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About Widowedbysuicide

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
    january 5/16
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

Profile Information

  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
    Vancouver Island, BC. Canada
  • Interests
    Animals, fabrics, sewing and quilting.
  1. You are a great brother George 😀
  2. Hugs to you. 💓 Do look after yourself.
  3. Thank you for sharing that beautiful picture and for the joyous news Praying for happier days to come. Hugs to you Butch.
  4. I'm not pointing fingers: I said we because at times we all day and do things that may hurt others. I may have done so myself and I honestly apologize for poor behavior. @Marg M you are not the reason I made my post. I'm really sorry you felt that it was you. I have absolutely no desire to cause anyone any pain. I see that you are very quick to take responsibility for things that you feel you have done and I don't want you to feel singled out - that would be disrespectful and mean on my part. I'm sorry you felt the way you did. We each are entitled to our options and all I'm asking is that we treat each other as we would want to be treated. We all need a little kindness.
  5. I think most people mean well in the comments and suggestions here. But personally I think Finch is in alot of pain and not all of what a being said is done so in a gentle way. Perhaps we could take a moment to review our comments and ask ourselves if the responses would be hurtful if directed at ourselves. I am not comfortable with this thread in that as a person who is grieving and questioning everything in my life I find some things very insensitive. Please, let's be kinder towards each other. If we are hurting someone who is fragile and sensitive by way the presentation of information/opinion and not by the actual meaning of the comment does that make us any less a bully? I just think we are here out of need for something to hang onto and some kindness is owed to Finch. Just as it is owed to each one of us when words have been hard. Take my post for what it is. If we can not be respected equally then we are not the people who I hoped/believed we were/are. Marita
  6. money

    I think what hurts the most is that it's FAMILY that does this. Strangers seem to be so much more patient and giving at these devastating times. Sorry for your heartbreak @JaseScott. I do hope that things will improve soon. @Nightwinds I'm going through a financial sh_t storm with family and am on the losing end. All the loss since his passing has been awful. I wish I had your grace. Hugs 💓 to you.
  7. How are you Finch? I've been missing you here. Like Kay, I'm inquisitive. I would want to see anything. As for a change in my perception I don't know. I hope whatever you decide works out well for everyone.
  8. My thoughts are with your family. An extra prayer will not hurt. Hugs 💓
  9. I FEEL FOR YOU Gwen. Losing our loved ones is so damaging and difficult in itself, but adding health issues to our grief is like a slow painful death. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for most of my life but since my husband's death it has been so much worse. Trying to find things to look forward to has been impossible. Each day is a one foot in front of the other day but I keep plodding along. At nearly 16 month I'm exhausted dealing with making decisions about finances, I should say the lack of, and problems with my home and property. I continue to have trouble with what family there is and with people that I thought were friends. I've had so much loss since January 5, 2016 that it is overwhelming for me. Financially my husband had not worked for a year and we had started a small home based business so money was scarce. Mostly I don't know if I'm coming or going. I know some people would be able to walk through my troubles and grief with grace and a brighter spirit and that knowledge makes me feel worse. We are all individuals who manage/deal with things in different ways but FOR ME THIS LIFE IS TOO HARD! I often feel like there are far more reasons to give up than to keep going... But, every once in awhile something happens that resets my mental status. Those momentary glimmers are often seeing joy in the eyes of other people; particularly in children and the elderly. I'm hanging on to those glimmers. When I'm feeling done I think of the look in their eyes. I want to see that when I look in a mirror. I really hope that you will find something that gives you that glimmer. That tiny moment gives me the desire to keep looking for more glimmers and I wish that for you too.
  10. Happy Birthday George. Your post is just what many of us need. Very realistic and and encouraging. Thanks for that. Marita
  11. Thank you for your kind words @Eagle-96. I hope your cousin has been able to work past the self blaming aspect of being a suicide survivor. Between guilt and wondering 'why' it isn't a smooth journey. Yes, all of us here are facing a mighty struggle. I sure don't wish this on anyone. I am so thankful for being able to come here to get help for myself and I want to return that help and support each one who is suffering. Physically I can't do anything to actually be helpful. I hope I can give some bit of wisdom or comfort to those here. Loss by any means is painful and I agree that the journeys must not be compared. On the days that my sorrows are better I can try to empathize with those whose days are filled with difficulty and sadness. Praying for moments of comfort for each of us today and always. 💓 Hugs too. I really miss his hugs 😧
  12. I'm sorry to hear of so much sadness and suffering. I feel bad for myself but I do feel fortunate that my sorrows are less complicated than those of you here. Prayers and hugs to all. 💓
  13. Please do look after yourself. Kay is right about the mask. 💓
  14. Hi @Nightwinds, I'm sorry you have had so much loss. It is overwhelming to lose fur family so close in time to human family. It seems to compound the loss exponentially. Having so much change in a short period of time is something I have trouble with. I'm so glad you have puppy time 😀, lucky for puppy too. A tiny bit of joy is a blessing to hold on to. When my husband died I was sure that life couldn't get much worse, I jinxed myself. It was a devastating time for me and I really didn't know if I was coming or going. I hear that is how our mind protects us. Within days of him passing his cat passed too. She was elderly but it wasn't expected. I think she just needed to join him in heaven. She used to ride on the hood of the tractor when he was moving dirt and manure piles. She loved to sit with him on the lawn swing... Good remeberances. That was in January 2016. In September of '16 I had to have one of my horses put down. It killed me to have to do it but that was the best option for him as I did not want him suffering. Attending to the details alone was awful. He is resting in a quiet spot out back. Seeing his saddle and the carriage are still difficult things. I have lost two barn cats and found a couple of dead stray cats since then. More grief piling up to the point that I don't know how much more I can take. I was hoping to end the year without more loss but that wasn't to be as I lost another horse in his sleep. My husband's mother also passed before the new year. I can honestly say I was glad to see 2017. My mini poodle has fathered two litters of puppies, since January, and I was there to help with the whelping. New life is so positive. I've also helped with the whelping of three other litters of puppies and house sat there. Love the smell and innocence of the tiny beings. Next week there is a litter of medium sized Golden Doodles due. These are my dog's Grandpuppies. That is some of the positive for me. New life and meeting new people. We all need something to look forward to that brings positivity into our lives. Bless you. And hugs to you too. 💓