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  2. Sometimes when I dwell on the life’s greatest difficulties, hardships and trials I get overwhelmed leading me to confusion, unsettledness, despair and despondency. I don’t know if you have a faith system, but this Bible verse brings me peace, even in the midst great pain: For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for well-being and not for trouble, to give you a future and a hope.
  3. Today
  4. Thank you to you all for your wonderful replies, you have been a great comfort to me. Thank you Kay for those links which I shall avidly read. It is sad that there are so many of us who have lost loved ones, but that is the inevitable consequence of life and love. I am grateful I had someone to love for 39 years. I think back now on the times we quarreled or fell out with each other, as all couples do, and realise that just a hug or an endearment would have fixed things, and wonder how I let all those occasions occur and what a waste of love that was. If someone were to ask me, that would be my lesson to all couples everywhere. You are good people, and yes I do feel welcome here. Thank you.
  5. My son is in charge of my wishes. I too do not want heroic measures taken is there is no hope and I’m on machines. I don’t want to be on those. I made the decision when it came to My Mary. It was the hardest thing to do. But she didn’t want to exist like that anymore. 😔
  6. I think this is journaling with response, so we aren't just getting our feelings out on paper, we're learning along the way, from others. Keying is easier on my hands too Tom!
  7. I am a transgender

    My friend, you don't say how old you are, which would be my first concern as you make this important life decision. You ask if you'll regret having this surgery, and without knowing you and your individual circumstances, I wouldn't presume to offer my advice. You say you have a lot of questions in your mind, and it seems to me that no surgeon would offer this procedure without first making certain that those questions have been addressed ~ and then pointing you to resources and support groups specifically designed to do just that. That said, I agree with Kay's response. Since you have access to the Internet, you would do well to do go online to find information and resources that are relevant to you. For example, having clicked on the link you provided in your post, I see that a Patient Resources section is provided, and that might be a good place to start.
  8. George, My doctor broached this subject with me (I guess that's a sign you're getting older, LOL!) and I wouldn't sign a DNR but I fully trust my son to make the right decision on my behalf so put his name down for making decisions. I made it clear in the paperwork that if I have a chance to recover any quality of life I want measures taken, but if it's prolonging life and I'd be left a vegetable, no heroic measures. My son understands my wishes and would convey what I want. Sometimes there isn't time to reach someone for input and then the medical team has to make the best decision they know and we have to live with it. I have a copy of my papers and so does the doctor and it's registered with PeaceHealth, the common medical organization here in Oregon.
  9. Articles Worth Reading

    Good article. I don't drive at night and that's when most events are so I have no choice but to catch a ride or stay home. Thankfully my grief is enough ways out that isn't a problem now, but that was sound advice for anyone newer in their grief (by newer I mean first few years). BTW, I love WYG What's Your Grief! I get their emailed articles every week and found them helpful with my grief support group. I'm always looking for information!
  10. Polly, I am thrilled to hear this, for your sake, for Bill's, AND for your daughter's. It's good for her to learn this, part of mature thinking and respect. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!
  11. One year later

    Telling someone they must come out from it is a little like telling someone to move on...it feels inappropriate. Here we acknowledge someone's feelings, knowing everyone's timetable is different. I lost one of my best friends a year ago from cancer and I cherish memories of her. What's key is balance...while it's good to remember the memories, it's also important to not miss today, to learn to live in the present so we don't miss what is. I've learned in grief that those past and present in our lives are all intermingled, all a part of who we are.
  12. Jiliean, I am so sorry for your loss, that must have been horrific. I'm happy to hear your news about your impending birth, congratulations! I don't know what baby sleep training is, I'm 65 and my babies are long raised. My son slept 12 hours a night from the beginning...my daughter wasn't so easy, eight hours a day in snatches. But I'd love to have them back that age even for just a while! I content myself with my grandbabies, although they aren't nearly as close (in proximity) as I'd like. Good luck!
  13. I am a transgender

    Charlatt, I'm not sure why you are posting about this in a grief forum, it's a little off topic, but I feel qualified to answer you. One of my closest friends is transgender although in his 60s elects not to go through surgery at this point. I don't know what state you're in, but most of them require you to go through counseling and get the recommendation of a doctor before undergoing surgery, I'd highly recommend that. I do want to recommend a forum for you. I had to go through an interview and approval from one of the mods before being allowed to join, but they're easy on you. They just want to make sure of your intent, no catfish. I joined years ago in an effort to learn more, understand and support my friend. Not everyone on there is transgender, but a great deal are, many are crossdressers, and there is a section for their wives, GFs, etc. You may be able to join the public section there, give it a try. If you have any questions, contact a moderator. Some are a little over the top with their crossdressing and gurly stuff, don't let it throw you. Underneath it all, there are good people there. Honestly, I think the main thing is to be comfortable with yourself, however you are. The more comfortable with yourself you are, the more comfortable other people are with you. Of course there are always judgmental people but that's based on their own ignorance, hence these forums are great tools for enlightening. The more the issues are out there, the more educated people can become. There's more than just male and female, there's everything inbetween and combination thereof. AND there's many more sexual identities, all it's good to figure out. https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/
  14. I know. Break it down into an hour then, or a minute, whatever you can handle.
  15. Good to see that you have come out from the loss. I also have lost my child when he was just 6 months old. It was because of lack of proper care of the nanny. Like every day that day also I and my hubby went to the office early in the morning. At around noon I got a phone call from my hubby asking me to come to one of the nearby hospitals. When I reached the hospital what I saw was my child lying dead on the bed. I screamed out, unable to bear the pain. The baby died by drowning. We had a swimming pool in the backyard. Nanny was sitting there with the baby. But when nanny went to pick her phone, the child slipped and fell into the water. Although the nanny took him out of the water, by that time he was dead. It took more than a year for me to recover from that shock. Now I'm happy to say that I'm carrying and my due date by the end of this month. Eagerly waiting for the newborn. I would like to sleep train the baby but don't know from which month onwards the baby sleep training must start? If anyone is aware of it please do let me know.
  16. One year later

    Losing a friend who is really very close to your heart is a difficult situation. I know that you might be still thinking of all the memories that you had with your friend. But you must come out from it. Pray to god to help you for that.
  17. I am a transgender

    Hi guys, I am pretty shy to discuss this matter here. Since I cannot talk about this matter in public, I thought it would be a better idea to seek help from here. I am a transgender. My body and mind have always been in a conflict with each other since my teenage days. I think like a boy, but have the features of a woman. I always prefer to wear those clothes which helps to conceal my feminine body. I am fed up with my life. So, I took a big decision in my life. Next month, I am planning to undergo the ftm surgery procedure. I am going to have my breasts removed. But, I have got a lot of questions in my mind regarding this surgery. Will I regret after having this surgery? What do you guys think?
  18. Just an update on things. Last Tuesday night I was so down and really missing Bill. I hadn't talked to him in a couple of weeks. I chatted with a close friend of mine. She knew Richard and also Nicole. We have been friends for years. We had a good talk about everything. She gave me some really good advice. Right after that, I was on facebook and it was around 1am. Bill also was on fb. He is never up that late. So I messaged him. Then I called him and we talked for over an hour. I told him that I needed to talk with Nicole and let her know that I was still going to see him. I wasn't going to throw away what we had. I deserve to be happy. She doesn't have to like it but she has to respect my feelings. Just as I don't have to like who ever she dates, that is her choice. On Thursday, I was out shopping and decided to stop by Bill's work. It felt so good to see him and hug him. Tonight we went on a date. We went to dinner and stopped at the mall. He bought me a cat necklace at the jewelry store for Christmas. I have been looking at that necklace and thinking that it was what Richard would have bought for me.
  19. Articles Worth Reading

  20. Tonight was my friend's birthday. Six of us always went out for dinner. Now there are 5. I almost did not go tonight. My back is bad, but that was not the real reason. I just miss Al so much and these kinds of things emphasize it. Glad I went, but it sure is not joyfull anymore.
  21. Three years coming

    Kay, even getting through one day at a time is such a real struggle. I’m trying.
  22. Yesterday
  23. Butch I hope you're OK I totally relate. I sometimes have to walk a fine line telling people I have suicidal thoughts but am not suicidal. The pain of this first Christmas without Susan is indescribable even WITH friends and family. This morning a friend was talking about a friend who killed himself and I perked up and said "Oh? How did he do it?" and she said "DONT DO IT" they understand LOL. Best wishes Tom🐼
  24. I keep a journal. It started as hand written but I type so much faster I've mainly switched to a file on my macpro. My grief counselor is VERY strong on writing and I mostly do what she suggests. I write to Susan, AND I write her replies. I've written the conversation we might have had if we had 5 min to say goodbye. Since I've spent a lot of time regretting where I could have been more loving, she has me making a list of what I DID do, and I'm constantly updating it. She suggested I should write a note and put it in our stocking, and I'm going to do that. She suggested I put a note with the Christmas decorations when I put them away as sort of a time capsule for next year. The writing makes me cry. She and others tell me that it's good to be in touch with my feelings, like I might otherwise avoid them. LOL I don't know how to NOT to feel it, I think about Susan constantly. Before 3/31 I kept a very irregular journal, with big gaps. It's really hard for me to read that, since I'm sometimes complaining about Susan, which feels horrible now.
  25. Ana, I went back and read the first note that I had written on this forum. I didn't know how to find it. Finally I did. That was this month that I read it. Just that one post. I have a tendency to bleed my feelings all over everything and even cold water won't remove them. I will say that it actually did not bother me. But, like you, I don't go back and read my notes (as anyone can tell), but if something bothers me, if I put too much information, and most times I do, I will delete as much of that information as I can. Things about my family, about Billy's family, I know he would not like me telling. I have done it, but I won't go back and find them. Sometimes I need a transfusion I bleed on here so much. Could not be more true.
  26. The DNR(Do Not Resuscitate Order) is an interesting document. My Mother-in-Law had one and the emergency room did not want to treat her because they FELT Mom didn't want extra measures taken. Mom's heart was in a fast heart rate and just needed to be slowed down to resume function. I had to yell at the nurses to treat her. She lived for another two years. My Mother had a DNR which spelled out her wishes. 10 years ago, when her body failed, my father as her Durable power of Attorney executed her Living Will. My mom did not want to be keep alive on mechanical machines. It was a tough decision based on love for his beloved wife of 50+ years. I am updating my Will, Living Will, and Durable Power of Attorney now to make it clear what my wishes are when I get sick and/or die.. Irregardless, our loved ones that are left behind will continue to live with the grief that we all face now when our beloved loved ones died. It is a harsh reality of life that most of us were ill-equipped to face. I wonder if there is some way we can prepare them for their future shock. - Shalom
  27. You are not alone on that Marg, I couldn't write a journal, and whatever email, post or word written about, I cannot re-read them. Sometimes I did and I could not comprehend that was the life I have-I am living. Like "it cannot be true". Also, I cannot read email nor text messages from when he was alive, his letters, anything. It truly breaks my heart, it makes me wake up to fully comprehension about the distance that separates "before" from "today" Somehow "I know" and "I remember very well". I am very aware of what I lost forever.
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