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About scba

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    my boyfriend
  • Date of Death
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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  1. Sean, We rationally understand that they are not there. Still, it hurts. it is part of this whole grief experience. We understand.
  2. Healing

    I feel the same way. Outside from this forum, my experience with long time widows/ers and recent widows/ers has been depressing and confusing.
  3. Last night I dreamed with my boyfriend. I can't remember the dream very well, I don't remember what we were doing, we were looking after a task. What I remember is how I felt, I felt what I felt when I was with him, what there is or has been in my heart, it came back in my dream. My smile was the one that existed when he was here. My heart was complete again, for seconds, for minutes, it was what it has been, once more. I don't know how to explain this experience. I know all of that is attached to Him, is part of us, and exists only if we still do. Now, it belongs to occasional dreams. It reminds me of a chapter from Viktor Frankl's book: "That brought thoughts of my own wife to mind.....I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise. A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth—that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire......I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way—an honorable way—in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment".
  4. Healing

    Agree, that is how it feels to me. I also have this idea of grief as living in the exhile
  5. Marg, you wrote once Something like "do not speak to those whose feet haven't touched the flames". I'm trying to do it, I talk about my grief to my counselor and here. I stopped my quest to be understood, sadly.
  6. I'm closer to my 40s and I think it applies to my age as well.
  7. Articles Worth Reading

    Dear all Dear Marty Do you have any suggestion of articles about grief and resillience? I am a bit confused about resilience, I've been targeted with that word/advise which to me doesn't make sense with what I'm going through. So, I would like to learn more. Thanks in advance.
  8. I understand. I feel the same about my boyfriend's passing.
  9. I'm so lost

    Welcome ryan noah
  10. I would like to suggest you this article: Tim Lawrence - Grief isn't wallowing
  11. I understand how you feel Brad.
  12. Yes! Last night I've been asked why I haven't visited my home town in the last couple of months, and if it was because I am dating someone. I was shocked at the question cause it caught me unprepared. I tried to take it well, tried to think that they ment well, but these thoughts navigate slower than my tongue, so I replied with: "that's not the reason, and if you want to know further why you will hit a wall". I'm tired to think what to say, what not to say. I've never been in such a tyring place in my life.
  13. I SO AGREE!!!! Of course the future is unknown, but I too would be surprised if it happens again. I can't imagine that to be possible. Perhaps will be different. But never the same, and not even with the profound it has been.
  14. Mitch, Same here. Today attended a small lunch, all couples but me. It didn't affect me much, thank God. The emotional wall is functioning today. Still, I didn't feel that these couples were truly in love. I have become very sensitive to energy, emotions and feelings from others, I sensed mostly "routine". Which made the gap between them and what I had to be wider. I could not understand why I have been deprieved of my relationship. Maybe I am so crazy that I think I get others' feelings and that I am right. Doesn't matter. They are together, I am a widow.