annie1992

I lost my father about a month ago. My dad is my best friend and I deeply miss him. I just recently started going back to work but asked to work part time. Before my fathers death, when I knew I'd have half days, I never worried about work or felt anxious. Now, with even the most simple tasks I feel overwhelmed. When I need to go to the store, I feel anxious, indecisive, and can't get myself to get up and go but eventually I do. I just feel like every SINGLE THING I DO IS A DRAG. I used to like be very productive and start my days early. But now, when I know I have work at say 1pm, I will not do anything productive before 1pm because I'm stressed. However back then, i'd get up early, clean the house, go to the gym, read a book, just anything to stay productive. Will things ever normalize again? Will this overwhelming feeling and anxiety ever go away? I want to go back to work and know that I can take on the day but every day just feels challenging for me.. FEELING HOPELESS.

MartyT thank you for your advice. I love what you said, "If you want to know what lies in the road ahead, talk to those coming back." My way of coping with anything really is by reading different self help books and experiences of people online. And yes it is my first experience dealing with death of a loved one. My emotions are all messed up and I know it's normal. I plan on attending two support groups for the first time this week so I hope that will make me feel better. I think it will help to be around others who also have experienced loss. Today as I was eating dinner at the dining table I cried so much. I have these thoughts of wishing he was still here and that I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I miss him so much! I keep imaging the horrible images of him and how bad he must have felt for all these years (he was very ill). I keep asking myself questions like, "Is he happier now?" "Did he know he was about to pass away and just didn't want to show me?" "Did I do everything I could have done to keep him happy?" I hope that in time those images and questions will go away.

Kayc thank you so much for sharing your story. It is really helpful. And I agree with you.. There is a lot that we don't know. I sometimes can feel my dad with me and maybe he is really watching me from above. No one will really know I guess but I also believe that my dad is still alive. In my heart at least he's still living well.

Thank you Marty. I'll be sure to look into that!

Thank you so much KayC! It really does help to know that what I'm feeling is normal. I'm so sorry for your loss. That must have been so hard for you especially just having a child. It is really hard. I felt okay while I was at home most of the day today. I later went out to a friends graduation ceremony and then I started crying an avalanche while I was sitting in the audience. It brought back memories of when my father came to my graduation last year in the spring. I felt so sad and it felt so unbearable. Will this pain ever go away? I can't imagine things getting any easier right now. I know its still just beginning but will I ever be okay? I called off work for 3 weeks so I have one more week until I go back but I feel like I won't be able to handle it. :/ How long has it been for you since your father passed away? How did you cope with things?

Its been 12 days since my father passed away. We already had his viewing and mass funeral. I am devastated. I had such a close relationship with my father. He was basically my best friend. I spent most of my days with him and we talked about EVERYTHING. I love my father so much. I always worried about my dad while he was sick and my routine always went around his. But why do I feel like I'm not crying as much as I should? Its like tears won't come out. Is this normal? I am so hurt and sad but I feel like I'm not feeling what I'm supposed to be feeling right now. Am I numb from everything? I'm a person who likes to acknowledge and feel all my emotions so I don't understand why I'm not feeling what I want to feel right now. I want to cry and feel sad when I'm at home but I feel like a part of me isn't grieving. Or maybe this lack of "feeling" IS part of grieving? I don't know and I am so confused with my own emotions.