mfh

UPDATE ON MARTY This is Mary Friedel-Hunt, former member (spousal loss) and retired therapist and grief counselor and former assistant moderator to Marty. Marty is fine. They have no internet and they just got power today. Her cell phone is off and on. Debris and trees down but all safe. They have been working all week to clean things up. She will update me if needed or contact me to do so. Please pass the word as I can only post wherever this lands. Peace to all. Mary

UPDATE ON MARTY This is Mary Friedel-Hunt, former member (spousal loss) and retired therapist and grief counselor and former assistant moderator to Marty. Marty is fine. They have no internet and they just got power today. Her cell phone is off and on. Debris and trees down but all safe. They have been working all week to clean things up. She will update me if needed or contact me to do so. Please pass the word as I can only post wherever this lands. Peace to all. Mary

Thank you. I so agree about the fires. Like others here, I am sure we have connections to those fires with loved ones living in the areas and I think of the wild life and growth that is being destroyed to say nothing of the buildings including homes. Most likely. We are surely learning or can learn as a country to do what you here do daily, support and care for each other.

Hello everybody, I see some familiar faces and names as I read posts. For those of you who do not know me, I am Mary, a colleague of Marty's and a former member and then moderator here. I will be covering the boards until Marty's power is back on. It could be a day or two or longer. I will check in a couple of times a day, read new posts and respond as needed. Probably the most important thing you might want t to know about me is that I lost my beloved husband Bill in 2010 and joined these boards to gain support. It was the worst day of my life and I had no clue how to walk through it. As a therapist of many years I knew grief and loss well. I even knew many personal losses. But Bill's death was in a whole new world. With hard work and lots of support and time I am still here, still carry Bill in my heart a d soul daily, still miss him, and am creating a life for myself. You can read any of my posts if interested. In the meantime, I am here and Marty will notify me when power is on again. It appears the surge was, so far, not as damaging as anticipated but MSNBC is saying they will know more tomorrow. Let us hold each other and Marty in our hearts in these personal and global trying times. peace in our pain, Mary

Had to check in and see this exhibit. It is incredible. Classy, well presented, great art....and all for a worthy cause. Congratulations on what you are doing to support these discussion groups. Wish I was in AZ and could stop by. I hope every piece cells and that many people come to support this. Marty has been an exceptional, compassionate, caring founder and moderator for many years and it does my heart good to see this continue and this project underway. Peace to all, Mary

For those who remember me... My sweet Golden Retriever Bentley died this morning. So many here were so kind when he was diagnosed 2 years ago.

MONDAY UPDATE Marty's service call has now been postponed until some time tomorrow. Frustrating for all concerned. I have communicated to her that everyone here is taking good care of each other. Peace Mary

Update on Marty as of Friday evening Marty has informed me that she cannot get a service response until sometime Monday in spite of all of her efforts. So she will be off line through Monday. She asked me to tell you that she is counting on each and every one of you to take good care of one another until she is back. As a personal favor to Marty, I will be checking in for emergency purposes only. Take good care. Peace, Mary

Update on Marty as of Friday evening Marty has informed me that she cannot get a service response until sometime Monday in spite of all of her efforts. So she will be off line through Monday. She asked me to tell you that she is counting on each and every one of you to take good care of one another until she is back. As a personal favor to Marty, I will be checking in for emergency purposes only. Take good care. Peace, Mary

Update on Marty as of Friday evening Marty has informed me that she cannot get a service response until sometime Monday in spite of all of her efforts. So she will be off line through Monday. She asked me to tell you that she is counting on each and every one of you to take good care of one another until she is back. As a personal favor to Marty, I will be checking in for emergency purposes only. Take good care. Peace, Mary

iheartm said: " I've asked Marty to delete my account so not to worry, I won't be "attacking" anyone anymore once she is back online. Thanks for refusing to even try to see any validity in anything I had to say and instead just jumped all over me accusing me of attacking. Feels great to have no family, no friends that are widows and no support groups to join." Dear iheartm, I am so sorry you feel you must leave when so many here have reached out to you. I will pass along to Marty your request to have your name removed from the membership list. I am especially sorry you have made this decision in view of how people here have reached out to you. I do hope you find the support you are seeking. I do believe firmly (after reading this string) that it is certainly here to be found but I respect your decision to look elsewhere. Mary

Mary here. I am a former moderator stepping in for Marty until she can get back on line. Many here know me but many do not as I have not been on the forums for many months. I am also a bereaved spouse, having lost the love of my life 6 years ago. I am also a psychotherapist and grief counselor of 40 years. Just to let you know who is typing here. I have read much of this string and It is sad when someone feels a need to leave because they do not feel supported. Especially when these groups are filled with supportive people. I can not say what Marty has said about the tension here any more clearly or better than she has said it. I would hope that anyone who is considering leaving or who is feeling unsupported would scroll back through this string and re-read Marty's many posts addressing the tension. People are free on these forums to share their pain basically on any forum and all of us here are called on to read and respond from a place of love and compassion. Judging, putting "should" on ourselves or others does not work. Time for folks to take a breath, read Marty's wise input, and reach out in love. I do not think anyone here intentionally wants to hurt anyone. The upset we feel is within each of us....everyone here is in pain and so looking inside to our own pain when we feel upset by something someone types is a good starting place. Even after six years I find myself being hypersensitive to what people say, people who have no intention of saying anything to upset me. This journey through grief is tenuous, and we frequently react to others instead of responding. Yes, I still do this occasionally. Judging anyone just does not work. I hope everyone here stays and continues to just be present in love to each other in their pain....empathic compassionate caring. I will be checking back in now amd then until Marty gets power back in her home. These forums helped me so much when I felt hopeless. I know that is and can be true for everyone here. I wish each of you peace as you also struggle with loss. Mary

As of this morning Marty's power and internet is still out. She and I are in co tact often. I will be checking in here often also. Peace, Mary

Thank you. How are you doing, Karen?

Mary (mfh) here. Many of you will remember me as a member and as a moderator. Marty contacted me and asked me to announce that she is off line due to a problem with the power at her home and therefore unable to get on the internet. She will be back on lind here when the power is back on but did not know when that would be. I will check back with her later for an update and will post it. Peace, Mary

Thank you so much. It is good to see familiar faces....Things are going pretty well. Peace to all, Mary

Mary (mfh) here. Many of you will remember me as a member and as a moderator. Marty contacted me and asked me to announce that she is off line due to a problem with the power at her home and therefore unable to get on the internet. She will be back on lind here when the power is back on but did not know when that would be. I will check back with her later for an update and will post it. I am posting this a couple of places so everyone sees it. Peace, Mary

I apologize. I wrote to this group to find out the local time for the event and was told it was an in person event but will be available as a podcast soon. Watch the site (tns.commonweal.org) to find out when and when I do find out, I will post in this category. So sorry. But worth the wait. I am sure many of you do not know who I am. I have been a member here since 2010. I lost my husband that year and in 2012 was also a moderator here for a year. For those who do know me....Bentley my Golden is still with me, hanging in and doing fairly well. Lymphoma has not won yet. I light a candle every day for each of you as I meditate and as we all walk this path together. The following is a link to an interview/chat with Francis Weller. Francis is the author of The Wild Edge of Sorrow. He is close to the top of my top ten list of favorite authors on grief. He is a psychotherapist, poet, author and speaker and leads grief ritual weekends around the country. I will be attending one of these next April and I know I can only benefit from the weekend. This free on line interview is a great opportunity to get a chance to meet him and hear what he has to say. http://tns.commonweal.org/events/francis-weller-2/#.VkDtUL9klNj

Yes, I do believe this is life long learning and sorting out opinions. I have a Nutri Bullet which is a power house to make smoothies. That should handle the veggies. The puree will also add some moisture to the meat which is 75% of the contents. I steer away from pumpkin as it gave him diarrhea once. I do use sweet potatoes but go easy on those. Peace

UPDATE I am making a change to Bentley's diet after reading up on a question I have had. Instead of cooking most of the veggies, I plan to puree them or chop them. I will first test him with these raw veggies (raw so as to retain nutrients). I WILL cook sweet potatoes and beets....that is generally accepted as essential. So I will make up containers of veggies (3-4 in each) all pureed but raw. I am learning.

As I said I was scattered today... I forgot the following: chinese cabbage zuchini peppers, yellow or red sardine on top for a treat, water based plain yogurt is a good probiotic you can add: wheat germ flax seed MILLED only...like a powder chicken, beef, turkey livers (one of these) I only include 3-4 veggies at a time so I keep them separated in groups of 3-4. I use an industrial grinder.

I just found this in my email: I trust Whole Dog Journal- it is on homemade dog food http://www.whole-dog-journal.com/issues/15_6/features/Measuring-Nutritional-Value-in-Dog-Food_20542-1.html

Hi Kacy, I just happened to get an email with your post in it. Bentley is doing well on his homemade food. I have learned a few things to change also. Here is what I do. A friend who feeds raw comes about every 6 weeks to help me. I buy chicken and beef (so far) at the University of WI Provisions (wholesale place that sells to restaurants but open to the public). I buy chicken 45 lbs at a time. Bentley weighs in at 80 lbs but eats like a horse and my goal is to maintain his weight because he will eventually lose it. He has had a head full of hot spots these past two weeks. 4 vet trips last week and she is coming here on Wednesday. He IS healing so he has some immune system functioning. He is playful, loves his walks and sleeps a LOT. I grind a lot of chicken and I buy ground beef (lowest fat I can afford) I cook the ground chicken separate from the ground beef in the oven. Drain WELL, I mean WELL. (Even after draining beef forever, before I serve it I put it in the microwave for 30 seconds to get any remaining fat out of it as it upsets his stomach). I mix chicken with beef to serve as all beef was too rich. I freeze the meat in 3 day plastic containers.....same with veggies. I cook carrots, beans, broccoli, celery, spinach, kale, and other veggies. I cook the leafy stuff just barely. I add eggs (18 to a huge batch) Also bake the shells and grind to powder for calcium. They must get enough calcium to balance the phosphorus in the meat but Wysong says it is in the Call of the Wild. I add it anyway. I also give him a probiotic and some kelp. I bought fish oil but he gets diarrhea from it. He is oil/fat sensitive so I gave that to my friend who helps. I grind the carrots, beans, broccoli, celery. I keep the veggies separate from the meat and mix when I serve. I use Call of the Wild by Wysong.net which is made for homemade diets Bentley weighs 80 pounds and is served a total of 24 oz of pre-cooked food per day in two servings.He is eating 2% of his weight which is the standard...but one must customize that for the particular dog. It is a starting place. An 8 pound dog would eat 10% of that which appears to be 2.4 oz Seems like not much. I use freeze dried trip and liver for treats (get them on Amazon). Let me know if you need more help. I do not get reminders regularly so pm me if you wish. I hope your little furbaby makes it comfortably for a long while. Not sure how long Bentley has. There are days when I check his breathing a lot and other days I think he will be here for several more months. Both make me weep. He pants a lot more than he used to when upright but not when he is down. I am sort of scattered today so pm me if you need more. Later today I will see if I can locate some of the sites I used when I was planning all this. I do know any dog I have in the future will eat homemade or raw. Peace Mary