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jame57

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About jame57

  • Birthday 03/11/1963

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    June 2014
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Gloucestershire, UK
  • Interests
    Photography, History, Model-making.

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  1. Hello again, It's been a while since I last posted or logged in but I have been reading posts. It's nearing the 2-year mark for me and things are still rough but that's how things are. The very rough times don't scare me as much and I have sone better days. I've been diagnosed as having developed a General Anxiety Disorder and have been referred to a specialist. I seem to worry about everything and sometimes dread coming home from work unless something has happened with the cats or the house etc. My work is suffering as my mind wanders to worry about things. This morning I awoke to instantly worry that I saw one cat drinking water and my catastrophic thinking thought "oh no, she's dehydrated" which having relaxed I know to be an over-reaction. That's just one example. I was told of a change at work the other day and instantly thought "my job's on the line" when I know it's not. I just cannot relax and rationalise but wake up worrying about what I'm going to worry about. I'd had enough so saw the doctor who was very understanding and assured me it's all part of my grieving and that I'm alone for the firat time in my life. Has anxiety affected any of you to such a level that it makes everyday still so filled with worry and fear 2 years on? Sorry to ramble on.
  2. Thank you so much for your kind words. There are times when the sorrow is so awful and loneliness is all around. But there are easier times too. Whoever said grief comes in waves was spot-on. I've read your thread and have offered some thoughts. It's good you've joined this forum....such a friendly group of loving people
  3. I am so sorry that you've experienced such losses then to have this happen. As you know I was the main carer for my dear mum and when she passed away I just didn't know who I was or whether I would ever cope with life. I sure have rough patches and am in one now but it is different. It sounds to me that your ex is in shock and denial (but I'm no expert) and is understandably clinging on in an effort to feel close to his mum. When my mum died I experienced a desire to cut myself off from certain people, activities and places and concentrate on my grief and loss. Please don't think I'm saying what he's doing is in any way "right" ( it must be hell for you) but that what I've come to realise is that grief can make you act out of character (albeit temporarily). He needs to see a counsellor but if he won't communicate I'm not sure how you can get that across to him. Do you have any mutual friends near to where Mike lives?
  4. I couldn't agree more. Living with mum I lived my life around her and the stream of carers but I'd do it all again in an instant if it meant I could have her back. That would only be selfish of me though as mum was in pain and distress much of the time but she rarely complained. I would give up everything to be able to wind the clock back to when she and dad were healthy and active.
  5. That's true. Just one day can seem an eternity at times.
  6. Thanks both of you. We've just got to be kind to ourselves.....easier said than done I know. Just hate it a times but then think of mum and what she'd tell me. 2 months is no time at all mom's angel. It is bound to be raw and my heart goes out to you.
  7. I thought I'd update you on where I am today in my grief journey. The prospect of Christmas and New Year was a scary one for this second holiday season without mum. It wasn't as bad as last year and I had a few lighter days when I didn't feel so sad and anxious. I've been enjoying some of my hobbies which is a good sign as for so long I couldn't get interested. Going back to work after the Christmas break was a drag (as it is for most people) but it felt to me as though I thought "that's Christmas gone....now what?" I still feel down and blue but there are more lighter moments but also darker onrs too when the sense of loss and loneliness decends once again. I now fully appreciate what I was told earlier on in my journey.....that grief never ends but we get used to it, we learn to cope with it and walk alongside it for the rest of our lives until we're reunited with our loved ones again (oh what joy that day will bring). I know mum and dad want me to be ok but ever so slowly I'm beginning to see that this new normal is what I am left with and it's up to me to show them I can do it. It's still hell at times and fresh waves come along to knock me over. At times I feel guilty still for feeling ok when I do but slowly I'm starting to realise that's how it should be and it's what they want.
  8. Mom's Angel, I'm certainly no expert on such things but whether it was a dream or not, I feel sure it was your mum making contact. Don't be scared, she just wants you to know she's with you and watching over you. Oh how I wish that this would happen to me!
  9. Beautiful. Thank you for posting it.
  10. Thank you all for your kind replies. Yesterday was rather overwhelming and had one of those "how much more can I take" days. The only answer is to take it one day at a time. Bless you all.
  11. Thank you for posting that Butterfly. Very comforting.
  12. I came home tonight and saw this thread for the first time. I logged on to post exactly the same feelings as mom's angel. It's bad enough with Christmas approaching and I've saved shortcuts to many posts and articles on holiday grief but a new health condition is causing me pain and worry. Facing it on my own I feel like a child as I so wish I could talk about it with mum. So much bad stuff has happened lately and it's ovetwhelming me but reading your posts does reassure it's ok and to be kinder to myself. The last line of mom's angel's post sums it all up, the simple painful truth. I wish you all peace. (((((((Hugs)))))))
  13. Thank you. Christmas just makes me sad too and this will be the second one without mum and now Tilly's gone too. I've got her ashes back in a wooden urn in the shape of a sleeping cat. The vets did a lovely paw print in plaster and put it in a frame for me. She's free from pain and discomfort and with mum and dad now. Bless her.
  14. Thank you Kayc, It was a very sad day indeed and so was yesterday. Sometimes I think I'm not coping but I know I am really. It's grief and it's hard going on without those we love so much. I'd give anything to give her a hug and tell her I love her but then I like to think she can hear me still.
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