Numb and Lost

I used to really love life. I loved lots of things, was extremely active, loved music, art, movies, books. I just really had an appreciation for life. Now I am just empty and depressed. I lost a man I loved dearly that was never even really mine. We had an on and off affair for 5 years. I actually had feelings for him years before that, but I wouldn't act on it as I knew it was wrong because I was married (even though it's been a very troubled marriage.) When I ran into him again the way I was drawn to him was just too strong to resist. By that time he was married too. I will never love anyone the way I loved him. He had the most beautiful smile and soul. It had been a while since I had seen him and we kept trying to get together but hadn't been able to yet. We would have seen each other the next week and we had talked about it and looked forward to it. He was killed before we were able to. I never even had a chance to respond to his last text to me. I feel I am forever broken.