All Activity

This stream auto-updates   

  1. Past hour
  2. Kayc, I am trying to let go of this Guilt, I know only time will help -- But I will never forget.
  3. Today
  4. Maynard, I pick up these grief tools in many different places. I have read at least a dozen books, and many articles that are available here by MartyT, and all of her resources. I also started reading some of the first posts in this forum from several members to see how they cope with grief. You are welcome to read mine. "Shock and Awe" posts. It is a gradual day by day process. I listen to others here and try them and see if it works for me. Everyone is different. I like to journal because it is just like talking to my wife and sometimes I am comforted by it. I had trouble breathing and sleeping initially. Suggestions here help me o seek help to get good sound sleep to repair my body. Grief takes a lot of energy. A grief therapist specializes in grief. I found a grief toolbox website. I just did much searching for answers. I prayed when I could. I strive to live in today. Projecting about tomorrow sets me up for pain. When the feelings come, I just let them flow. I try to remember all of the good times my wife and I shared a life together. I am thankful to know she loved me and she knew I loved her more each day. If I can remember more I will post for you. -----Shalom, George
  5. AB3, your descriptions and comparisons are great.....When Angela was with me, whether we were having a good time, boring time, it was being shared with your partner. Even a meal at a restaurant is so different.....I never eat in a restaurant now. This Journey has a lot of Pit stops, and setting up a Romance free social circle is very important......I find the same people(and Age group) are involved in a lot of similar events so you meet similar people......things to improve if you engage yourself......good luck kevin
  6. My friend, if you're looking for "grief work guidance," you'll find a lot of it right here on our Discussion Groups website. I invite you to look over some of the threads in our Tools for Healing forum. There you'll find all sorts of resources recommended by our own members, such as our Grief Bibliography; Videos Worth Watching; Articles Worth Reading; Meditation; Webinars for Personal Growth and Healing to name a few. See also this Pinterest board, Tools for Healing. And you may find this article helpful as well (including the Related Articles and Resources listed at the base): Bereavement: Doing the Work of Grief
  7. What tools have your learned? I'm still trying to plug along with this new reality.... You named a few in your post that I think are great to try when needed, but where are you learning tools to deal with all the different feelings, attitudes and upheavals? I've been trying to get in a GriefShares support group training, but none are being given right now in my area - will be in several months. I have a therapist, and see him 1x a month but we're focusing on finding the one thing in each session he can point me in the right direction on. There's not enough time in an hour to get into complete grief work guidance. He focuses on whatever is forefront in my mind/emotions at that time, then I work on that one thing for awhile. I'm feeling good positive support and understanding here, and it's a great relief to be able to just vent or talk about things. Picking up some tools here and there that others share, like what you did in this post - but where do I find out about these tools? I need to build a tool box!
  8. An outstanding commentary on CS Lewis's A Grief Observed
  9. Thanks, that's a good article, I've found that experience as well. I'm keeping that article!
  10. I'm coming into this conversation late, but Gwen, I want to say I am sorry , I know how hard it is to think of those anv. of date of death or other events like their birthday, our anv., etc. If my mind wasn't triggered with the date I would be relieved but alas it doesn't seem to happen that way. The death day is a memory I wish I did not have indelibly etched into my brain.
  11. Carol Ann, Losing our independence is a huge loss to adjust to. If a person is low income the gov't will furnish someone to do things for you a certain number of hours a week, my mom got $1,200+/month and her home was paid for and she qualified. They can cook, clean, get groceries, run errands, I forget the number of hours they are paid for. I'm sure we would have loved Melissa, I always wished everyone here could have known George too. I hope your day goes better today and thank God for your neighbor! And Carol Ann, we're so glad to have you here!
  12. It's not the comments that tell Mark's story, Kay. It's in this post that he describes his experiences with online support (or lack thereof): The Origins of Grieve Well
  13. I only found two comments, one of which was yours.
  14. Goodbye April, another month gone, that's all. I have been going through a strange phase and have quit reading my books on all the widows and widowers. Trying to read autobiographies, and trying to deal with my daughter's illness and my granddaughter's having to have her wisdom teeth removed. Not time for much else. The strange phase is a sort of anger at Billy. I know he could not help leaving and would not have left if he could have helped it, so my anger is terribly misplaced. But the anger, sometimes, takes up a space where forgetting things is easier.............and the guilt from forgetting is harder. One day at a time.
  15. Kevin, my dad would play something, cannot remember name, but they would throw round washers (big ones) like you buy at a hardware store and I know you men know what I am talking about. I don't know what to call them, but that. They would dig a dirt pit so many inches deep, so many inches wide, and they would stand back so many feet and try to get the washers in the hole. Of course they played horseshoes also. Proud of you for socializing. I have my chances to do this, and have done some, but I go through crazy phases that I don't want to be around people. I was never like that in younger days, and will get around to going to lunch with my friends. ..........eventually. Right now, too involved with family's health. Will do it again though, given time.
  16. KathrynIrene, I'm sorry for your loss, it's very hard when it's unexpected and you may all still be reeling from shock. It can take a while for it to sink in and even longer to process it and adjust to the changes this means for all of you. I hope this article is helpful to you: http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/10/helping-grieving-parent.html and this one: http://www.griefhealing.com/column-helping-another-in-grief.htm
  17. It takes great effort to find any measure of joy. They say happiness is a choice and you find happiness within, but I do know what you means because I also felt this wonderful-ness when I was with George. Once in a while though, for just a moment, I feel this wave of happiness come over me...and then it's gone. But for just a moment I have it. I guess that's enough for hope.
  18. It seems we've learned the same things.
  19. “If I’ve learned anything from life, it’s that sometimes, the darkest times can bring us to the brightest places… I’ve learned that what seems like a curse in the moment can actually be a blessing, and that what seems like the end of the road is actually just the discovery that we are meant to travel down a different path. I’ve learned that no matter how difficult things seem, there is always hope. And I’ve learned that no matter how powerless we feel or how horrible things seem, we can’t give up. We have to keep going. Even when it’s scary, even when all of our strength seems gone, we have to keep picking ourselves back up and moving forward, because whatever we’re battling in the moment, it will pass, and we will make it through. We’ve made it this far. We can make it through whatever comes next.” - Daniell Koepke
  20. Dear AB3, I so remember feeling exactly as you do. I see and hear your pain. I encourage you to keep coming here as it is such a wonderful safe and supportive place and there is always someone here to listen I have found over the years. I do encourage you perhaps to seek out someone, a grief counselor, a support group, as well as here. It is such a heavy load to carry alone. I have found that sharing my pain lightens it and makes it feel like something I can get through. Blessings, Carol Ann
  21. Dear DaveM I am so very sorry! I see you and hear your pain. Thank you for your courage in sharing. I encourage you to keep reaching out. The load seems so much heavier when we try to carry it alone. Blessings, Carol Ann
  22. Dear Gin I am so very sorry for the pain you are in. I see you and I hear you. I encourage you to keep reaching out. Blessings, Carol Ann
  23. Dear Gwenivere I so resonate with what you are feeling. I remember feeling those exact things. And yes it is so hard when those around us don't understand and aren't they for us in a way that is need fulfilling. Melissa and I were very good friends with a couple and after Melissa died they left and moved to Ontario and I am in British Columbia. I felt so abandoned by them. All these years later it still hurts but I have forgiven them and let it go. I encourage you to keep reaching out here, and not sure if you have thought about a group at all for those who have lost their soulmate. Or even to seek out a grief counselor for some one on one. Seek out others who can be there for you in ways that you need. Blessings, Carol Ann
  24. Dear Marty Thank you so very much! I am feeling better than I was earlier. I used a few tools that I have not done for a while and it helped me a great deal One is I read some past entries from my journal and it helped to see how far I have come in my journey of healing overall. The other is I did a pro and con list with regard to retiring; and that was very helpful because on the pro side there where quite a few things that I had not thought of before. And the final thing I did was talk into my tape recorder and in doing that I think I have some insight into what my fear and panic is about and I'll discuss that with my therapist on Monday The last thing I did was "I got out of my head" Melissa use to say that to me whenever I starting ruminating over something that I could not figure out. She use to say we don't always have to know the why's and sometimes we never will. Now isn't that ironic for the why's of her choice to end her life was the biggest one of all of leaving me wondering why! Ah I wish you all could have known her she was such an amazing woman. And finally I told myself that Lupus and Diabetes are part of my life and the more I stress about that the more difficult they are to manage. Also my neighbor that came to help me with dinner we had an amazing conversation about the local seniors center and all the things going on there and how wouldn't it be lovely if they had a sing a long night or something. Well, guess who is going to give the director a call on Monday I am patting myself on the back for coming back here to this wonderful safe place with wonderful people Thanks again Marty Blessings, Carol Ann
  25. Yes, I watched it. It was both surreal and sad. I remember a very dark period in my life many years before I met my beloved wife, Rose Anne. Feelings can be very dangerous things when not comparing to the actual facts. Grief can really mess with our emotions. I have had a very rough month on many levels. My feelings tend to spiral down. Now I recognize it and use the tools I learned to help me see a different perspective. FEELINGS point me in the direction of facts but they are not always FACTS. When I feel invisible, I need to get out of my comfort zone and smile at a stranger, say high to a passer by; ask for help/directions. Call/visit a friend. Go do something that is new and different. Go help someone, be a friend. Everywhere, even here, is a real world. With MartyT and this forum, we have found a way to communicate our grief to like-minded souls and help each other on their grief journey. Our hope really comes from something greater than ourselves. Higher Power, Cosmic Consciousness, God. Whatever you want to call it. I am a weak vessel but God can use weak vessels to display His great power. There is a reason and purpose in each of our lives and we affect people that we are not even aware of. I ask myself," What am I supposed to be learning from this grief?" I am learning to take care of myself, physically as well as I took care of other people in my life. I review my gratitude list often. What is my passion? How can I live fully in today? Today's Scripture... "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything of praise, think about these things." (Phil 4:8) Seek out your hope that is greater than yourself. - Shalom
  26. KathrynIrene, My heart goes out to you. I remember that first month of grief so well. I was in a state of shock for a long time. Fortunately, I found this safe haven were other people understand and help. It felt like my entire stable world was all shook up. Writing here, reading different posts and learning about grief and how to cope with it. Seek out a grief counselor, ask questions here, share what is going on. I find journal-ling helps me to write down my thoughts. I encrypt the files so only i have access. I listen to suggestions here like get more sleep, eat healthier, move, breath and take care of myself. Your role is to find what brings you peace and learn tools about how to deal with the sudden loss, "Shock and Awe" of your mom passing. I pray for you the peace that passes all understanding and that you will find it. - Shalom
  1. Load more activity