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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

barb8571

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  • Posts

    3
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About barb8571

  • Birthday April 11

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    daughter
  • Date of Death
    jan 15, 2016
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    N/A

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Vancouver, Canada
  • Interests
    Hiking, walking, astrology.. Would love to get a pet but apt doesn't allow them. Will get one when feel able to move.
  1. I lost my Mom in January, and my Dad 3 years ago. It's just me now, no siblings, and I inherited the house in which my parents lived and in which I grew up in. I visited my mom and that house every week for my whole life...I'm 54 now. I'm now faced with selling it. I have to for financial reasons, and I'm very very grateful that they left me the house, but I'm having an awful time trying to sell it. I tried to list it a month ago and I had such panic I had to stop the listing. I'm having intense anxiety and shaking and other stuff constantly too, as I wrote in my post under bereavement behavious, so this is just adding to all that. It's the physical symptoms that get \me....it messed up my breathing for a couple of weeks so it was difficult to get in a deep breath. I find that longer I wait the harder it is. I tried to list it today, but couldn't pull the trigger. This is sooo hard! Even the thought of a for sale sign in the yard is beyond sad and scary and overwhelming. This feels like the hardest thing I've ever done. Even Mom's memorial was easier than this!. I went to the house yesterday and did a little ritual and thanked the house for all its love and protection and let it go as best I could, and did a blessing for the new family that will be coming in to live in the space and then planted a beautiful pink begonia in honour of the new energy coming in. I thought that would help. Nope. Maybe I just have to realize that its going to be a traumatic thing and I'll feel panicy and it'll be difficult to get in deep breaths for a while and just do it anyway. Yikes!~
  2. Hi Kayc. I'd love to hear more about your anxiety and how you got through it. I checked to see your posts but there are a lot of them. :-) Could you link me to some of your earlier posts where you talked about your anxiety experiences?
  3. This is my first post and I just wanted to share my experience so far. My mom passed on Jan 15, 2016 and I am an only child with no husband or kids. My Dad passed 3 years ago, so feel very alone and like an orphan. Mom and I were best friends and partners - two peas in a pod. We talked for 2 hours on the phone everyday. I was actually quite calm for about 6 weeks afterwards. Survival. Then the anxiety started to happen in March. It was just emotional at first, but then it got physical. It's like being stuck in fight or flight, with constant racing heart, shaking all the time, and nervous system on overdrive. ALL the TIME. I would get an hour or so of feeling calmer just before bed. Mornings were the worst...always woke up shaking and freaked out. I started seeing a grief counselor as well as a specialized kinesiologist and have found some small measure of relief in time. I learned that its the inner child that is so afraid and freaked out. The inner child, or that young part of ourselves, no longer feels safe in the world and feels unsupported and scared and isolated and disconnected. That part is the part that needs to slowly learn how to trust again - to trust that we can make it on our own without our parent. Our adult selves know perfectly well that we can, but its not the adult that's panicing. It's the young scared child part that's running the show. My grief counselor said that many many people experience grief as anxiety or panic, so this is normal! I go inside and talk to my inner child every single day and tell her that she is ok, and that I am here to love her and protect her and that I will never leave her. visualizations. Through experimentation I found that when I spent time with my beloved Aunty that I would start to calm down a bit. It showed me that connection was a big key for me....and that this grief and anxiety had a huge component of loneliness and isolation and feeling unsupported. If I spend time with people I didn't feel completely safe with, it got worse. At this point, 4 months later, its finally starting to feel a bit better. I'm no longer shaking all the time, just when the fear gets intense or I get over-stimulated. Its just adrenalin, but its still a very scary symptom which makes us feel more fearful. My heart still goes fast a lot, and there are palpitations sometimes too. It's all heartbreak stuff 'Ive learned, and this is normal. The fear and feelings of loneliness and isolation are still very real, but I do know what the fear is about. I still get scared that this fear will never go away, and that I'll be stuck in this hell forever, but I know that's not true. Its just time. And finding a new normal. I don't have a best friend to lean on - my mom was my best friend. i don't actually have many friends because I was such a loner and mom and I did everything together, which is what is making this even lonelier. I do feel alone in this, which is why i love reading other people's experiences on this site. I also found that my lower back became extremely sore and tight so I can;t even do my walking anymore. Lower back is all about emotional support, so it stands to reason it would react. I don't do well with drugs so I take Valerian which helps a little bit, and I take half of a Gravol pill before night to help me sleep. It works quite well actually. I also wanted to say that Specialized Kinesiology is very helpful. Some call it Psych K. Its when they balance the hemispheres of the brain and do brain body integration and it helps to keep things more balanced. Lots of naturopaths do it, or anybody who does energy medicine tends to do it Just thought I'd mention it as i know it has helped me. Because this is such a physical experience for me I'm not able or ready to join any groups or meet new friends. That will come in time as I get more physically stable. I can now spend time with my aunty and my cousin though and I seem to do ok. This is pretty good, cause a month ago I could barely even leave the apt! So, there is hope. And it will continue to get better. i just wanted to share my story in case any one else had constant intense anxiety. i love to read other;s experiences of how they coped and how they came back to feeling joy again.
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