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About Clematis

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Hospice Compassus Sedona, AZ

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  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
    Sedona, AZ
  • Interests
    Lena (my therapy cat), Playing music (cello, ukulele, classical guitar, etc.), Watercolors, Ceramics, Flowers-growing and painting them

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  1. My father's ashes

    I went through the checkbook I have been using to pay his expenses and my recollections of everything else and put this all in a spreadsheet, which I emailed to both of them. Since S has a broken computer and cannot access Excel, I also printed it out, took a photo with my cell phone and texted that to both of them as well, with an explanation that if they want an exact detailed accounting it is going to take some time - hint-a LONG time - because basically I don't want to do it and don't really have the time. I would have kept more careful records all along had I not had a head injury, but I did. It's just the reality that the person handling the estate had a head injury and marginal functioning for a long time. Anyway, they both agreed to just accept that and keep things moving along. This is sort of a compromise - and one that is reasonable for everyone. They get some information, S can get her check right away, and I am released from my responsibilities on this. Big relief.
  2. My father's ashes

    I think maybe what I should do is create a spreadsheet with estimates that are fairly close to give them an idea of where the money went and tell them that if they need exact numbers to the penny I can do that but it will take awhile... I really want to be done with this, and probably they do as well
  3. My father's ashes

    So...one sister, S, wants the money ASAP - like overnight mailing of docs - and the other sister, D, wants an accounting of exactly where the money went. She said that she is "just curious". That is their legal right, but it would take me some time to pull that together. I was keeping careful track of that before I had a car accident and a head injury, but after that I just did what I had to do and tried to survive. I told D to talk to S. We'll see how D's "curiosity" balances out with her concern for her sisters. S is really in a jam and D is comfortable financially with her new husband. She wanted to know if I couldn't just write S a check and settle it later. The attorney advised me against this sort of thing a long time ago, telling me that it was really in my best interest to leave enough money intact so that everyone would just agree so that they could get their money rather than nitpicking in a way that causes a significant delay. I feel like my head is going to explode.
  4. My father's ashes

    I have started my new job and all is well, but I miss my dad every day. Nevertheless, I carry him with me. I hear his comments as I go about my day and I know that he is proud of me - that after all I went through I ended up with this great job and am back in the retirement system, with good health insurance, and all that. I have taken to wearing his pocket watch that belonged to his father and was given to my dad as a college graduation gift. I wear it on a beautiful gold chain as a necklace. I think he would like that. I have also been driving his old Mercury Grand Marquis much more than my Corolla; it's like having him drive me to work while we both lounge on the sofa. Today I found out the brakes need a repair that is about $1000, and his commend was, "You have to fix the brakes...you'll figure out where to find the money". I am getting close to getting his estate closed and settled. That means paying the final bills, running it past my sisters and hoping they don't make waves, and all that. For some reason I feel suddenly filled with anxiety and grief - more than before. Maybe that makes sense; I don't know. Lena has been extra sweet and companionable. I sure love that cat...I don't know how I would have gotten through any of this without her.
  5. My father's ashes

    'Tis true! Well, Lena has good coverage and so will I starting at the beginning of September. Yay!
  6. My father's ashes

    Thanks! I sure hope it stays gone. The insurance company paid for her bloodwork, and right away. She has well care and accident/illness coverage...the two together are about $48 a month. There is a deductible-I don't remember what it is-not astronomical...
  7. My father's ashes

    I got the results of the biopsy back from the vet and the "mass" that was removed from her ear was a mast cell tumor. The vet told me that this was probably a "best-case-scenario" for bad news, because this type of tumor is very unlikely to metastasize. She consulted with a veterinary oncologist after talking to the pathologist in the lab. The pathologist said that there were a few cells that went all the way to the edge of the sample, but since the vet cauterized the surgery would rather than suturing it, it is most likely that any cells that might have remained would have been killed by the cauterizing. The recommendation of the vet and oncologist is to to three month checkups for awhile to make sure it stays gone. They believe that this is a safe course because the location of the tumor is so visible, any regrowth would be immediately obvious. If they went the more aggressive route, that would mean another surgery right away that would remove a more obvious piece of her ear and probably be unnecessary. My friend Paula, who retired recently as a vet after many years of experience said, "I totally agree". I am hoping for the best, and am very glad I decided to purchase health insurance for Lena in March. I have made remarks about how odd it seems that Lena has better health insurance than I do, but as it turns out, this is good because she is the one who needs it right now!
  8. My father's ashes

    So, the vet's office said it would be best to wait to remove the cone collar until the scab fell off, but didn't say how long that might be. I asked my retired vet friend Paula and she said two weeks. Wow-that's a lot longer than 3-5 days! I looked online and found tons of stories from people who removed the cone too soon and kitty pulled out the stitches and/or scratched the surgery site, which resulted in a nasty infection. Paula said, "I saw this happen all the time. Needless repeat surgeries and more $$$" So on it stays... Meanwhile we wait for the results of the biopsy and I am trying to not think about the possibility that the mass that was removed would be malignant. The vet doesn't think it is, but it will be good to know for sure...
  9. My father's ashes

    During the filming of Lena's movie, I was asked frequently how I had trained her. I realized that without realizing it, the first "trick" she learned was to be photogenic. I would say "tuna" and "chicken" over and over while preparing or serving these foods and as she learned to associate the word sounds with her favorite foods, she would look straight at me. So when I take a picture of her I get everything ready, say "chicken" and get a great shot of her. I went from hit-or-miss photos to getting great shots most of the time with only that...
  10. Rainbow Bridge

    Anne, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dog Wrigs. That is very sad. The photos are wonderful - thanks for sharing them with us.
  11. Awww...I am so sorry to hear about your husband and now your cats. That is really hard. My cat has been been such a help since losing my dad, who was my best friend. We were a little family, my dad, me and Lena. And now it's just me and Lena. I know what you mean by the waves. I just returned from traveling to PA to bury his ashes. The trip went well and my sisters were reasonable humans, which was a big relief. But then I returned home and the shuttle drove into the spectacular beauty of Sedona that is my home, but it all seemed hollow as it hit me that it is Sedona-without-my-dad. And the crushing feeling that I couldn't breathe returned. Not for good and not all the time and not as bad as it was in the beginning. But it's not over either.
  12. My father's ashes

    I called and asked the vet's office how this decision was to made and by whom. They said that if Lena showed signs of wanting to scratch at it, it was too soon because not enough time has passed for it to heal and she could infect it. You can even see from this photo that she is holding the one ear back. It also twitches frequently...because it itches, I guess. Anyway, she is coping with it a little better. She can walk around and get on and off a chair. But usually she asks me to pick her up, bring her food bowl to her, and so on. And she is still sleeping most of the time. Isn't she adorable? Even with the cone...
  13. Lost my Dad 3 weeks ago

    Hi Kitty, I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your dad. My dad died a year and a half ago and I miss him every day - I probably always will. There is no good age to lose a parent, or any loved one, when you are close. If you lose them when you are young, that is hard, but when you lose them when you're older that's hard too because you lose the dad of your childhood, the dad of your youth, the dad of your middle age that you were close with on more of an even level, and so on. It's always hard and you can't compare it to other's losses. As to the counseling, I think it comes down to whether it's a good match more than anything. I have been on both sides of this one. Ages ago I worked for a company that had phone counseling as a benefit. The woman I was matched with was very good for me. Now I work as a counselor, and I have counseled people on the phone - mostly people that I had worked with in person and I had moved or the distance was just too great to travel sometimes in a rural setting. I have two friends who do counseling on the phone as well as in person, and their experience is the same as mine. After initial apprehension and skepticism, they decided that it was effective. Good luck, and remember to take things at your own pace...
  14. My father's ashes

    Lena is getting better. She is alert and her eyes are no longer over-dilated. Tonight while I was cooking dinner she did one of her little stunts to get my attention - "stealing" my chair when I got out of it. She is walking around some, but is really struggling with the cone. She will freeze and stay in place when the cone runs into something. She has trouble getting food and water out of a small bowl. And she has trouble figuring out which way to turn her head to see something since the sides are blocked. I think this is partly due to how much I have helped her.-I think she hasn't had to figure it out. When she runs into something, I run over and steer her straight, and sometimes pick her up and carry her to where she seems to want to go. And when she eats I sit in front of her with a tiny bowl inside the cone, maneuvering it around so that she can reach every bite easily. It would be a disservice if she was adjusting to something permanent, but since it's so temporary, why not help her? Hopefully she will get it off tomorrow. The vet said 3-5 days. I wonder who decides...Lena?
  15. My father's ashes

    She is very sleepy and disinclined towards struggling around with the collar, which frustrates her. I have been carrying her around to wherever I think she'd like to go. Last night she slept with me in the bed under the covers all night, which was very sweet but she never does that. Much of the night she slept with her head on the pillow facing me so that our faces were both in the cone, breathing each others' breath. When I finally got up, she complained but got stood up herself as well but walked to the edge of the bed and stared at the floor with a meow. I placed her on the floor and she stood there with her head down staring at the rug. So I carried her to the back door, where she could doze in the sun. She hasn't moved; I served her breakfast there in a tiny bowl that fits into the cone. She was very hungry and ate it right up, and went back to sleep. It seems odd that she is sleeping SO much and she sleeps much more soundly than usual. I have read that almost every creature - except us - sleeps with "one eye open", or half of their brain awake, so they can keep alert to possible danger. This morning she was sleeping so soundly I could not hear or feel her breathing, even though her face was less than an inch from mine. Then I stroked her a little and rubbed her under the collar and her sleeping went back to normal, with audible breath sounds. I suppose cats have sleep cycles, too. I did talk to the veterinary assistant late yesterday afternoon and she said that seems fine - that it is normal for a cat to spend a few days recovering from anesthesia. I have also been in contact with my friend Paula, a retired vet. She retired early for health reasons and is now selling real estate but stays current with the veterinary field. I sent Paula a detailed text this morning, along with pictures, asking her if this was normal. Paula's answer - "Absolutely" So I guess she's ok. She is just sleeping a lot and seems to be most comfortable being very close to me. So I'll just stick by her...