joyNmourning

I feel like I'm being pulled in all directions. I am so sad and just want to grieve, but there is just so much to do...work...estate mess (no will)...grandma (Dad's mom) is still alive and needs care...my sis lived with Dad but doesn't drive/work. I need someone to take care of me, but it seems like everyone is needing help from me.

Thank you, Miss Ngu. I am sorry for your loss. After I typed that original post, things between my dad and I got worse for a while...and then, fortunately, ended up better. We were never as close as Mom and I were, but things did improve some. I am thankful for that.

I'm really not wanting to be here again. http://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/uploads/emoticons/default_sad.png' alt=':('> December 15th was the three year anniversary of my mom's death. I posted about her here: http://hovforum.ipbh...ama/#entry39752. On the anniversary, I was thinking...thank God I am feeling a lot better than I was. I still have down moments, but I felt that I had healed a lot. Then, on December 26th, I lost Dad. I have been pulled under again. I'm finding it hard to do anything.

My first Mother's Day without my mom. It's been almost five months since she passed. I'm doing better than I thought I would. I went to church. Then, I looked through old, family photos. I bought a Mother's Day card--I will write my mom a note later when I can get my thoughts in order. More than anything, I just want her to know that I love her, and that I appreciated all that she did for me. She showed me such love. She sacrificed so much.

(((((beckym))))) I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my sweet mama almost 5 months ago.

Thank you for sharing this, Marty. These videos were VERY helpful!

beautifulmistakes: I'm so sorry that you are hurting and don't have anyone to turn to for support. (((hugs))) Please feel free to write to me anytime. I hope you find some relief soon.

beautifulmistakes: Hugs to you...you have been through so much...all of the losses and then the turmoil of taking care of others. Please take care of yourself, too, okay? Don't hesitate to send me a message when you need to talk. I'm a good listener. More hugs for you...(((beautifulmistakes))). I wish you the best.

Thank you, Deb, for your response. I am so glad that I've found a safe place to talk about my mom and my grief; I know it will help. I do trust in God, and my faith is the only thing getting me through right now. Sometimes I catch myself saying, "Poor Mom," when I think about how much she suffered while she battled cancer. But then I remind myself, No, it is poor me (and the rest of us who have to go on without her). She is at peace now, no longer suffering, and she has everything that she needs. She is the lucky one...I can't even imagine how wonderful it is for her right now. I know that I'll be with her again one day, and that is comforting, but I do so miss her now. Deb, I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that God will comfort us and give us the strength to carry on without our precious mothers. (((hugs)))

hikedenali: I am so sorry for your loss. (((hugs))) Thanks for sharing about your mother. What a comfort that dream must have been for you.

I can relate to this...except in my case, it is my dad who does the complaining. His mom is 88-years-old and is needing a lot more care these days. He gets grouchy and doesn't want to help her. All the while, I am thinking...be thankful that you have had so much time with her. My mom just died at age 64. Oh, what I would do to have 24 more years with my sweet mama. And I'm not saying it is easy to be a caretaker. I know that it isn't. I helped take care of my mom for two years while she battled cancer. But, I was happy that I could do it...was so glad that I could be there when she needed me the most. She had taken such good care of me over the years...and I wanted to do the same for her.

I lost my sweet mama two months ago today. Things are really starting to sink in now, and I am hurting so much. My mama was my biggest fan...my cheerleader. No one will ever love me like that again. I don't have a close relationship with my dad; in fact, our relationship is really quite difficult. Everything seems to bring me pain these days. I am so very sensitive and uncomfortable in my own skin. And I have been angry...not angry because I've lost Mom (although, maybe I am and just won't allow myself to go there)...but angry because most of my friends aren't able to be there for me now (even though I have been there to support them when they've needed it). I also realize that I may be overreacting to some things, so I am trying to avoid certain people and situations for awhile...so I don't lash out and destroy relationships. I am already dreading Mother's Day. In fact, the last two Mother's Days have been hard (my mom battled cancer for two years), but this year will be my first without her. Mother's Day is also hard for me because I am not a mother (always wanted to have children). I want to do something to remember my mom on this holiday. I was thinking that I may still buy her a card and write to her. She was the absolute best mom for me. God really knew what He was doing when He paired us up. I was so blessed to have her in my life. I know that not everyone is so lucky. I am so sad that she is gone, though, and wish we could have had more time together. My 15-year-old cat is dying of mouth cancer, so that is also adding to my sorrow. It is so hard to see her get so sick. I have to liquefy her food now so that she can eat. That is causing me to think a lot about my mom when she was sick. In the beginning, the cancer was "squishing" her esophagus, and she had trouble swallowing even the thinnest liquids. I really was scared that the doctors were going to let her starve to death before they even began treating the cancer. Well, I guess I am rambling now. I'd better stop because this is getting long. Thanks in advance for listening and for your support.