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Froggie4635

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    644
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About Froggie4635

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 03/30/1962

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Wife
  • Date of Death
    12/04/2014
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Houston, TX
  • Interests
    My fur babes: Pongo, Hannah and Max; music, art, Pinterest. Am hoping as this journey continues, my interests will grow.

Contact Methods

  • Yahoo
    maryann7022@yahoo.com

Recent Profile Visitors

1,636 profile views
  1. How is everyone?

    I recently posted about the car accident that totaled Mark's car...am still processing the whole thing. Have a new vehicle and adjusting to it; trying to personalize it since it is only MY car. I still put Mark's clip on sunglasses on the visor...since I was told he is with me whenever I drive. I will be starting treatment with a doctor as the lawsuit has gotten underway. Some days I delay taking any pain meds (ibuprofen/Bufferin) just to see if things are improving or not. Usually not. I went yesterday without any muscle relaxer, since I forgot to take it the night before...and I KNOW it hasn't really improved much. Insurance screwed me out of $130 when they paid off the car. They waited until I made the August payment on the loan, and somehow paid less than they told me they would just a week before when they said they were totaling it. Should not have deleted that text message. GGGRRR. On a lighter note, I have been seeing a really nice man for about a month and a half. We are taking it slow, but I think he was hand-picked by Mark. He even has the same sense of humor. He checked in on me the Monday after the accident and when I answered the door, he asked me straight-faced, "Where's your car?" and then smiled really big. What really showed me that he is a good guy was on our first meeting, he asked me what I went through when Mark died...what happened that day. He knew I was a widow, because I listed it on my profile (we met on Our Time dating site). He makes me smile, and makes me feel pretty. I have missed that so much. I haven't wanted the attention of a man since Mark died over 2 1/2 years ago. I was afraid I might be too boring for him....but he said that I was FAR from boring. Made me feel good. I told him that I could not tell him how things might go as the trigger months start to arrive (between Thanksgiving and my birthday the end of March). His birthday is December 13 (another Sagittarius...lol) might help this year. I thought in the beginning that I wanted to stay alone...but felt a nudge to get back out there...think it was Mark wanting me to be happy once again. I began removing a lot of the things I put up around the house to strengthen my connection to Mark; but now know that he is in my heart and don't need reminders in every room. Plus, I feel it is not right to bring someone new into a "shrine". There are reminders around that he will never know are there. I think that is fair. I still stop by every so often and check in to see how everyone is...so many who came when I did have gone away.
  2. The Car

    Kay, In fact, someone gave me a message that Mark was indeed watching out, and kept me from being hurt more seriously. I was told that he is with me each time that I drive. I am sure he is responsible for the witness who gave me her information. I didn't really need someone to tell me that...it helps to have validation though.
  3. The Car

    I asked the adjuster to give me a picture of the car so I can look at it and feel blessed to still be here. The car was totaled and paid off; I went and got another one on Thursday. A 2011 Honda Civic. I am adjusting to it. It doesn't hold the same special place as my Accord...not yet anyway. I am still processing the whole incident. Waiting for a copy of the police report to close the file on the property portion of the accident. I am still healing, hopefully on all levels. I know that there were special spirits watching out for me.
  4. The Car

    Thanks everyone. Taking this week off work to rest and begin to heal. Have a test to go to on Friday. Dealing with the insurance companies have given me more stress than the accident. It has been determined that the other driver was 100% at fault, so their insurance company is trying to tie everything up nicely. But I did not ask to be in an accident and now I am hurting and emotional. I cancelled the claim I made on MY insurance...the other insurance company advised me to do so to cover the storage costs on the car. Well, now that liability has been determined, they can pay it all. I also spoke with an attorney about the injuries I am dealing with. It is nothing serious, but I went to work on Tuesday and made it 4 hours. I know it could have been worse, and I am thankful. But I also did not expect this disruption in my life. Yuk!!
  5. I hope everyone is doing ok...sorry have not been on too much. A lot has been going on in my life lately. This passed Saturday, I was in a car accident. I am ok; just sore and bruised. But my car, the one that Mark and I bought together is more than likely totaled. The accident wasn't my fault, but it doesn't change the fact that the last real possession I had that was a connection to Mark is probably gone. I was able to maintain my composure at the scene, but as soon as I got into the house, I fell apart. I know that it was Mark who kept me from getting seriously injured....he even supplied a witness who saw the whole thing and said that I was not at fault. There are things to be thankful for. I am at work today, but not feeling real good. I went to the doctor yesterday and she said it will get worse before it gets better. I have to get something checked out a little further because of how the x-ray was read. But wanted to check in with my forum family....hugs.
  6. Hugs to you, Patti...transitions are never easy, but you have so much waiting for you as you begin this new chapter of your life. Ron is so very proud of you, and you can take this to a place where you can thrive and grow stronger. I know you can do it. Love, Maryann
  7. Apparantly Love Has Come Again

    Sometimes the contradiction comes from what we THINK we should do as a widow/widower, and what is the best thing for us. I did not think I wanted to love again, that I wanted to stay Mark's wife and be done with it. But my heart, and my soul are still filled with so much love. When your heart gets used to being so immersed in love, it aches to try and have it again. I learned how very quickly life can change. If love comes knocking on my door, I am going to answer.
  8. Stepping out into the world of dating is so very scary. And it is only something to contemplate and begin when you are READY. A while ago, I found myself curious about what was out there...and looked at it with totally different eyes now. I used to read in all the grief books about dating again, and I sternly and solidly said NO. I loved my husband and would continue to do so. It was only his arms and his smiles that I wanted around me. But I really began to miss the interaction...the conversations and the just knowing someone else was there and cared for me. It took me a good while to come to terms with the things people had said about Mark wanting me to be happy and not live the rest of my life alone and sorrowful. I have only loved two men in my life, and both taught me so much about love, and about myself. But losing Mark also taught me that life is so short, and you never know how much time you have and what the future holds. For a week and a half now, I have big smiles every day. It feels good to have something to look forward to. I am still so very cautious with my heart and baby-stepping into this. He has been very respectful of that. Right now it is only texting and emails. That is how it was when I started out with Mark; we did not meet for a month after we began communicating. You just have to do what is right for YOU. It is not always a phrase you like to hear when you have lost the love of your life, but life truly does go on. Be patient with yourself, JCHP. Let your confidence grow.
  9. A Milestone

    The milestones in my life just keep coming...for the last few months I have been wanting so much to venture out into the world and see what is out there; stepping away from my safe cocoon of grief and widowhood. I have felt something pulling me out. Those who are close to me knew it was never their place to suggest it was "time". I had to make that decision on my own, when I was completely ready. Last week, I stepped out further than I have since Mark died. And for the brief time I was out there, someone entered my life and I was intrigued. At this point it is nothing more than emailing and texting. But it makes me smile to see a message from him. I have begun to release the hold I had on Mark and my loss. I have been getting some signs telling me I was on the right track. I removed so many of the things I felt I needed to remind me of Mark and I realized that he was always there, and that he wasn't going to go away. But I also felt ready to make room in my heart. I decided this weekend to remove my wedding rings and replace it with a simple widow band...a sterling silver eternity band with black stones (cubic zirconia). I am going to put away a majority of the pictures I had all over my house of Mark; things that I put up right after he died to try and hold on and feel close to him. I had to learn that he was ALREADY close and I no longer needed all the reminders. No one can replace Mark EVER. And the things I have left around my home now make me smile instead of feeling somber. Losing Mark the way I did taught me one thing...life is so short. It is one thing to be patient; it is another to keep your life on hold. I felt I needed to keep my life the way it was when I was married. Technically I'm not married any longer. Mark would want me to find happiness and accept it when it walked into my life. I have really gotten re-connected to Maryann. I feel now like I am more than just existing; I am ready to open my life and my heart and move forward into the future.
  10. Changes I'm Making

    Dear Anne, When my Annie was nearing the end of her life and needed to be on pain meds, but wasn't eating, it created problems. What I ended up doing was buying a mortar and passel, grinded the pill up and mixed it with peanut butter. She would then take the pill without knowing it. It is a lot of extra work, but sometimes we have to take stronger methods to get the job done. Have you tried the pill pockets that are on the market? People seem to rave about them.
  11. I'M BACK!!!!

    Darrel, Welcome back and welcome to Houston...good to have you here. Finances can wreck havoc on our sanity, and trying to get people to correct their mistakes can drive us to that edge. Sometimes one has to step back and gather our thoughts and find our "center". Let us continue to be your sounding board, and know you are amongst friends here.
  12. A Milestone

    I had NO IDEA how just completing this ONE task has affected so many other areas of my life...some good, some creating more adjustments. I actually LOVE driving and am so very comfortable with the day to day driving I do, so much so that I want to drive somewhere instead of going home. I continually push myself out of my comfort zone by driving to different areas and getting into more traffic. I have finally gotten my MIL to accept that I am NOT going to call every morning and every evening. Of course I now am responsible for paying for all the gas, even though I seem to get a lot of mileage out of each fill up. One of the things that is beginning to surface is aspects of grieving that I did not really deal with because I was spending so much time (in person and on the phone) with Mark's mom. I find I feel more anger now; anger that is not necessarily directed at any one thing. I no longer am feeling under the thumb of my MIL, so now it is ALL ME and MY feelings. I am feeling more emotions bubbling just under the surface, especially when I witness anything that has to do with couples...weddings, engagements, anniversaries. Now that I am with just me more, I can begin to feel the aloneness. I don't mind being alone; have always had a small circle of friends. I was alone for quite a few years before I met Mark and I am settling back into that. The difference now is that if I am tired of being alone, I can jump in the car and go be with people. I now have more choices, and that creates both pros and cons...especially for someone who hasn't enjoyed making choices and decisions since Mark died. Every so often when driving to work in the morning, I can hear Mark saying, "you're doin' it". It's funny how losing the most important person in your life really takes away a lot of fear. I've been through the worst thing that could happen and made it. The one thing I was afraid of doing, I conquered it. I'm not ready just yet for any new challenges. I have been off kilter for most of this month, between having so much time off, and having to disassemble my office and my sanctuary because we were getting new carpet. I need to get everything back in place and get back in my routine before I am ready to take on anything new. But, like Mark has been telling me...I'm DOIN' IT!
  13. Changes I'm Making

    Decided to take advantage of the wonderful Houston weather, and the Passover holiday and take a few vacation days. I have already painted my front door a beautiful pansy purple, erected my rooster artwork creation and I just took down the blind in my bathroom (Mark had put this up the first Christmas we were in this house), and "frosted' my window with vinyl coating. It is going to be time to add new plants, since it has gotten too warm for my favorite pansies. I have had to deal with mice, I chased them from the house by spraying a mixture with peppermint oil and water around the doors. I haven't seen any evidence of them lately. I have a couple writing assignments to get underway for the Grief Diaries book series. My brain is more on projects around the house, so creative writing has to wait. I don't seem to be able to be creative and project completion minded at the same time. At work we are going to be getting new carpet, so that meant a lot of boxing stuff up (and we had no AC because they are replacing the chill tower) before I went on vacation. I had to take down all my decorations and pictures in my cubicle. Will have to think about refreshing some of them when I set it up again. I got through my birthday, so I don't have anymore events or holidays to mark until fall. I still have that feeling of anticipation (with no real event to anticipate), and it is kind of affecting my focus. I met with Rabbi Jill to find out how to approach a conversion. I let my guard down and lots of feelings came flowing out. It could take between one to two years to complete it.
  14. Not sure where to put this post...last night while watching "Long Island Medium" there was a father looking to get a message from his son that had passed. Something that was said really touched me and made me start to cry. He was told that the reason he wanted to spend so much time with his son during his life was that somehow his soul knew he wasn't going to get much time with his son. I always felt that way about Mark. I ALWAYS wanted to spend my time around him...not only because I was in love with him so deeply, but that somehow perhaps I knew that he wasn't going to be in my life for very long and I wanted to get in as many memories as possible. There are times I feel terrible that I took for granted that we would have YEARS and years to be together. I know he left this world a contented man.
  15. Remembering my Jim's Birthday

    Anne.... Thinking of you today. Hope you can feel the hugs coming here from Texas. Maryann
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