in every day. It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T. It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully. You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it. It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it. Eventually consider volunteering. It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win. (((hugs))) Praying for you today.
  19. Loss of my older brother

    Klev95, I am sorry for your loss and for the way it happened. You seem to feel responsible somehow, as if you could have made a difference...maybe, maybe not, but his actions where his, not yours. You did well not to give an addict money so I'm glad you sought your dad's input. This is hard at best, a whole lot to deal with on your own, so I hope you are able to find a good grief counselor to help you through this. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html Your brother's troubles didn't begin or end with you. I wish for peace for you, it may take a while to get there, but that is my hope.
  20. Loss of my older brother

    Thank you, I will definitely look into those
  21. Here I am again

    That is a smart thing to take away! I hope you have a great Thanksgiving.
  22. I don't really know how to start this but I'm just so lost my Dad passed away on September 1st, 2017 just at 58 years old and losing his has been most horrible thing I have ever gone through and what hurts the most exactly a week before him and I got into one of the worst fights we have ever had I said the most hurtful and heartless things a daughter could ever say to her father and I hate myself so much for that be the last things we ever will hear from me again when I got the first voicemail from my step mom saying he was on his way to the hospital I just thought oh he's fine he's just going cause the pain in his legs cause him going tonthe hospital wasn't unusual for him and not even 5mins later I got another voicemail from my sister-in law telling me that he passed away I lost it and ever since I heard those words i lost myself I'm this depressed lost person who pushes everyone who loves me away I feel like I don't deserve to be happy or loved I keep telling myself no one loves or cares about me and I'm believing it I'm so stuck in my head and I can't Escape all I want is for this pain to go away I'm starting to think if I just disappear everyone would be happier I am having Suicidal Thoughts but I know in my broken heart I would never kill myself but I am having those thoughts im just so lost and just want my dad back he's my hero he saved me from my birth mom and her husband who did things to me when I was just two years old I jist need my daddy back so bad I hate having all this PAIN I just want it to go away
  23. Loss of my older brother

    First of all, please know that there is no "right way" to grieve. There is only YOUR way, because this death of your brother and your relationship with him are unique to you, and how you mourn the loss of him is as individual as you are. You will discover for yourself what works for you, as you lean into the pain of this traumatic loss and find ways to cope with and come to terms with it. Second, good for you for recognizing your need to "get some input on this" and for having the courage to reach out for the support you need and deserve! To the extent that we are able, we are here to offer you reliable information, comfort and support, but given the nature of this death and the circumstances surrounding it, I also encourage you to seek the sort of in-person support you will find with a qualified grief counselor or a grief support group. You might begin by doing a bit of reading, which I hope will help you to better understand what you are feeling and why: Grief: Understanding The Process The Grief of an Overdose Death: Part 1, via What's Your Grief The Grief of an Overdose Death: Part 2, via What's Your Grief Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs by William Feigelman et al Drug and Alcohol Deaths - Open to Hope Interview
  24. Yes, Talk from memory....and it's so Unfair and painful
  25. I think I typed a patient that took over 30 different medications. Can you imagine the cost for a fixed income patient. I was so happy when I would type a doctor that commented the patient was on polypharmacy. So, the new medication gives you a headache, okay, give something for a headache, and it causes nausea, give something for nausea, but it causes diarrhea, so give something for diarrhea, and patient is having dizziness, give medicine for dizziness. I was so happy to see doctors examining medications the patients were taking. In the realm of psychopharmaceuticals, my daughter has diabetes, admittedly caused by a medicine that had that side effect. Now she checks her blood sugar all the time and they just gave her one of the medications that is advertised on TV that "might" have any one of these side effects. She quit taking it. My daughter takes a gallon size zip bag full of medications. I'm sorry, Xanax takes care of all my ills so far. I'm satisfied. I worked harder today and I am sore, harder to get up and around, but I can anyhow. My daughter said she had a pain pill if I needed it. Not for me.
  26. Yesterday
  27. Exactly. It hurts if I do the things we used to do, it hurts differently if I don't. There is no easy "Oh, it hurts, I'll just stop doing it" for me. Yeah, my wife this and my husband that is some of the most painful. And, seeing people you don't usually see over the holidays, it's often the first topic. Best wishes Tom🐼
  28. I can certainly relate to the beginning of your post. I hope someday to relate to the end as I find it so difficult to connect with people in the here and now. So many things they are doing the gives meaning to thier lives. Thy haven't lost the core of that meaning. I hear my husband this or my wife that. All I can do is talk from memory. It's not my ' first rodeo' with this, but tomorrow will be no seeing Steve doing his turkey thing all day. Just a Thursday night like any other eating alone. Don't even know what. hope younhave a good hike, Brad!
  1. Load more activity