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  2. True enough, but when we're living in that moment sometimes things feel bigger than they are and we're dealing with our emotions, which can be anywhere on the chart. Fortunately we lived with no regrets, the moments at odds with each other were extremely rare. For two humans, I think we got along about as well as anyone can expect, and I bet you did too. All is gone now but the love and that stays with us forever.
  3. Such beauty in those places!
  4. Gwen, I assume they have you on a specialized diet to help control digestive issues. It's hard to understand why they haven't found the cause for it. A little like putting on a bandaid when they still don't know where the wound is! I went to our church's Christmas party last night, lots of talk and laughter and it was good for my soul. It helped me feel a little like Christmas hadn't totally passed me by, it was fun. I get tired of being so alone...
  5. Today
  6. Three years coming

    I hope you can take some time to care for yourself Butch. You have been doing so much to look after everyone else and I hope you know it's not wrong to ask for help for yourself. I have had so many losses in the past two years that I am reacting to things rather than thinking about how best deal with them. My losses have been no where nearly as dear as yours have so I can imagine that you could be feeling as unstable as I do. Fortunately, I have that tiny light guiding me forward. I think of you, you are a light in many lives here.
  7. Significant Quotes

    "Confidence is knowing who you are and not changing it a bit because of someone’s version of your reality is not their reality." ― Shannon L. Alder
  8. Cookie and Gin......it’s not all couples around me (but enough of then). What it is is surrounded by people feeling life and living it. I exist, but I don’t feel I am living anymore. Won’t be able to blame the holidays much longer. That scapegoat will be gone soon. That will make it hard again to be around people as you kinda get a pass this time of year.
  9. Yesterday
  10. Grief and Fear

    Janka: The pictures are so beautiful. It's true that in the most beautiful places like the mountains, you definitely sacrifice in terms of employment. I was lucky enough to work at home as a transcriptionist and John was an 8th grade math teacher, so we were able to live here. John also was always helping me, like your Jan, even though back then I always wanted to do things myself. I certainly miss having someone in my life like that now because I realize it was his way of showing his love. So, how close to those beautiful mountains do you live? Do you still go at all? I hate seeing people smoke...something that you have control over and the consequences can be so devastating, as you well know...take care, Cookie
  11. Went to the ER yesterday for my never ending digestive distress. Didn’t find anything obvious, but endoscopy was the next step. Vague reference to plaque in arteries but the ER doc didn’t mention it, just was on the discharge papers report. Where I volunteer had called needing help with Christmas parties. It was nice to really be needed, but I wouldn’t have gone as being in happy, happy, joy joy with people with their families would be shooting myself in the foot. I keep thinking when the holidays are over. I’ll feel bettter, but I know that isn’t really true. Another year totally alone and right back to it. Just more of maladies and treatments I can’t muster the reason for. I keep finding solutions to problems Steve and I pondered in a dream. I get so excited. To tell him things and the balloon is popped waking up. Off to another dreary day in Seattle.
  12. I know what you mean, Gin; it's hard....sometimes I feel the same, and it seems like everyone where I live has a mate except me sometimes; I'm surrounded by couples!
  13. Marg: I have struggled with fear and anxiety a lot since John died. It started actually right after he died. It's changed but in some ways worse, this, now, 2 1/2 years out. I've come to realize it's definitely related to losing John and it just cycles around. So sorry it's happening to you...Cookie
  14. Sometimes when I dwell on the life’s greatest difficulties, hardships and trials I get overwhelmed leading me to confusion, unsettledness, despair and despondency. I don’t know if you have a faith system, but this Bible verse brings me peace, even in the midst great pain: For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for well-being and not for trouble, to give you a future and a hope.
  15. Thank you to you all for your wonderful replies, you have been a great comfort to me. Thank you Kay for those links which I shall avidly read. It is sad that there are so many of us who have lost loved ones, but that is the inevitable consequence of life and love. I am grateful I had someone to love for 39 years. I think back now on the times we quarreled or fell out with each other, as all couples do, and realise that just a hug or an endearment would have fixed things, and wonder how I let all those occasions occur and what a waste of love that was. If someone were to ask me, that would be my lesson to all couples everywhere. You are good people, and yes I do feel welcome here. Thank you.
  16. My son is in charge of my wishes. I too do not want heroic measures taken is there is no hope and I’m on machines. I don’t want to be on those. I made the decision when it came to My Mary. It was the hardest thing to do. But she didn’t want to exist like that anymore. 😔
  17. I think this is journaling with response, so we aren't just getting our feelings out on paper, we're learning along the way, from others. Keying is easier on my hands too Tom!
  18. I am a transgender

    My friend, you don't say how old you are, which would be my first concern as you make this important life decision. You ask if you'll regret having this surgery, and without knowing you and your individual circumstances, I wouldn't presume to offer my advice. You say you have a lot of questions in your mind, and it seems to me that no surgeon would offer this procedure without first making certain that those questions have been addressed ~ and then pointing you to resources and support groups specifically designed to do just that. That said, I agree with Kay's response. Since you have access to the Internet, you would do well to do go online to find information and resources that are relevant to you. For example, having clicked on the link you provided in your post, I see that a Patient Resources section is provided, and that might be a good place to start.
  19. George, My doctor broached this subject with me (I guess that's a sign you're getting older, LOL!) and I wouldn't sign a DNR but I fully trust my son to make the right decision on my behalf so put his name down for making decisions. I made it clear in the paperwork that if I have a chance to recover any quality of life I want measures taken, but if it's prolonging life and I'd be left a vegetable, no heroic measures. My son understands my wishes and would convey what I want. Sometimes there isn't time to reach someone for input and then the medical team has to make the best decision they know and we have to live with it. I have a copy of my papers and so does the doctor and it's registered with PeaceHealth, the common medical organization here in Oregon.
  20. Articles Worth Reading

    Good article. I don't drive at night and that's when most events are so I have no choice but to catch a ride or stay home. Thankfully my grief is enough ways out that isn't a problem now, but that was sound advice for anyone newer in their grief (by newer I mean first few years). BTW, I love WYG What's Your Grief! I get their emailed articles every week and found them helpful with my grief support group. I'm always looking for information!
  21. Polly, I am thrilled to hear this, for your sake, for Bill's, AND for your daughter's. It's good for her to learn this, part of mature thinking and respect. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!
  22. One year later

    Telling someone they must come out from it is a little like telling someone to move on...it feels inappropriate. Here we acknowledge someone's feelings, knowing everyone's timetable is different. I lost one of my best friends a year ago from cancer and I cherish memories of her. What's key is balance...while it's good to remember the memories, it's also important to not miss today, to learn to live in the present so we don't miss what is. I've learned in grief that those past and present in our lives are all intermingled, all a part of who we are.
  23. Jiliean, I am so sorry for your loss, that must have been horrific. I'm happy to hear your news about your impending birth, congratulations! I don't know what baby sleep training is, I'm 65 and my babies are long raised. My son slept 12 hours a night from the beginning...my daughter wasn't so easy, eight hours a day in snatches. But I'd love to have them back that age even for just a while! I content myself with my grandbabies, although they aren't nearly as close (in proximity) as I'd like. Good luck!
  24. I am a transgender

    Charlatt, I'm not sure why you are posting about this in a grief forum, it's a little off topic, but I feel qualified to answer you. One of my closest friends is transgender although in his 60s elects not to go through surgery at this point. I don't know what state you're in, but most of them require you to go through counseling and get the recommendation of a doctor before undergoing surgery, I'd highly recommend that. I do want to recommend a forum for you. I had to go through an interview and approval from one of the mods before being allowed to join, but they're easy on you. They just want to make sure of your intent, no catfish. I joined years ago in an effort to learn more, understand and support my friend. Not everyone on there is transgender, but a great deal are, many are crossdressers, and there is a section for their wives, GFs, etc. You may be able to join the public section there, give it a try. If you have any questions, contact a moderator. Some are a little over the top with their crossdressing and gurly stuff, don't let it throw you. Underneath it all, there are good people there. Honestly, I think the main thing is to be comfortable with yourself, however you are. The more comfortable with yourself you are, the more comfortable other people are with you. Of course there are always judgmental people but that's based on their own ignorance, hence these forums are great tools for enlightening. The more the issues are out there, the more educated people can become. There's more than just male and female, there's everything inbetween and combination thereof. AND there's many more sexual identities, all it's good to figure out. https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/
  25. I know. Break it down into an hour then, or a minute, whatever you can handle.
  26. Good to see that you have come out from the loss. I also have lost my child when he was just 6 months old. It was because of lack of proper care of the nanny. Like every day that day also I and my hubby went to the office early in the morning. At around noon I got a phone call from my hubby asking me to come to one of the nearby hospitals. When I reached the hospital what I saw was my child lying dead on the bed. I screamed out, unable to bear the pain. The baby died by drowning. We had a swimming pool in the backyard. Nanny was sitting there with the baby. But when nanny went to pick her phone, the child slipped and fell into the water. Although the nanny took him out of the water, by that time he was dead. It took more than a year for me to recover from that shock. Now I'm happy to say that I'm carrying and my due date by the end of this month. Eagerly waiting for the newborn. I would like to sleep train the baby but don't know from which month onwards the baby sleep training must start? If anyone is aware of it please do let me know.
  27. One year later

    Losing a friend who is really very close to your heart is a difficult situation. I know that you might be still thinking of all the memories that you had with your friend. But you must come out from it. Pray to god to help you for that.
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