KarenDensie

Hi Dave58, Thank you for your beautiful suggestion. It's wonderful that things worked out so well for your mother and for you. Long story short, my husband and I tried again and again, but my mother wants to live in her home town, and be able to be near her church in Minnesota, etc. Honestly, (in her defense) the quality of health care is quite inferior where we live, and I doubt that she would be alive for very long if she were to live in Africa with us. We are really dealing with third-world quality medical care here, to say the least. And yes, it has been a difficult choice to come to terms with, but it's her decision. And I fully intend to be with her should she start to go into a quicker decline. But it's heartening to hear of a story where someone was able to experience something full of such love. Even though the end is so sad, in that your mother died, still, it's happy because you were with her.

Thank you to everyone who has replied to my post. I so appreciate each of your kind thoughts. I'm coming to realize that, like the grieving I went through when my father died, this sort of pain ebbs and flows, and is usually triggered by something I see or hear--something that reminds me of the loss which is coming. I just need to find a way to keep it together when I experience this pain. Like many of you who may read this, I have to many people depending on me to have the luxury of falling apart. Kayc, you ask who is taking care of my mom. My mother is now in the nursing home she chose. It is a good place, and I know that most of her needs will be met there. She moved to the nursing home two days ago, and I'm sure she is going through an adjustment period. It's been more difficult because I haven't been able to reach her by phone as one had not been supplied for her yet. Hopefully, that has been taken care of now. Anyway, she will be evaluated for hospice services, and she's where she wants to be, so I don't "worry" about her. Again, thank you for your kind words. MartyT, I will read the pages you gave me the links for. Thank you.

I'm sorry, because I don't know if this is posted in the correct spot. My father died ten years ago, and now my mother is dying. I am having a very hard time dealing with the anticipatory grief associated with her chronic illness and pending death. I live overseas with my husband and children, while my mother has just been put in a nursing home in Minnesota. Her doctor has given her a year to live. I'm overwhelmed with guilt and grief about not being able to be with her, and although I should be able to visit her within the next 3 months or so, I am so ripped apart by not being with her now. What's strange is that although we live so far apart from one another, we have both adapted, and have been able to maintain a fairly close relationship between phone calls, emails and my visits. But now, as I contemplate life without her, I am stunned. I am an only child, and lost my father 10 years ago. I'm devastated because I know that with my mother's passing, whether it be tonight, or five years from now, I will have lost the last person who loved me unconditionally, and I'm not sure I can continue without her. I know I will have to remain strong for my children, and because I must work to help support my family. I don't have the luxury of suicide, or giving up. I can't be that selfish. But my breath is taken away at the thought of having to live in a world without her. I never would have guessed that grief beforehand could hurt so much. I really don't know how to go on.