Marg M

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About Marg M

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    Advanced Member

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
    October 17, 2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
    Mount Ida

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  1. Well, that sure brought a positive smile. Love it.
  2. I like your attitude Darrel. Onward we go.
  3. What better company for a kid than Grandpa. What better to bring smiles than grandchildren. Thank you Butch. Hope Caleb gets to feeling better fast, know it is hard with the depression he feels, that you all feel, but then there is Gracie, a smile every time I see her. It is a long time till October. Hope Katie feels much better.
  4. I did take it personally Mitch. I knew of no other way to take it.
  5. I'm removing my post. My mustard seed faith believes judgement should come from where faith originates.
  6. No specific names, all of you perhaps, I resist reading things now, except on here. I started reading one that had spiritual "hookups" with the "departed." It gave me chills to even think of going there. What faith I have is religious faith, and I guarantee you that mustard seed is still worn, but I have to do the work myself.
  7. I am the most immature, I am my weakest, if it did not hurt my back my hands would skim the ground like the cave women. And I am 74. If I don't straighten up and out a good straitjacket might help my disposition, but I want a padded room too. And, I love everyone on here, but I want my own room by myself.
  8. A book that was supposed to be uplifting, supposed to be true for one man, should have been uplifting for me, threw me into a dark place that I cannot talk to Billy anymore. I am not delusional enough to think he could answer, but I was possibly thinking he was listening. A book that was supposed to strengthen my faith called "Life after Heaven." Kinda reminds me of a Mark Twain quote, "Be careful reading health books, you may die of a misprint."
  9. Gwen, my association with the Doors was the movie and Val Kilmer. My granddaughter is a musical genius and played the music for me straight away. It's true. (In 1967, I was strictly country).
  10. I wonder sometimes looking at my friends. One had to have loved her husband as much as I loved Billy, they were high school sweethearts. I asked her if she still talks to her husband (been about 7 years), and it was kinda like she patted me on the head (figuratively), and said "your still young in your grief." And now I cannot talk to him. Don't know why. Not what she said. It is a block. He did not talk to me back of course, but I kinda felt he heard me. Now he doesn't. I sure wish I had my mystical, fantastical, magical imagination. I think that part of my life left when Billy left.
  11. I think being "older" that I use my age and forgetfulness sometimes to excuse whatever I have forgotten. I also use it when I am shopping for something, all you have to do is hang your head and explain. We have many fine men and women that will help you. There are also those that will take advantage of you, and you can point them out right away. I am not adverse to dirty tricks.
  12. My lifelong friend lost her husband nearly 20 years ago. She never remarried. Their vacations were spent on Lake Ouachita. She talked about how much they loved it. Terry even wanted his ashes put there. Nope, she keeps them with her. She nor her kids can go back. My daughter feels closer to her dad where he left us, think my son does too. Probably first time she had to take no for an answer.. I won't go back. I don't even want to visit and my coworkers were like I had known them all my life. I cannot go back. Hettie, my neighbor there, she knew she was going to lose me for a friend, but she understood. Yet, she cannot leave the house her husband built for them (construction), her roots are there, her kids are there, ancestors, and she cannot/does not want to leave. She mentioned wanting a smaller house. She won't get it though. She is happiest right where she is. I'm happiest not being where he left me, where we were our happiest.. People are strange. (I am).
  13. “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear,” says C.S. Lewis in the opening line of A Grief Observed. Maybe grief doesn’t just feel like fear, maybe it is fear. In my life, in mine alone can I talk about, but I have never had so much fear. Without him, I know fear daily. "Getting to know myself" is something I never cared to do.
  14. I admire you greatly for having a trainer. Personally, at my age, he would be the first thing I forgot. The second would be the list. Oh, I make them occasionally, sometimes I have to for the grocery store. I hate lists. The forgetting part is something my family is used to and I'm not sure if sometimes they might lie to me about reminding me of something, but I do keep a calendar, and they all call me to put down their appointments. I still do that. Sometimes I feel the forgetting is on purpose (for me) and it does not bother me anymore.
  15. Gin, I think I really went a little insane. Everything I was not supposed to do, things that most people would do, I would do just the opposite. I never worried about what people thought of me. Here is the little old widow moving into an apartment, her husband deceased, she could not afford to stay in her house. I could have. The repairs that needed done, I could have hired them done. It was a beautiful paradise, but it was hell to me because he was not there and he had been. (He was ready to leave also, in the RV). Definitely not the way he left. I gave my house away, it is leased, but they will buy it. They have made so many improvements and if I was a mean person I could move them out when the lease is up and sell it for a profit. The outside ladders, the one in the garage (at least three big ones) I gave to "someone." A scavenger man came up and my son had to watch him or he would have taken everything. He even took the outside watering hose. I bought myself three Costco folding ladders in three different sizes, sturdy. And now, sometimes I wonder what I've done with something. If it is not in those 15 big plastic tubs with the tops on them, then I have to forget it. I kept most all his clothes. I actually don't open the boxes, don't know if I ever will. I bought what I had to have. Today I was looking for the vanilla flavoring and I remembered, I have not bought any yet. And, instead of honoring him by watching all his westerns, I saved all his C.J. Box westerns on my Kindle. I cannot get rid of them. I read a lot of them after he finished them. Cannot let them go, cannot read them yet. We are all strange in our grief. We are all different. I try not to bump the scar tissue too often.