Crossroads

I am so happy that my discussion about starting over has found a home. Unless a person has been through a death of a life partner, they do not understand the hesitation to begin a life with someone new, or even to live a singular solitary life. After Donald's death, I didn't know if I wanted to be in another marriage. I believe it had alot to do with the desire not to go through the grieving process all over again. Not just the grieving process, but also the difficult caregiving process. It was difficult as our marriage transformed from a healthy vibrant lifestyle traveling and enjoying our holidays together to a lifestyle where our days were spent in treatment, overnight stays at hospitals and visits to the doctors for updates. These holidays transformed from "Holi-days" into "Holy-days". Days in which we spent alot of time praying; sacred days of promising God we would do better. In January 2004, I found myself at the "crossroads" of my life. I had to leave the home that I shared with Donald for 20 years because it was deemed unhealthy. We had water damage and the apartment managers moved me to another apartment in the same complex. I was forced to examine his belongings and decide what I would and would not take with me as I prepared to move on with my life. That life changing experience I believe helped me to recognize and accept that life continues on despite my deep sense of loss. I felt that I was betraying him as I gave away or discarded his belongings. I was forced to make decisions I didn't want to make, nevertheless they were decisions I needed to make. I am thankful for my church family, which consisted of a small outreach ministry at the time for providing the spiritual support that I needed. I wonder how long it was for you before you accepted that you had to move on? Or, are you still struggling with that reality? Deborah

Today I find myself ten years after the death of my husband Donald at a crossroads. The signs at the crossroads reads, Past and Present. My past leads me down memory lane where I spent over twenty years with my late husband, Donald. The present is my life with my current husband, Willie. Two very different individuals. Two very different lives. Although I have rebuilt my life for the past 9 years with Willie..I3 years dating as he also worked through the grief of losing his wife and raising a 13 year old daughter without her, I have never disconnected from my attachment to "Donald Ducky". He makes me smile even today. Last night I wrote in blog a post, "Ten Years and Counting". It helps to write andt share my thoughts with others. In 2011, I published a collection of memories and tools that helped me through the grieving period, "Joy Comes Through the Mourning". In 2011, Willie and I attempted to start a ministry at our church called "Crossroads". We both are trained counselors. He secular and I am a biblical counselor. Unfortunately, it did not take off the way we had hoped. The individuals who attended are still in touch with us. We even got a thank you, because two of the attendee just recently started dating. We did not intend for our ministry to be a dating service. It was to be a resource where we could all share and reach out. My question to you. Where are you in your tranformation process? Have you been able to rebuild a life that brings you joy? Have you given yourself permission to move on, yet hold on to the wonderful memories of your previous relationship. I find that my life is fuller, because Willie and I include our late loved in our lives.