I'm just wondering why I can't seem to cry.
I've experienced the roughest 6 months of my life. My father whom I lived with died in December from a heart attack, which I witnessed. I still live here, with my step-mother because this is my home.
But this past week I got the news that my mother who was suffering from years of anxiety/depression & other sorts of mental illness, killed herself. She initally raised me, but about 8 years ago, something ticked in her head and she was ever the same.
All this has happend in such a short span in my young life, I'm only 17.
I feel so angry that I've been unable to cry, for both deaths. I think im numb to the feeling of loss. But I know crying is an important part to the grieving process...& The only time I even shed a little tear is when friends and family assure me that I still have them in my life.
I was just moving on from my father, & the constant anxiety was starting to go away, & I was begining to enjoy my days...channeling all that stress into physical activities, such as running. Then my mom happened.
& I'm back to that initial state of stress/being anxious (which was never an issue till after these deaths) & still wondering why I can't cry.
People say its because I "bottle up my feelings" but thats not true, I've had some of the deepest conversations with my step-mother in the past 6 months, it honestly kind of angers me when they say that.
Like oh when someone dies, you must cry. But those people have not experienced the amount of loss I havs in the last 6 months.
The loved ones around me feel so bad for me, & I see tears in their eyes, but none come from mine.
So I ask again why can't I cry?
Thanks for reading,
17 yr old, son
