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About KarenK

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    Advanced Member

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  • Date of Death
    May 5, 2013
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Hospice Of The Valley, Phoenix, Az.

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  • Your gender
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  • Interests
    Outdoor Adventure,
    Native American Culture,
    Watching Movies

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  1. Patty, Love cannot be explained or justified, nor should it have to be. It is simply felt deep in your heart and soul. Although I have only met you and Steve one time each, you are both beautiful people. My best to you as you celebrate those lives you have loved and lost and the new life that is beginning for you. Life is what you make it.
  2. Marg, I have not considered leaving, but remaining more quiet. I'm sure those of you here get tired of hearing about my many problems. My grief combined with all that I have lost and will lose is simply insurmountable and hopeless. My son had to quit his job in January for health reasons and has been unable to find another one. In addition to struggling with financial responsibilities here, I am now supporting his household. All of this on credit cards that mount each month. I have been very sick for the past two weeks to the point where I couldn't stand up. My bad teeth need temp fillings again and the pain was excruciating. I took so many pain pills they stopped me up. My son brought over some of the leftover colonoscopy prep(nasty stuff) and it worked ,but I lived on the pot for 4 days. My grandson came and stayed with me for a few days in case I passed out trying to walk. I cannot remember the last time I slept for more than 4 hours. The worrying about what to do when I lose this home is on my mind 24/7. Yesterday was my 70th birthday, but no cause for celebration. Did not have a soul to speak to all day except the dog, but she is a good listener. Another year without the birthday call from my daughter. I know how sick I am when I can't even make it to Joe's Bar B Cue for the free meal. I feel totally defeated and hopeless. That is it in a nutshell, so I will shut up about it now. Just please, don't even consider leaving. We need you. I need you. We old southern gals have to stick together.
  3. Oh, Kay, I just saw this post and I'm so very sorry this has happened. I understand the helpless feeling you have. We always want to "kiss it and make it better", but sometimes it is just not possible. My daughter lost her first baby also, due to an overbearing Mother-In-Law. I would gladly have killed the woman at the time. I truly hope your daughter reaches out to you. Sending hugs and love.
  4. Thanks for the info, Kay. I tried it, but no one appears the right age or looks familiar. Of course, it's only been 55? years since I've seen the guy. LOL Was thinking of you today when I turned on my air conditioner. Here you are shoveling snow, and it's supposed to be 95 here this week. It amazes me how everyone's climate is so different.
  5. Marg, I think Billy & I would have been "$hitkickers" together. I have several CD's of Western movie themes, including some I recorded form youtube. Legends Of The Fall is one of my favorites. I bought the movie from Amazon. Sometimes it makes me sad to play them as I see Ron sitting on the couch watching his Westerns. Perry Mason was a favorite of my dad's. The Virginian(James Drury) was my heartthrob. I still watch him in the middle of the night. Like so many young, handsome stars, he has not aged well. I have autographed photos of a few Western stars I have met over the years, "Cheyenne"(Clint Walker) being my favorite. I have tried looking for that old boyfriend on the Internet and although his name is unusual, I have yet to find him. Attending a military academy would have put him right in the thick of Vietnam, so perhaps he is gone. I don't belong to Facebook so can't search for him that way. For me Gin, I think it's the old Country music that gets to me. I can remember us playing all the old albums and here come the blasted tears.
  6. Marg, When you get on the road, head for Scottsdale. I'll be packed and waiting. Love your attitude!
  7. Gwen, Just thinking of you and wishing I was closer so I could lend a hand. Hope you are able to rest some.
  8. This is sooo off topic, but gave me a much needed laugh. Hope it will give you all one too. Have you ever had one of those Keystone Cops moments? My garbage disposal had an odor, so I bought some cleaner packaged in little pods. Instructions said to drop in a pod, trickle water for 20 seconds, run disposal for 5 seconds, wait 2 minutes and wash away the foam. The problem was that running the disposal even for 5 seconds sent the whole thing immediately down the drain, no cleaning at all. So, I decided to dump in a little Fast Orange cleaner. When I squeezed the container, the 2" x 4" lid went down the sink with the disposal running. Fortunately, I retained enough sanity not to stick my hand in the disposal. No cleaning foam, just a bunch of chopped up plastic. I figure if I can still laugh at myself, I am okay. Thank you for your kindness, Brad.
  9. Brad, Grief has the ability to sneak up on you and pounce when you are least aware. I read your thread about "Wakey Bear" and was searching through very old albums for a picture of my Debbie and her "Morgie", a little pink dog she carried everywhere with her. I had found very faded, bedraggled "Morgie" in her closet after she died. She had kept him with her for 50 years. I was unable to find the picture, but instead found one that was truly heartbreaking. It had been taken about 1973 at our cabin in Munds Park. A Christmas dinner photo of my husband, my daughter, my mother, and my father snapped by me. The realization hit that they are all gone now, including the cabin. It almost feels as if my whole whole world has been erased and yet, I still exist. I still exist. How can that be?
  10. Gin, Was just getting ready to give you a "shout out". I know you are in Illinois and am hoping all the storms missed you. I have never lived in tornado country, but always kept watch for my daughter's area in Kentucky. She was hit once, but with minimal damage. Stay safe!
  11. Kay, I believe Gwen was referring to the comment that Kevin directed at me regarding age 70 being too young to be in a reclusive, depressive "rut". I did feel a bit slighted concerning my feelings, but I will get over it. I did not choose this "rut" for myself. Circumstances have handed it to me on a silver platter. I am glad some are able to navigate their way through devastation and grief with more ease than others. Gwen, silly question here. Have you been tested for fungal pneumonia or aspergillus? It may be common in a moist environment such as yours.
  12. Steve, My wish is for bright shining days and much happiness for you both.
  13. Such a beautiful tribute, Mitch. Your love and Tammy's is so apparent. Yes, the road we travel is so very endless and lonely. My heart goes out to you.
  14. Gwen, I just could not find the words to respond earlier. My heart bleeds for you. I heard those very words from my Debbie over the phone back in 2008 and similar ones from Ron's doctor in 2012. For years, I tried to stay strong and somewhat in denial of reality, I suppose, but in my heart I knew it was just a matter of time. In my wildest dreams, I could not have imagined what losing them has done to me. I once was an outgoing, fun loving, healthy person. Being reclusive and depressed has become a way of life for me. I don't like ME anymore. Therefore, why would anyone else. Yes, I have my son I see for a few minutes each week, but no friends of any kind to call. I no longer seem to have the energy or the will to climb out of the rabbit hole. I seem to deteriorate a little more each day. I am not even the same person I was when I got my dog Marley. I had visions of taking her to the mountains or the park. Those visions are gone. Fortunately, I have a large yard so she doesn't lack exercise, but I often wonder if she would be better off with a young family with children. I just can't let her go. She is all I've got. Next month, I will be 70. It is selfish, but there is no anticipation of joy or celebration. There will be no one to spend that special day with. Yes, I am still alive, but only on the outside. I understand so well what you express.
  15. Marg, I think happy childhood memories are part of what keeps us sane. I remember at age 6, we lived in a tiny oil town in West Texas near my mother's sisters. One aunt & uncle had a huge farm and lived in a big farmhouse out of town which was actually two houses connected with a walkway. The part I didn't like was when the chickens were beheaded and walked around without heads. Have been scared of chickens ever since. The other aunt(my favorite) & uncle lived at the edge of town near the Shell gas refinery where he worked. He also sold used cars on the side and always had a pocket full of silver dollars that he constantly jingled. A lot of love, laughter, and home canning went on in that house. They were one of few to get a TV back in 1953 and I sat in front of that TV for all my waking hours while my aunt brought me food. I was the only one who knew how to keep the picture from "rolling". Come to think of it, I am still sitting in front of the TV almost 24/7. That aunt was the one who had raised my mother when their mama died in 1918 in the flu epidemic. They were 9 and 7 then. She never had children, but all the little children of the Baptist Church were hers. She had a big craft room built in her back yard filled with things to the brim for those kids and taught Sunday School for probably 50 years until those "Christian folks" told her she was too old and replaced her, just like that. They broke her spirit and her soul. She died suddenly with Galloping Leukemia. I also have fond memories of living in the Tetons during summers age 11 to 13. Learned to shovel a lot of $hit(still shoveling) and ride a horse. Had my first "love affair" with and older guy(he was 17). We planned to run away to Mexico and get married. LOL Instead, he returned to military school and I to Phoenix. Have often wondered what happened to him. He would have been prime age for Vietnam. Well, I could write a novel just like you could, but you know what I mean. If only we could go back and start over...............