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About Finch

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 04/02/1981

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Long Distance Friendship, Love and Soulmate
  • Date of Death
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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Recent Profile Visitors

588 profile views
  1. Sending hugs your way Autumn.
  2. Butch, I am very sorry
  3. 2nd Passover and 2nd Easter without Crystal. She loved me telling her about Passover and all the associated traditions. She loved doing Easter egg hunts with her kids. I find myself wondering how her family is coping over this weekend.
  4. thanks everyone. rough few days. Feeling alot of guilt and self-doubt today.
  5. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  6. Thank you heymialouise. It is very difficult to redirect my thoughts. Yes, she is at peace now and that sometimes gives me some comfort when I try and reason things. But I can't help but focus on what she might have been feeling in those last moments. Not knowing exactly how she was, as I wasn't there, is part of the problem. I'll keep trying. Thank you Marita. It's so tough. Kay, thank you for your concern. I'm ok now. There was a reason for the headaches. There was a bug going round the office that I caught. The headaches and dizzyness have subsided and now it's just a cough. But thanks for your wishes.
  7. I get it. I get the not being able to share the grief of the loved ones. And like feeling like you are a ghost. You don't exist to them. And the stolen future and unanswered questions. You have the connection you shared. That can't ever be taken away. It's intangible but it's real. It wasn't perfect, but it was real. We humans are not perfect, we make mistakes. If we could do things again we might do them differently. Everyone here. Look into your heart for what is real. Nothing can take what we had away. I wish Crystal's children knew her for longer. 6 and 10. It's just not right. I have no pictures with Crystal so I can relate to that. I have objects and letters and things. But we never touched, physically. But the connection we had otherwise had no equal.
  8. I have been unwell the last couple of days. This has involved a few rather fierce headaches. Every time I have one I break down and cry because I realise as much as it hurts, and it hurts alot, it's nothing to the pain that Crystal likely went through with the headaches she had towards the end. I just cannot bear her being afraid. That's the worst thing.
  9. How does one come to terms with or deal with the fact that their loved one suffered the physical pain of or leading up to dying? As far as I am aware, Crystal had a painful last few days due to the fast spread of the cancer. She was heavily sedated during this time which helped control it I think. Half the problem is, I'll never truly know how much pain she was or wasn't in because I wasn't there. But I find it immensely difficult to find any way to be at peace with what she may have gone through. Someone you love more than anything, someone you want to protect, having to go through that.
  10. Thanks for hosting this invaluable site, Marty, and the support you give everyone. Happy Birthday.
  11. 1 year and 1 month mark. Sigh.