VickyThompson

Thank you both, I appreciate your comments very much. I have seen a few different grief counselors and they did help me for a time and it's nice to know that there are people out there who care.

My mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was 9 and she died when I was 14. It was December 4th, 2008, on a Thursday... The wake was that following Sunday and we were at the funeral home from 9AM to 9PM so it was a long day. My mom wanted to be cremated so her urn was on a table with flowers and candles. There were two adjoining rooms to the room with her in it and we stayed there all day while people came in and out giving their condolences. The wake was weird to me because I don't remember being with anyone... I just remember being alone... I had lost everything... I remember one anniversary of my moms death in particular when I still lived with my Dad. I was alone that day and I just cried all day long and decorated the house for Christmas like my mom used to when I was young. Every year holidays are hard and I remember a life that seems so far away... all the comforts of a mother that I've been without for so long... Anyway, so that's the uber short versions of my story... right now I am 22 and married and this December it will be 8 years since my mom died and I'm writing this post because mother's day just past and it was very hard on me this year. I had to work and I work retail and all day moms and their daughters came in and out and it's just a reminder of what I don't have. My Dad finally put my mom's urn into a mausoleum a couple months ago and I haven't been to see her yet because I'm nervous. I think it taking so long for my mom to be in a graveyard has made it exceptionally difficult for me to deal with the grief I still feel. Every day since mother's day I've told myself I'll go see her for the first time but I still haven't. My husband wants me to be happy that my mom is in heaven and I am but sometimes I still think what about me? I'm still without her... shes not here with me... there are so many things she's missed and I'll never get to know her and an adult. I had to grow through my teenage years alone and it's hard to be happy for others and their childhoods when all I can remember about mine is pain and loneliness. I miss my mom everyday and sometimes I still can't sleep because all I can do is think about it... sometimes it's hard to be happy when she's not here to talk to, or spend time with, or get to know...