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Autumn2

Contributor
  • Content count

    98
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About Autumn2

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Spouse
  • Date of Death
    12/04/2016
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Na

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Arizona
  1. The Silence

    Dewr Gwen I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I dont understand men (and it seems men are more like this...sorry guys). Do they feel invinsible? I dont know. Just know we are left. For me...if only my hubby had gone to the hospital for the backache earlier AND if the hospital are disgnosed and treated his kidney stone sepsis in a timely manner...maybe things would be different soooo I have some anger toward hubby but a whole, whole lot to the hospital which had a sepsis protocol and didnt follow it. He had every symptom of sepsis. Even red flagged hours before he was given fluids or antibiotics...guess they were too inept to see. So much for sepsis protocols if not followed. Still maybe that kidney stone had it been treated would have not gone into septic shock.
  2. Dear Vicky...I, too, find it difficult to cry and it has been 7 months. I am one that. cries,over an animal's death, the flag, anything patriotic and yet cant for my hubby. I have been a critical care nurse for 40 years and have learned how to shut things off BUT now I cant for the love of my life. I get easily choked up and physically feel ill but rarely any tears or if there are so very few. Many months back after his death I would get the shakes and I think that was my body's way of letting go. I think the many years of guarding my emotions with death have caused this. When I am really choked up I find sad movies allow me to cry. One in Particular loosened the dam was TAKING CHANCE on netflix but anything that worked. My hubby and I were married almost 52 years and I loved/love him with all my heart. I wish I could release the dam more but you are not alone.
  3. We had been married almost 52 years. This last weekend was seven months. How can it be that he is gone...and most importantly is how can I still be alive when I hurt so bad? Maybe I too am dead and just dont know it but then again maybe I am and do know it. Alas, right now things really "suck" for a better word, a word I used to think was awful. Guess lots of things are changing.
  4. A little over a year ago I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my femur...thank goodness my wonderful hubby was there. Anyway it was a good nine months before I could into the tub (and out) by myself and get up off the floor if I need to get all the way down there to do something. All I can say is it sure isnt a pretty site but I can do it. Fortunate, as I have no one to help me now. To show how bad it was, at about six months I got on my hands and knees to pick up the tv remote and could not push myself up and my hubby couldn't pull me up as it involved bending the knee which I could not do. This was at 2 am. Fortunately he was able to shove a small foot stool under my bottom and then was able to pull me up without knee being bent. All of this got better when I had a pesky knee screw removed which was causing all the trouble. After this fall it became really obvious how much we depended on each other so being alone is really scary for those of us, in particular, who are not spring chickens...more old hens.
  5. The Silence

    I can so relate to every single one of you. One son visited for a few days and it was wonderful then...he is gone and the loneliness that was there before is only compounded. If I am home...which is most of the time...the tv is on morning to night. At night I like audiobooks from overdrivemedia app. Free books. I listen to on iphone or walkman and probably other devices. Listen as I fall asleep and if I wake up I put them on again. They (and the tv) help my wondering brain. Netflix is indeed wonderful as is Hulu and Amazon Prime. Hulu and Amazon Prime I get thru my son (some sort of family thing so no cost to me so if any of your friends or relatives have they mAy be able to add you. I have not tried Roku. I need the audio distraction for sure. Sorry so difficult for so many of us. Dont write much but read almost daily and sends gentle hugs to each and every one of you.
  6. Gee, anybody else talking to themselves at times...particularly when trying to do/repair something?! One more crazy thing.
  7. I am so sorry and feel your great sadness. Everyone here can relate in one way or another. We all GET it...all the ups, downs ( or should I say mainly downs.)
  8. Pat. I am so sorry for your sadness. Emptiness is the perfect word! Gentle hugs.
  9. Dont know what to say. I wish you more than well. Many hugs!
  10. When I go to Phoenix next I will look for you. Sorry about what you have been through. Cant imagine.
  11. I am so sorry. My hubby died of sepsis...not diagnosed or treated in a timely manner...that was WHY he died. Walked into ED and died 17 hours later. Many people are not aware of sepsis. For whatever period of time I have left is to educate people about sepsis. It is dangerous and deadly and happens for many different reasons including UTI, kidney stones, pneumonia, Cdiff, childbirth, surgeries and that so called simple scratch. Sorry for my rant. I just had to mention it hoping I just might help someone else. Anytime there is even a question of overwhelming illness and you go to an ED, ask could it be sepsis?!
  12. I am so sorry. Not much more to say except I feel your pain. Our daughter's (who died in a car accident in 2004) dog crossed over the Rainbow Bridge a week ago. She was 17 years old. Another loss. Hard to know how to go on. Gentle hugs and tears coming your way.
  13. I hope you have a "good" birthday. Sending you hugs, cake and icecream.
  14. Geez, I am so very sorry for everything. i just dont get it when it comes to money. I have been fortunate. Everything was in order and still a real challenge BUT in my experience in life (73 years) I have seen families torn apart by a teapot. I just dont get it! You have been thru so much and if I understand it is one of your kids, no less. I am sure your heart is doubly heavy. This is a grewt group and you will learn you probably are not alone...not that that makes it even easier. Hugs.
  15. I, too, just watched this and enjoyed it. Sad but funny too.
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