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LilyPad27

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Grand-daughter
  • Date of Death
    NA
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    USA

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  1. I'm so, so, sorry for your loss. ALS is truly a terrible disease. My grandfather had a friend who died from it. What happened was not your fault at all, and hindsight is 20/20. You didn't put anyone in that situation. I know you said you had a bad feeling, but I believe if you had known the exact extent of what was going to happen then you would not have gone on the trip. A feeling isn't the same thing as knowing 100% that your mother would pass and your daughter would have to administer CPR. It's not your fault. It's a terrible tragedy, and my heart breaks for you and your family. Please don't blame yourself. Again, I am so sorry to hear about what happened.
  2. KayC - He looks so proud!!! <3 It is truly a lovely picture. I attached a picture of my grandmother. From left to right: My grandma, a first cousin, my great-aunt, my great-grandma/their mother. The first cousin in the picture is the only one still alive. My great-grandma died back in 2000. This picture was taken at a wedding in 1991. I'm having a rough time of it today. I just keep crying on and off. I miss her so much. I used to call her just to talk all the time. There is so much stuff that has happened that I wish I could tell her about. I've also been having dreams about her lately where she calls us or shows up at the house and says she survived the fire, and was just in the hospital this whole time. They are incredibly vivid. In the phone call dream her voice sounded exactly the same. In the dream where she showed up at the house, she had moved into our downstairs bedroom and was crying because my great-aunt didn't make it out of the fire. It's upsetting. I also dreamed that I was in the car with her riding to Publix, and my (deceased) cat was in my lap. My grandma wanted to know why I brought my cat, and I told her because I could tell my cat would die soon. I think my cat was in the dream because the last 6 months or so of her life, she had to live with my grandma because my little brother suddenly developed a severe allergy. Also, my grandma was the one who bought the cat for me, and my cat always loved her. My cat died a year or so ago. This was the only dream that didn't upset me when I woke up. I think because it had nothing to do with the fire. I've also been feeling angry but I have nobody to be angry at / nowhere to direct any anger. I just feel like what happened was so unfair. I have so many questions about what exactly happened that night, and nobody really has any answers to those questions except for my grandma and great-aunt. It's like there is no closure. They were just ripped away, and I am gutted.
  3. This broke my heart. I don't have any good advice, but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. You definitely don't deserve to be treated that way - let alone at a time like this. If you wanted a child, and things don't work out with your husband, perhaps you could look into artificial insemination? I have an acquaintance who is single, and she decided to do that before she lost her opportunity to have children. She also experienced a lot of grief. Both of her parents died when she was younger, and her main family member left was her grandmother. Her grandmother died, and then she decided to go through with the artificial insemination. She always wanted a family most of all. I think she will probably find a good husband one day, and now she has a daughter until then. I think she was pretty brave for doing that, and she absolutely adores her daughter. I don't know how expensive artificial insemination is though, or if it is something you would even want to do, but it is a thought that occurred to me. I hope that you are able to find some solace.
  4. Enna - Thank you for the kind words. This whole thing has felt like a nightmare. Kayc - Thank you. I am also sorry about the loss of your husband. I don't know if that is your husband in the picture with you, but he looks like a sweet man. I think when we are young we don't really realize the gravity of how many losses we will have in our life. We know it is inevitable but don't really understand until it starts happening. MartyT - Thank you for the links, and for your condolences. Clematis - I'm so sorry about the loss of your dad. I agree that however it happens it is bad. In my case, it was just so sudden and also it's just so ghastly. I think in your case (although I haven't experienced something like that), dreading that they are going to die also makes it worse. It's hard, either way. That is also so awful about your friend's parents. How awful to lose both of them at once. Thank you for the sweet reply. Seachelle - Thank you. I never knew about the fluctuation between numbness and sadness until this. Best wishes to you too.
  5. I am 25, and I recently lost my grandma and great-aunt in a house fire. They died of smoke inhalation. The firemen found my great-aunt on the front steps, and my grandma lying just a few feet from the front door. I was talking to my grandma on the phone that night maybe an hour before the fire happened. It was a normal conversation, and then I got a Facebook message from a family friend that her mother had died (I used to sit with her mom some as her mom was sick) and asking me to come over. I told my grandma that I had to go, and then we got off the phone. I could never have imagined that I would never speak to her again. While I was at my family friend's house, and we were waiting on the coroner, my step-dad came over and said that my grandma and my great-aunt's house had burned down, and that they were at the hospital but the hospital wasn't releasing their condition. He told me to go home and my get my mom and the boys, as he was heading straight down. While I was getting my mom, he called and told us that they had both died. It's so awful. I was really close to my grandmother. My mom and I lived with her from the time I was born until I was about 11 or so. Then my mom married my step-dad, and my grandma moved in with my great-aunt. We then lived in a house where our backyard lined up with their backyard. We moved from that house about 2 years ago, but I would still do my grandma's grocery shopping, take her to Dr.'s appointments, and also go to her house in-between classes if I had a long break since she lived close to my school. I just can't believe that this happened. It was on the news, and I can't believe that it was really them that this happened to. It's just such an awful way to die. I also don't understand why they couldn't make it out of the house in time. They were so close to getting out. They didn't have any mobility issues although the news reported that that was why they couldn't make it out. My grandma wasn't even 70 yet. It's horrible. People always say clichés like "Here Today - Gone Tomorrow" and while you know they are true, you just don't realize how true it is until something like this happens. I was talking to her one minute, and then she was gone the next. We used to go over to my great-aunt's every Christmas when I was a kid, and I just keep thinking about all those times and we never knew what was going to end up happening there, and how awful it would be. My poor grandma and great-aunt. I keep going from feeling completely devastated to feeling numb like it didn't really happen. When we first got the news, it was unbearable agony and I felt like I would never be happy again. Thankfully, it's not quite as bad as that now. I just don't know that I will ever be over this though. I feel like they are just going to show back up at any time and my grandma will tell us all about what happened. Logically, I know that's not true though. I just wish I got the chance to tell her how much I loved her before it happened. One of the worst parts, is that nothing will ever change what happened. Has anybody ever experienced anything similar?
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