I turned 24 a few weeks ago. Usually I make a big deal about my birthday and plan something with my friends, but this year was different. It was my first birthday, first valentines day, first new years, first christmas and thanksgiving without my stepfather. He died of cancer in june, I took care of him. He was more than a father to me- he was a superhero.
When I was 12 my mother was diagnosed with cancer- he married her 5 days later and promised to take care of her, my brother, and myself no matter what happened.
She died when I was 17, a few months before I graduated high school.
I continued to drink and take pills to deal with my pain. I created a lot of art work as well.
I also now realize I began submitting myself to unhealthy relationships, in search of love that the other could never give me.
Two years later the homicide department knocked on my door. These officers sat me down to tell me my real father had killed himself. My heart shattered. He had been unemployed and battled with his own depression and money problems. I'm not sure I ever really dealt with this loss. until now at least.
Over the summer, when I became a caretaker for my sick stepfather, I prayed to my dead loved ones, for strength to get through another day. It was so taxing. so stressful and unusual for me.
After he died, my whole turned upside down. Not only was I taking on -all at once- a whole swarm of responsibility i never had- to pay bills and watch over myself...
A few months of living in my childhood home- my aunt, the homeowner- essentially kicked me out. Told me they were going to sell my house this spring and my drunk uncle was coming over everyday to tear apart the floors and paint.
I had to move. and I did.
I've lost my health insurance recently. another obstacle for me. The executor of my stepfather's will has shown her true colors- and made it clear that she is neither a good person or a part of my family any longer.
I'm not sure where to get the help I need, within the low budget i have.
I need support-from real people.