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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Forever Broken

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  • Posts

    2
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About Forever Broken

  • Birthday 10/25/1992

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Mother - Daughter
  • Date of Death
    February 3 2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    New York, NY
  1. Thank you so much for ur kind words Kayc && Sweetwater. Right now I actually don't really have anybody to talk to I've tried in the past but it's hard for me to see somebody else say they hurt but I never feel lik it's the same so I shut down ... I fear goin to talk to a professional because I know my pain is way beyond this passing of my mother n they might take me away from all my responsibilities ... Before my mother passed we always talked about me goin to talk to somebody but I always pushed it off ... Between having a social anxiety and just being angry at the world it's hard for me to ever express how I'm feeling to anyone but my mother ... It will b a year next month n I'm not ready I don't even know how I made it .. Just happy 2015 is over I try so hard to make sure my daughter knows her grandma and knows how much she really loved and cherished her and she seems to understand... But than I start to cry looking at that beautiful smile she had and how I will never get to her the laugh n all I can hear out my daughters mouth at this point is " mommy ur sad , u miss grandma , grandmas sleeping all day " (that's what she says her grandmas sleeping all day because she was there in myths bed with her the day we found her ) I don't wanna b broken anymore in front of my babygirl but I don't know who to turn to
  2. My mom died in her sleep on the morning of Tuesday February 3rd 2015, my daughter (2 at the time) and I found her after thinking she just overslept n stay home from work .. We layed in the bed with her not knowing ... Didn't even realize she was gone until I was making breakfast for my disabled brother and I set off the fire alarm. Usually she would get up and say " hey hey hey who's burning down my house" but not this time so I stopped n turned off everything ... I went to the room n she was just laying there on her stomach her phone vibrating under her so I picked it up n she had 30 missed calls n 28 text my heart dropped I start hitting her ... Screaming punching everything my world is over ! I never had a father she was all I had .. Such a troubled teen n she never gave up on me she was my best friend she knew things about me not even my friends knew ,things nobody should know about their daughter but she never judged me n now she's gone. I'm so lost and empty it's been 10 months n this feeling of abandment and brokenness won't fade . I'm 23 years old and I take care of a 3 year old baby girl and my twin brothers ,21, but one is mentally and physically disabled ... I'm not the oldest child but I got left with all her responsibilities... No this is not the hard part in my life I love my family n without them I probably would of took my own life when i found my mother but my daughter keep me strong ... My only struggle is I need my mother I never went a day without her now u telling me I have to live my whole life without her ... She was fine she just went to sleep n that was it ... 49 years old ... I fear this stress will kill me early .... Nothing seems worth it anymore ... I'm empty , I'm mean , I'm broken into a million pieces , and I don't ever think I can b fixed ... I can't b left again...
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