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MissingMom

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    8
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  • Date of Death
    April 10, 2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Henrico, Virginia

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  1. That's a great tool, Kayc. I like the part about reminding yourself that you've already visited that "guilt" once when it tries to come back again. Thanks.
  2. Gigi-T: your post made me really think and really feel so very sorry for you. I thought my Mom's situation with her healthcare and doctors screwing up was bad, but your story is worse. One doctor perscribed my Mom the drug Amiodorone. It caused irreparable damage to Mom's lungs and she was on oxygyn 24-7 for a couple of years. After steriod therapy, her lungs improved enough for her only to be on oxygen at night, but that's what contributed to her death from the radiation. It's like one screw up after another and like you, I feel as if I let her down by not letting the doctors essentially kill her, in my mind. Your story about the doctors pushing for hospice and Comfort Care is so familiar. They called it "palliative care," which meant take her off oxygen so she'll die, which is what my Mom ultimately decided after six weeks in the hospital. She gave up because the health care system gave up on her. I spent a whole lot of time with my Mom ... I moved a few doors down from her two years ago to help take care of her as she aged, and she, in turn, got my kids off the bus every day and took them to the pool all summer. I bet you miss your best friend terribly. The part where you wrote that you've tried reconnecting with old friends and relatives, but that makes things worse, sounds very familiar. And goodness, the widow you took to dinner should know better herself than to operate a motor vehicle after so many cocktails! You have enough on your emotional plate than to have to worry about a stranger killing herself or others behind the wheel. You sound like you are taking a step in the right direction by seeing a therapist and going to group therapy. I certainly hope the passage of time helps you. Thank you so much for replying to my post.
  3. Your story about Kathy's leg and the decision not to amputate is very powerful. Thanks for sharing. You are so right. What good is the guilt I'm feeling about the treatment I supported that ultimately killed my mom? Thinking about the way things might've turned out if I'd done something differently only serves to make me more upset. It's hard to stop the thoughts from simply popping up, though. Any you're right, Mom wouldn't like me to feel guilty about the circumstances surrounding her death. She'd tell me to get over it!
  4. Thank you for your nice words. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom dying of Dementia. My Nannie suffered from the same illness and it was very tough at the end. I feel for you and your family. You're right; there was absolutely nothing you could do to stop it from progressing, and I bet deep down your mom was so grateful to have you in her life. I had the argument with myself many times about taking my mom in too, but ultimately, she wouldn't move in with me because she knew I couldn't care for her 24/7 ... I had to sleep and go to work, etc... as you did. And you are so right ... I wish I could have somehow saved her and I wish she was still here with us. The situation with your dad's heart attack sounds really sad. I bet that was really hard for everyone involved too.
  5. Hi Cindy. Thanks for responding to my post, and thanks for the advice from someone whose been through the same thing. You've made me think ... I don't want to miss anything that might be going on with my kids while I'm in this grief-caused depression fog. I've looked into the counselor thing, but I haven't taken the step of actually making an appointment. I used all my "leave" time at work caring for my mom so I'd have to take time away from home life to see a counselor. I know it's important, but I work full time and feel like I'm away from my kids so much already. It's a struggle. So very sorry to hear of the loss of your son and mother. Thanks for your hugs, back at you
  6. Hi Suzanne. Thanks for reaching out to me. It's comforting to know others are feeling similarly. I'm so very sorry to hear about your husband dying from prostate cancer. I imagine his death is a horrible loss for you and his other loved ones. My dad died suddenly of a heart attack in 1986 when I was 16, and I watched my mother struggle through his death. Losing your partner must be incredibly hard. I hope you are hanging in there. I'm offering you a big virtual hug back. You're right, I really should get back on the treadmill. I've been an avid treadmill walker most of my adult life and I haven't been walking since my Mom went into the hospital six weeks before she died, so I guess it's been about three months. I've gain some weight, but I just can't seem to make myself do it. When I get home from work, all I want to do is sit down and have a drink, which is probably the worst thing I could do! Anyway, thanks again for your caring words.
  7. Thanks so much, Marty T, for your kind words and suggestion. I will certainly read the article you recommend and explore the counselor avenue.
  8. My mother died on April 10, 2015 and while I'm a little better, I feel like I have a really long road ahead of me. I have all the classic grief symptoms: weight gain, increased alcohol use, trouble concentrating at work, trouble sleeping, difficulty finding the joy in life, crying at the drop of a hat, etc... It's been a tremendous struggle. As I begin this topic, I realize there are so many issues going on, I don't even know where to begin. First, I'm frustrated about the circumstances surrounding my Mom's death. She died from the radiation treatments, not from the lung cancer she was diagnosed with. Her death certificate actually says she died from "radiation pneumotitis" (sp?), but her radiation oncologist never stopped by the hospital during the six weeks she was in there dying from her treatments. I feel like they killed her with their drugs and treatments and there are no consequences for them; they just get paid a lot of money. I've read a lot of literature during the past six weeks about how there is a higher incidence of cancer treatments killing patients versus the cancer itself. Yes, I'm playing the "bargaining" game. What if we'd gone with a natural cancer treatment? What if we'd gotten a second opinion? I was the one who took my Mom to all her doctors' appointments when she was diagnosed with cancer and I'm the one who weeded through all the medical jargon to help her understand the suggested treatments. Of course, I feel guilty for leading her down the path that ultimately led to her death. Why didn't I question the treatments more? Why didn't I do more research on the ineffectiveness of chemo and radiation? She might still be here today ...
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