Clematis

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About Clematis

  • Rank
    Laura

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Daughter
  • Date of Death
    01/13/2016
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Hospice Compassus Sedona, AZ

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Sedona, AZ
  • Interests
    Lena (my therapy cat), Playing music (cello, ukulele, classical guitar, etc.), Watercolors, Ceramics, Flowers-growing and painting them

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. I kind of like the idea of fishing, but not the part about actually catching, killing, cleaning and eating the fish. I like fish from the meat department. I like the idea of hanging out in a boat or on the shore messing around with fishing equipment, and the people who like fishing. I like them. I still am waiting to hear anything about the job. Actually I know a few things. They work on hiring teachers first and then the related services; Speech paths, OT's, PT's and School Psychs. I talked to Amy, the school psych I was covering for in the fall when she was on maternity leave and then backing her up since then. She is the one who is leaving - her position is the one I am applying for. She told me she told the Special Education director she really thinks he should hire me and how she suggests they divide the schools between me and the other School Psych. She also told me that she was told that I am the only applicant. That may change, but she said she thought it would be very strange if they did not hire me. But it could easily be the end of May before I have a contract in hand...
  2. Seems so...and Jack seems to be a spirit that has some sensitivity to having some of his things touched or used. It really seems like he showed up when I started carving with his knife, and has been kind of guiding me in my carving endeavor. After discovering the box of lures he carved, I suddenly out of the blue got this idea that I am going to carve fishing lures. I heard him and my dad talking about this last night while I was driving to orchestra rehearsal, like they are marveling over this. My dad: "...and she doesn't even fish". Jack: "Yeah, I know..." Me, thinking..."Why does it seem so important all of a sudden that I learn to carve fishing lures? OK, whatever. Sounds like fun..." I seem to have a pair of ...what-guardian angels? Guardian spirits? My dad and my mother's dad, watching over me and entertaining themselves. They really are kind of funny. I know that they had a lot of respect and affection for each other, but since I was only seven when Jack died, I don't remember much about him - like if they goofed around together like this when Jack was alive. I remember we were always really excited to see him, and all of the other grownups were always acting like he was fragile and we might break him if we got too close to him. My mother only told tales of him as a serious and sensitive intellectual, but I wonder what he was really like...and what he is like now. As long as I don't have to take up fishing...
  3. To be fair, I do have some spirit company. My dad seems to never be far from my side, and I am beginning to be aware of my grandfather Jack (mother's dad) around me. My mother idolized him, and he was a pretty amazing guy. He had multiple sclerosis, which mercifully never went beyond his legs. So he lived his adult life in a wheelchair, but had a full and active live, working as an optometrist, writing poetry, and engaging in fishing, photography, target shooting, and bird watching at the log cabin he had built on the Greenbriar River in WV. We spent all our summer vacations there. Jack died when I was seven and so I never got to know him well, but he was a principal figure of my childhood and youth because my mother talked about him so much. Anything about Jack or things that belonged to Jack were automatically precious. I've always been aware of his historical role, and I've had the impression (through my dad since his death) that my mother has been with her dad since she died. But since I started carving I seem to be a lot more aware of Jack's spirit around me. Maybe he's always been there, and maybe it's related to my carving with his knife. It's a funny thing and I don't know much about this. Maybe someone else does...
  4. I get the urge to call my dad all the time. It is so weird living here surrounded by his stuff and he's not here. I knew I'd miss him but had no idea how much. I know that he missed my mother terribly after she died, but he was never really alone. By the time she died, I was calling him every day of the world and talking to him for at least an hour a day. Then he moved out here and I saw him every day of the world, and talked to him several times a day as well. But there is no one here for me. Except Lena...
  5. It's a relief to know what will happen and not worry about when and how. But there is still a lot of stuff down there at his house that I will have to figure out what to do with. I also will finally have to say goodbye to my dad's house. He's not there, but it is still a safe place and a keeper of my memories. I miss him every day, and some days even more so. Sometimes I still wonder how I will survive without him, even though I obviously am doing so. There have been some things lately that have really given me a charge and made me happy and excited. And then it's over and I crash back to realizing that he's gone, along with my connection to my family history and the memories and people that filled it. I continue but I still feel lost and being alone seems too much. Maybe that's just how it is... I had no idea
  6. Thank you so much, Marty and Kay! I guess all I can do is wait, and do the best job I can with the work I still have with this district...That and get plenty of sleep and take care of business and myself. Tomorrow is another long drive out to the reservation... And you're right - my dad is still with me. I feel his confidence more than my own right now. Maybe he can go and put in a good word for me, since he's loose to wander about now. On another scene, I finally got word that the bank accepted the short-sale offer from my friend Greg's uncle. This is good news for everybody. Good for Greg's uncle - they accepted his original offer and not the higher he gave them a few months later - and he got this news on his birthday today. And a relief for me. There will be some finality to all this. Also, they set a closing date of June 5. That will give me plenty of time to finish getting my dad's and my stuff out and settled.
  7. Tonight I am worried. Maybe they really just don't like me, and would rather take a chance on a total unknown right out of school than me... I sure miss my dad. He always had my back and when I worried would tell me, "Well I think you're wonderful!" It would always make me feel better. I also knew that he would be there to pick up the pieces and help me out if I got into trouble.
  8. The school district has already contacted my references and heard back from two of them! And it's only been 24 hours since I turned in my online application...that seems good, huh?
  9. Thank you! In 2005, within a month of my mother's death I graduated with my second graduate degree and got a job as a school psychologist in Sedona. I announced to the world that I was going to stay in that position until I retired, but I had no idea the awful things that could happen to a person at work. I coaxed my dad out west in 2006 and all was well. Then my sociopathic boss managed to separate me from my job by eliminating it - to contract out the work. I thought my life was over - I was a long ways from retirement age, the real estate market tanked, and here I was with my dad out here. What was I to do - sell my house at such a loss that I'd lose my life savings, move to Phoenix and desert my dad? I remember lying on the floor hoping I would just stop breathing and die. My dad promised me that he was not going to let the bottom fall out from under me but I was sure I was in free fall. I wasn't sure I could trust him, but I had no choice. I think he really didn't know when he moved out west if he could trust me as he aged with Parkinson's, but he knew my sisters well enough to know he really didn't have a choice. So he took his chances and came out west, calling it his last big adventure. So here we found ourselves, leaning on each other over the next years as he declined and I struggled to do the best I could getting contract work and anything I could find. As it turned out, he couldn't have had a more devoted or loyal daughter, and he totally had my back. He carried me financially when I didn't earn enough to make it, and he never complained about having to help me financially. He used to say to me, "I bet you never thought I'd be such a burden on you". I always told him that he was no burden and if he was, it was one I had gladly chosen and the best thing I had done in my life. We had become the best of friends. When he died, I was in a car accident, and I lost most of my work - all in 2016, I never felt as panicked as I did in 2009, but the uncertainty has been palpable and I wonder what will become of me, driving those killer long hours, wondering every year if I will have enough work the next year to live on, and so on. Lena and I have always been warm, dry, and fed - with a roof over our heads and flowers in the yard, but it has certainly seemed rather dicey. It would be such a blessed relief to be back in a permanent salaried position, back in the state retirement system, paying into social security and getting health benefits, working from one year into the next and knowing that my work was ensuring my future ability to retire with a roof over my head...
  10. Thanks! I got a job once- actually twice - due to writing a thank-you letter for a job interview, as my father had taught me. He told me that it was an easy way to get head and shoulders above other applicants because hardly anyone ever does it. You can also throw in anything you forgot in the interview or underscore something if you want to. I talked to the SpEd coordinator, who is kind of the right hand to the SpEd director, who ultimately makes the decision. I told her that I had put in my application last night. She said that the director had asked her something about this yesterday - like he asked her if she knew if I was applying. She said she'd be sure to let him know. This seems good - that he is interested in my applying. Also, as it happens, there are several situations at once right now that are kind of sticky wickets, in which he is getting involved because they are high profile or whatever. One of these meetings was today and had a brief word about another that is tomorrow. These are good opportunities to make a good impression about my knowledge of the law, my field, education, psychological evaluation data, and how it all fits together in a pressured situation. I think he was impressed with how I did today and that he feels confident about the one that is tomorrow. This seems good...
  11. Thank you Kay! I did manage to get a cover letter together and had a fellow school psychologist look at it. It was pretty basic, but I think that was ok because the online application process had a lot of other information on it Nevertheless, it's always good to see how other people write stuff and get ideas. I sure hope I get this job. I have a lot to offer them, and I think I have a good chance. It's very exciting. It would get me back into the state retirement system, real health insurance, contributing to social security and all of that. I would also be part of the district rather than an outsider, and since it's a good district,, that would be great. And I would be driving less than a half hour to work!
  12. Thanks! You never know who you may be up against - or who may take a dislike to you, but it seems like I have a good chance. I have worked there as a contract person for the past year - so they know me. Also, I have a stellar resume with 13 years in the field of School Psychology and 21 years in the field of Social Work, in probation, prison, schools, agencies, home health, and private practice. These small towns have a hard time getting professionals, and positions sometimes are not filled at all. The job requirements call for a person to have one year of experience, which could be an internship year. The person I would be replacing began as an intern, and so did her predecessor. So they might be ecstatic to have someone with my background. And they say they like to hire from within... One day in the fall I was chatting with the special ed director and the special ed coordinator and my work history was mentioned. He quizzed me about it and seemed really floored that someone with my background was living 25 minutes away, relatively at loose odds, willing to do part time contract work. Then he asked me for my resume and stashed it in his desk. Seems like a good sign, huh?
  13. Thanks! I'm so glad you like my work. About earning a living, check out my post above this one and cross your fingers for me, ok?
  14. The school district where I have been working, doing contract work - 25 minutes from my house - has an opening for a school psychologist for next school year! A real job! I am excited and terrified. I need to apply online. The first step is a cover letter. I don't even remember how to write one...how long, what to say, what not to say, what kind of tone. I just don't even know. I love this school district, and have told everyone there so, at every turn, all school year. They have been very good to me, people have been very kind, and I have tried to hard to do my best in every way. But it was a hard year. I lost my dad and then was in that car accident. I was so unfocused when I started there in the fall and got behind on my paperwork. But I worked really hard and eventually got caught up. Amy, the lead psychologist, has told me at every turn how much she has appreciated me helping them out this year. The special ed director has always been friendly to me and always seems very happy to see me, especially since he heard about my professional background and asked for my resume in the fall... There are two school psychs there and one of them, Amy and J, whom I barely know. So one of them is leaving, but I don't know which one. Amy had a baby at summer's end and I was initially covering for her while she was on maternity leave. Then I have been her backup when she came back. Now I am doing more back up because she was out of town because her dad was very ill and then he died a few days ago. I certainly don't want to bug her...I just sent her a short sympathy text and said that I would do anything to cover for her and help out at work.
  15. Yay. It's 9:15 and I finally stopped working. On the day that is supposedly my day off. Good thing I only have a few weeks of this total insanity before things calm down to something more doable. Meanwhile, there is this... http://www.theblueguitarmagazine.org/resources/Blue+Guitar+Spring+2017_ENJOY.pdf My work is on pp 14-18 And my little wood carvings and ceramic cats...