Marg M

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About Marg M

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    wife
  • Date of Death
    October 17, 2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Mount Ida

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  1. Everybody has got to die, but I have always believed an exception would be made in my case. William Saroyan I've always been a big reader, but years ago, when I thought I possibly was going to die young (to me), I had the little book where Saroyan said this in. I seem to remember it as being small and it hit home with me. Saroyan had just been given the kiss of death and being the writer that he was, it came out as very powerful to me and must be what many people think. It was only yesterday I remember those terrible crow calls and animal calls that Billy would sit on the couch and make with his collection of "calls," and I would think, "your aggravating the heck out of us on purpose but one day I will wish I could hear them." And, it was just yesterday. Time to me is no more. I went back and read about this statement. Actually he passed away in 1981, and just before he died, he called someone and gave this statement. He was Armenian (but I believe lived his life in California) and had a big white mustache and I could have seen him playing in "Fiddler on the Roof." I remember the reason I was reading his book, and it was a book on depression, his own, that he had written. Sometimes my "remembering" lies to me, or I lie to myself. Sometimes things that never happened seem more real that the last five minutes.
  2. Honestly, after I read the last book I mentioned, I feel he is even further away. I want him to be totally happy, not hurt, for time to not be a thing, but I feel a real distance I have not felt till now. Of course he is gone forever, how could he be anymore gone than he has been for 17 months? But he is in my heart and all the other cliches. I don't know how I feel, sort of stupid and alone. He did not do this on purpose, I know he wanted to stay and I told him he couldn't leave. He did not listen to me. We were immortal, yet we weren't. Now I cannot find him. I don't want him hurting or worrying. I just cannot feel him listening. Now it is time to find me. He is gone and I am sorta pissed off.
  3. Besides "inquiring minds want to know." Yes, I am nosy. I am thinking about this "landlord" and what becomes of the trial. Now, I do wish you and Steve happiness, but I honestly am more interested in a woman winning out over a man in a lawsuit. Yes, I'm just that mean. Hopefully Steve can help. But, if your partner was "touched or somehow manhandled" by that landlord, I want the screws put to him.
  4. Daigle, a good ole Louisiana name. This was a beautiful story. It is like Brianna grew up with Billy. I kept the radio off and talked to Jesus and Billy all the way to Magnolia and back, about 90-100 miles total, probably less. Talked to Jesus more probably cause now I feel that there is no way Billy would return, and it is my feeling (mine alone) that I am not sure anyone would want to return. Kinda of tee'd me off a little thinking that, but I so hope that is true. No more pain, only happiness. Daddy would have to teach a class at church some Wednesday nights and he and Mama talked. (Usually they fussed about something), might have been arguing this time but what Mama said stood out back those very many years ago. "You shall know as you are known." I have not looked it up. My faith runs all over the places like the Smurf's. I still have it though. Just a few more questions that I am not even sure I want answered cause I might have to be gone to know the answer. This was a beautiful story, beautiful voice, and her grandfather must have loved to hear her sing. I wonder if the daughter he saw as he was dying was her mom. Thank you George.
  5. I sometimes criticize the Baptist, because I have always been one. I mentioned my dad was one of three deacons in our little Missionary Baptist Church. Sorry Kay, like I say, I am still Baptist, but looking to change, always have been, but not looking too hard. As a child, I knew some of our "laws" were not actually fair to everyone and that sometimes (and I grew up with some strict family laws) it seemed my little church figured everyone was going to hell but them. I mentioned also, when I was grown and back in church again, our Southern Baptist Church was preaching about two religions, about the people going to hell, and I got my purse, stood up in front of the middle of this group of people and turned my back and walked out. I don't remember going back. (But I also do not remember getting out of bed this morning, but I did). Could not go to sleep till 3:00 a.m., even with my "potion." Religion is another path we choose, just like faith, non-faith, or whatever way we choose to go. If the Jewish faith makes you feel something (at this point feeling anything is wonderful), then you go your own path, and you leave your footprints, others may follow. I tend toward the Catholic, have not studied it too much but did retire from two hospitals, one was Catholic, and I can still see that cross on the wall going in and out of my coma. I remember the nun holding my hands and praying over me and a feeling of peace. I don't know if it was my "peace that passes all understanding" or what it was. I am still searching. And, I will do what is right for me. I might leave footprints also.
  6. Well George, that is one that I definitely need to read. Now putting it into practice is gonna be another thing entirely. Sometimes I can be a hard woman, but most times I am butter in the sun. Thanks for the book reminder.
  7. No Cookie, we can never "let it be" but I think I understand something I have wondered about. Letting "scar tissue" grow over the wound. I really think I understand what Rose Kennedy meant now. I have wondered about that for awhile.
  8. Patty you needed help, emotionally and in business too. What you have is your's and Steve's business and no one else's. I personally am glad he is there to help you through this business, with your business. I think he probably has the experience and no one is going to walk all over you because you are a woman. We have come a long way baby, but we women can still be "used" as the "weaker sex." Sometimes it is hard to stand up to by ourselves. Wish you both nothing but happiness.
  9. Wow, a memory came to my head reading back over this. I think it was a country song and it was a date that had gone bad and I think she said "and I shaved my legs for that!" I am sure it is on google but I'm headed to town. Okay, my OCD got the best of me. Do you ever fight with yourself not to go back and look at something and you know your gonna do it. Well, this will help nobody but me. It was a Deana Carter country song. Funny how things will stick in your head. This is it, to nobody in the world but myself. George, don't shave your legs. I bought these new heels, did my nails Had my hair done just right I thought this new dress was a sure bet For romance tonight Well it's perfectly clear, between the TV and beer I won't get so much as a kiss As I head for the door I turn around to be sure Did I shave my legs for this Read more: Deana Carter - Did I Shave My Legs For This? Lyrics | MetroLyrics
  10. “ ’Tis true they are not worth a ‘tinker’s damn’ ” (1839, from Henry David Thoreau’s journal); I loved it. Being from the south, we have so many expressions that others do not have, or maybe even understand. We are taught in school never to say the word "aint" and yet we use it as much as "bless his/her heart." My language was even laughed at by Billy. If I was thirsty, it always came out as Thursday. Ants were always "aints." Last night I used a word that my granddaughter (bless her heart) came unglued with and she honestly fussed at me. She is a quiet little thing. I am glad I don't have a cooking show because I would have to make a tearful confession to using a term that was commonplace with my growing up. My laundry basket wheels are shot, Scott tried to fix them. I said "never mind, I will "the N word" rig them. It just automatically came out of my mouth. I have been properly chastised and won't say it again. It is not something I say all the time anyhow. I wouldn't dare. Gosh it is hard to be so politically correct all the time.
  11. Wish there was a happy medium. Honestly wish I could share the latest about my daughter, but after awhile it gets sorta boring. Sometimes also, the truth defies reality. Do we ever quit worrying about our kids? Mama and Billy used to talk on the phone. I figure Mama called Billy. I'm sorry, I know I should be ashamed of myself, but Mama told Billy "She was not brought up to act like that." I had been with Billy about 25 years at the time. Besides Kay, if I did not have them to gripe about, what would I do? I said I wanted to die of boredom, and I guess if I could not gripe and complain I would get bored.
  12. People are going to do what they want to do regardless of the opinions (judgments) of others. Billy's brother was probably one of my favorite characters. He liked older women. First wife seven years older. Woman he lived with 25 years I don't think was older. She would not marry because she would lose dead husband's pension. During all this time there were other women. Borrowed our car once to take Pansy out. Joined the church and they were very busy in their church work. He even dated the preacher's wife. Sickness, unmarried wife wanted to pull the plug, Billy stepped in. BIL went to nursing home because he had ICU syndrome, unmarried wife died. He was elected king of Valentine's at nursing home. We got him out, he lived with us about two weeks. It was too confining. He had beginnings of Parkinson's disease, he had been a welder for years. He rode with me bringing his things to Arkansas. Billy drove the truck behind us. We found a seniors living place for him and he was happy. I wanted him to stay with us. He was "the man" among all those old women. When he was feeling low for running around on Mary (they were not married), I told him there would be another woman for him. He perked up and said "Do you really think so?" Must have been 70 then. Little 72-73 year old woman, adorable, he took a liking to. All the little women were after him. She would get so jealous. She had the beginnings of Alzheimer's. They had two years together (we would see them at the grocery store holding hands). They lived in downtown Hot Springs, and he would take her to all the little restaurants close by. He reminded me that I had told him he would find another woman. He died quite suddenly at the same hospital Billy left me in. He said those two years with this wife were the happiest in his life. He was a character. I would not wish any years of loneliness to anyone that might want companionship. Some want companionship. Some know being alone is never really being alone. And, if you want to stay alone, that is your business. If you want companionship, like my BIL wanted it, then make your own lemonade, it's your life. And, if you want it, in your own time, then you don't give one tinker's damn what other people think. More power to you. (I am going to google that, I don't know what it really means.)
  13. Well, it is the only thing I have.
  14. Well, that certainly was the truth. To me it is strictly up to the individual. Now, my friend, when she died and I called right after the funeral (day after) to offer my condolences the man's mother said the husband (her son) was on his honeymoon. He was lonesome. Now to me, in my opinion, I think that was a tiny bit soon. But, it did not hurt my friend's feelings, she did not care. Supposedly Billy would not care. I want to believe he is in a place he would not care, but I am only allowed one Xanax a night and I don't think they will give me more. In real life, Billy would not have wanted me to find someone else after he left. Yes, I am 100% positive of it. Besides, I am gonna be 75-years-old in August. What in this world would I want with another man. If I wanted a companion, I would get a dog, but that might be cruel also for the dog. Nah, I am not good company, it would run away and I would probably be glad. Now, that is just my opinion for myself. I don't believe in ghosts, but I don't not believe in them either.
  15. Thank you Butch. She is a sweetheart and both pictures make me smile. She is adorable.