butterfly27

I'm not sure what I was afraid of. Maybe what she was experiencing. I know I don't like seeing pain inflicted on others. So maybe I'm not okay with knowing about how much pain she was in. I've never really thought about it like that. I'm 20 years old, and a junior in college. I'm an RA on a small campus o I work very closely with the school guidance counselor (it's almost like she's my boss). I should probably find someone Profesional to talk to. Thank you so much for replying.

On June 23rd this year, I watched my grandma die. I stood by her hospital bedside as they took her off life support. It took 3 minutes before her heart stopped beating. She was my best friend. The only person in my family that didn't drive me insane. She was more of a mother to me than my own mother was. She was healthy. I talked to her two days before her accident. I wish I had known that would be my last time ever talking to her. She had a terrible accident where she fell and hit her head and severely injured her brain to the point where she was pronounced brain dead the next day. I have so many great memories with her, but the only memory I can think of is the one where I watched the life fade out of her. I can't get the image out of my head of watching her eyes open after 3 days of not opening and watching them slowly go out of focus, to watching her jaw drop and her mouth moving after they pronounced her dead. I can't get the image out of my head, and I don't know what to do. It's been over a month and it's all I can think about ever. How do I stop this?