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  2. I am VERY sorry you removed your post. As Marita said, it was very inspirational and I saw nothing that would hurt anyone newer in their journey. I don't know what about our responses caused you to think so, but that sure wasn't our thinking or intent. I know it's hard to re-create what you wrote, but if there's any way you can do so, I hope you will. My response was that even though I don't have a home I can entertain in, I do find other ways of getting together with people, it doesn't always have to be at one's home, if others, like me, find themselves in that position. Often you can rent a church's room if you don't belong to a club, or another facility and sometimes is cheap to do so. Our local park rents their facility for $25/hour and that includes tables, chairs, kitchen facilities.
  3. I think it's helped me to understand that he ISN'T "gone", he's in another place and we'll be together again. I honestly don't know how people handle it when they think you just end and that's it. This is the only thing I've found on the subject: Still not sure I get it.
  4. Maryann, I am sorry that you and your workplace went through this. I'm glad there was no bomb and you were safe. It's interesting how we who look forward with hope of being joined with our spouses are not afraid of dying ourselves. I'm not sure that I thought about it much beforehand, but I definitely view it as a path to him and not something to fear.
  5. Today
  6. Marty, For now, pleasure is a feeling that's only in my rear view mirror. It's an unimaginable concept these days. I'd settle for having some sense of contentment in my life. The feeling that everything is OK. There's pretty much nothing OK about life after Tammy. At least I'm still able to put one foot in front of the other and have a bit of hope that tomorrow might be a better one. It's still baby steps, although some days I do take a "big boy" step or two.
  7. I guess I left out a third event that might be affecting my outlook. I am not sure if you have seen the news stories lately, but I work at a Jewish community center, and on Monday we were one of the cities that received a bomb threat. It was what they called a non-credible one, and honestly I was not afraid because I did not think there was an actual bomb in our building. We had put in a protocol and practiced it, because we felt it was inevitable that our facility would also get a call. I guess I wasn't afraid for my life, because if there was a bomb, and it went would give me a chance to be with Mark sooner. I never really think about how much our building is a target, especially in these hateful times we live in...but Mark did. He was always concerned that something like this would happen. I am thankful he was not alive to see it happen; that he did not have to have a reason to be afraid.
  8. I am reposting this for I have received emails and messages to do so. I was led to believe that it was hard for some to read and that is why I deleted it. My intention is only to share what I find myself doing on this journey that can change many times in a day. This month my gathering of people here at the house took a new form. I decided to have some pages from a few of my coloring books out along with color pencils and markers. Besides continuing our talks about “getting our stuff together” for end-of-life I added another half hour to our visit and used the time to color as a form of meditation. Two of the six regulars said that they have talked to family members about their wishes for end-of-life. This made me happy. I had to add the table leaf to my dining room table to make room for us to spread out. Two of our regulars brought a variety of cookies. We use paper plates so there is little cleanup. I will not drink my coffee, tea or milk from a paper cup! I dunk cookies in milk and found out I am not the only one! Our weather here in AZ where I am has been perfect for walking. Next month I’ll have some links for anyone who wants to learn about walking meditation. I am afraid if our group gets too big we’ll have to use one of our activity rooms at the clubhouse! The downfall there is that if we have snacks or anything other than water we have to get it from the restaurant staff and pay for it! I can fit twelve people in my home but after that, it is too crowded. I can fit eight people at the dining room table and set up a card table with chairs nearby if I would need to. That would be wonderful in my eyes. When Jim and I had our home built here we purposely downsized from what we had in IL. It has paid off for me since I am now alone. I share this because I know how important it is to keep in touch with other people. It could be so easy to isolate myself. Jim has been gone for almost five years now. I am in my seventies and retired so it is not easy for me to branch out and be social. I am an introvert and love the solitude but I also need to keep in touch with other people. My health is not the best so even though I’d like to volunteer more I find it difficult to do so. This monthly gathering that I started is not really a passion but a way to connect with others. I have found that we do continue on after we have lost a spouse or significant other so why not choose to do so with some purpose? I have learned from others here and think it is important to share our journeys.
  9. My friend, this is one of the most difficult and painful decisions you'll ever have to make, but I hope you will come to think of it as a selfless act of love. As Kay says, it's important to ask whose needs we are meeting in these circumstances: yours, or those of your cherished animal companions? Ask yourselves: Are you prolonging their lives ~ or prolonging their suffering and deaths? I invite you to read these articles (including those listed at their bases): Anticipating the Death of a Cherished Pet Pet Loss: Guilt In the Wake of the Euthanasia Decision Pet Loss: Is It A Different Kind of Grief?
  10. Oh my dear Anne! I am so disappointed to learn that you removed your beautiful, uplifting, encouraging and hopeful post! Please, if there is any way that you can post its content here again, find a way to do it! I saw nothing offensive or boastful in your message, and I think it's extremely important to let our members know the significant progress you have made! It gives all of us hope for the future!
  11. KayC Im sorry that you went through the bad ones to find the perfect one, and then lost him I feel like he isn't gone, like he can't be. My mind just keeps on and on trying to figure it out even though there isn't anything to figure out. I just can't accept him not being here, my mind isn't understanding it today. It doesn't make sense.
  12. I've been there too many times, it's very hard to go through. Try not to think about what might happen, try to stay in today and enjoy each moment you have with them now. My dog is nine and that's the life span for his breed. So far he's doing well except he has a lot of cysts. he has one on his back paw that also can't be removed because of not enough skin. It's only bled once and I took him to the vet and she didn't seem to think it'd be a problem except messy, which I don't mind cleaning up. Could you put up a child-proof gate across the stairs so she can't get up and down them without you carrying her? My heart goes out to you. I had to put my dog Lucky down several years ago and it was a very tough decision. The criteria I used to decide when it was time was when her quality of life diminished so much. She had arthritis, was going deaf, was incontinent the last two years. She was Dalmation/Whippet and Dalmations "smile", showing their teeth, it's really cute...the last two years she no longer smiled. When she started whimpering during the night, I decided it was time. I didn't want to keep her alive just for me if it meant her suffering. Afterwards I wondered if I should have let her live a little longer, but it really doesn't pay to second guess yourself. Make the decision you feel is best for them, you'll know when it's time, and don't look back. Remember all of the wonderful times. I know it's painful, very very hard at first, but eventually it sinks in and we begin to adjust. That doesn't mean you'll ever stop missing them, we don't, but we do learn to live with it without so much pain eventually.
  13. I removed my post above. Thank you for your kind words Marita. It was not my intention to make anyone feel bad or upset by talking about what I am doing with my life right now. My life is continually changing and because I am further out in my grief journey I have not been sensitive to others who are newer. I am sorry if I offended anyone. I know many people struggle and perhaps found my post offensive or boastful. I am sorry.
  14. Yesterday
  15. And let it be enough! Right, Kay?! ♥
  16. I am thinking of you, Mitch, and I wish for better days for you ~ or at least for some measure of pleasure when you find yourself having "a good day." ♥
  17. Kevin, He looks like a little doll! My grandson is going to be born March 10, I hope there's no snow then, I want to meet him!
  18. I don't believe it could be any other way. (((hugs)))
  19. Patty, not sure if you'll drop in today, but know we're all thinking of you...
  20. I was married to a Narcissist once, I highly recommend this book, "Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin, PHD. Excellent book, helps you understand Narcissism better, enough to know you don't want one for a spouse or parent. I was able to download mine as an e-book.
  21. Gin, my heart goes out to you. I was married to a 1) wife-beater/cheater. He got three women pregnant while married to me, 1 had his child, the other had an abortion, and me? He beat mine out of me. 2) my kids's dad 23 years, no love lost on me, controlling and lied to me throughout our marriage, the great pretender, a hypocrite. With all that said, I still care about him, I understand him, I just found it hard to live with. 3) George...the only one who loved me and got me...we could always relate to each other, my true soulmate. 4) the con artist that took me for over $50,000 (ran up my credit) and lived with two different women while married to me...but never lived with me. Which one do you think I'm keeping to go through eternity with?! George! I think I'll know and get along with my kids' dad, he'll have to quit pretending by then. The other two I don't think will be there. I could be surprised, but it's a big place, they can stay on the other side if by chance they make it. Don't wish them ill, just don't wish to see them.
  22. I am the mom to 2 sweet little shih-tzu's. They are Sophie and Rocky. Sophie has been with me since she was a puppy. She turned 16 this past October. She has been with me through many changes in my life. She is the sweetest little pup you could ever meet. Rocky was a rescue. I inherited him about 9 years ago. He is not quite so sweet to other people, but he and I share a special bond. I believe he is about 15 years old. Sophie has survived liver failure, and is now in heart failure. She is on a medication that has helped her survive about another year. I have cherished every moment. She now walks around like she has alzheimers. She walks in circles and bumps into walls. She has fallen down the stairs several times - this terrifies me! The vet feels she has probably lost her sense of sight, hearing, and now smell. When I pick her up she snuggles right into me. She knows me. Rocky has a very fast growing fibriod cyst growing on his rear leg. It doesn't seem to bother him too much. The vet said that she would not be able to remove it as there would not be enough skin to cover the area. She told us that the cyst will eventually rupture and can be a very bloody mess. He is having difficulty chewing his food - I am sure he has some terrible teeth. His heart is weak as well - he occasionally has a seizure if he over-exerts himself - like running up the stairs. His breathing is becoming labored. They both eat - but only if I add something yummy to their food - which I don't mind doing at all. My wife and I are likely going to euthanize them. We are afraid Sophie is going to hurt herself falling down the stairs, or have a stroke or heart attack. We do not want Rocky to have to suffer if his cyst ruptures. I think that we are going to do this with both of them together - at home. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The anticipatory grief is so overwhelming - I can hardly function. I wake up at 2 am and cry - and then have a hard time falling back to sleep. Please tell me this gets better - maybe after it is done? This is terrible. I feel like I would rather die than live through this.
  23. How true that is Mitch. Hugs to you Joyce
  24. Skye, Lucky, and Miss Mocha are right after Taz and Jet-jet, at 118.
  25. I bet you were tired! I have to shovel a 40' ramp, another 20' path to the driveway, the driveway (which is long), and path to the firewood, it's a lot.
  26. Do like I do then, try not to think about it. I do what I can.
  27. Maryann, I trust you to find your way, whether it be through more grief counseling or some other way. You've shown me to be a person that is introspective and capable, I wish you well on this continuing journey. I'm sorry for your friend leaving, I know all too well that adjustment.
  28. Well deserved, I might add
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