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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Rothe

Members
  • Posts

    3
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    CA
  • Date of Death
    June 29
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Japan
  1. Oh, Dean.... I understand completely. My happy desire to have a bird turned into a complete nightmare.... When I wasn't home, my boyfriend let my 10 month old cockatiel out of the cage. She was so feisty, and didn't like going back in, and as he tried to catch her, she flew into the wall between shelves and got caught... She died before I could get home. 4 1/2 years after that, my Java finch died suddenly of an illness, and I feel like I may have given her the medicine wrong, facilitating it... I blame myself because the circumstances give me nothing else, she just passed so suddenly. The 4 months later, just this last Friday, my new 3 month old Java sparrow got under my foot when I was turning around... I pulled back, lost my balance and fell, and he dived straight under me. He did not survive. My point is.... I never realized how easy it is to have accidents like that. Losing 3 birds in tragic ways has now made me terrified to even think of trying to get another one. You aren't a bad person... You didn't hurt your friend willingly. There's only so much careful you can be.... And I'm sure you were. It's just such an awful thing that they don't understand what is dangerous because we protect them from most of it... Like my little guy, who just didn't understand that feet are not friends. It's even worse that your friend was so young, and I understand it completely. It's heart shaking and gut wrenching... I don't even kill mosquitos when they're biting me, so I understand your horror at having caused a death. Please remember... You didn't kill your cat. You didn't "do it". It happened. I am trying to remember this as well. If you feel not getting another animal is the way to handle the situation, then you are right. It's time for another animal when you can forgive yourself and know that the next animal will willingly give you another chance, and never judge you. I hope you can find the love in yourself again.
  2. Thank you so much for replying to me. I'm so sorry about your friend... You're right- our animals become precious to us in such a unique way. I hope you are surrounded by those who love and support you during this time- you deserve it.
  3. ...hello. Please... Help me. At the end of May, I lost my 4 1/2 year old Java Sparrow, Patter, to illness. She suddenly had a lump in her neck one day. I took her to the vet. He vet gave us medicine.... The lump started shrinking immediately. She showed no signs of being ill- ate happily, went about her normal activities, never seemed in pain. Which was why both the vet and I were so shocked that one day, a little under 2 weeks after starting the medicine, I came home to find her at the bottom of the cage. She, like her cage mate Pitter, was hand tamed, sweet and loving, enjoyed super kisses- the kind of little fluff ball that curled up in my hands to fall asleep. It was so shocking... She'd been so normal the whole time.... I couldn't understand. And Pitter seemed a little lost- though both girls, they had bonded very strongly. She suddenly began a bad habit of panic screaming, especially in the morning. And on top of that, I moved, so she was afraid of the new surroundings... I was so worried about her... Despite my utter, black grief, and that I knew I wasn't ready, I decided to try and buy her a friend to calm her down. About a month later, I started crying at work and had to leave early because I simply couldn't stop. As I was walking through the corridor to the train, I suddenly remembered the bird shop nearby and wound up with a new, bright little boy I named Tuk... He was even younger than Pitter and Patter when I got them, only a month. I syringe- fed him, and he was so super attached to me... He followed me everywhere. He never stopped moving. I couldn't move without him reacting. I nursed him through a sudden weakness, he fought so hard, he recovered even stronger. He had a habit of shadowing my feet. I had to be very careful always when I moved, because he was like a little shadow. Two days ago... I turned from the cabinet to find my foot already descending on him. I panicked and tried to stop the stepping motion, and I lost my balance and fell. As I fell, he dived straight under my leg. It was over in 30 seconds. He fled to the other room when I got up, staggered, and slowly turned over on his back. My little baby boy, barely 3 months old... So full of life and energy... So trusting, just fully decked out in his adult colors.... Gone. Gone.... gone. And I did it. He should be hanging from my hair. He should be trying to follow me out the door. He should be singing his beautiful little song.... and now he's gone. And I am so....utterly.... lost.
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