Lynne58

Finch, I feel the same. I cry soo hard I feel I can't breathe. At times I feel like my Heart may stop. I am in such emotional anguish I can barely stand it.

If feel completely and utterly lost without my truest love. He passed very suddenly on Jan 9th at 430am. I miss him more than I can explain in mere words. I will Love my baby forever. Without my baby life has no meaning. I can not concentrate on any one thing for very long and I could care less about eating. Im so in love with my truest love, we had so many plans for one another, now they are all gone. The day I meet up with my love in heaven will be the happiest day of my life......

Gwenivere. Neither do I....... Miss you baby with every breath I take. My life has no meaning anymore. My heart aches and hurts so bad that I can barely stand it I want my baby back or I want to be with him I miss him desperately I will love him forever until we meet again my truest love.......

Ive tried to eat. I have such a hugh lump in my throat chest and heart area nothing will go down. Then if I do happen to get jello down it comes back up or out. My colitis really acts up when Im upset. But, in all honesty, I just dont have an appetite at all ,

My love passed very quickly on Jan 9,2017 at 430am. So far, things are no better for me. I continue to lose wait, I cannot stop my tears, I try, but I'll see something, here something. I can smell him all around me. I keep asking myself why & I know only god can answer that question. Maybe in time he will. I feel like my heart & part of myself has been ripped from my body. And my truest love is the only one that can fill that void. I will Love him Forever. I cannot wait until we are brought back together in heaven......

Brad, thank you. You are right it is very fresh & I am so tender, so completely lost. My truest love & I had a complete connection that alot of us in our lifetime have. My life all growing up & in my marriage was very bad. I was physically, verbally & mentality abused. The same time my marriage end my sister of only 46 died. Then soon after my dad. I was a absolute mess. Then just by chance my love & I happened to connect eyes in a restaurant. We both walked toward one another & as we talked we had already fell in love. I adored him & he adored me. We became inseparable except when we had to work. There is so much more for the complete love we had for each other. He was the other half of me & I him. My heart aches and hurts so bad I can barely breath. I can not begin in mere words try to tell anyone how I feel & how intensely I Miss my baby. I will LOVE HIM forever. I can not wait til the day that we are reunited in heaven. I find myself actually jealous of the angels and god because they have him by their side now. But, I also know that he is no longer in the excruciating pain he was in and that he is watching over me from above & god & the angels are watching out for my baby. Until that time, my love......please baby never stop watching over me....at timed I can actually feel you, smell you see you.......I love you baby with all that I am...???

Finch, My grief & the way I feel is so much like yours. Me & my life partner the instant we met eyes it was truly love at first sight We were inseparable only time we were apart was due to work. My love starting getting this cough in March2016. It kept getting worse & I would beg him to go to the Dr but he would just tell me it was just his sinuses acting up. This went on until right after the New Year. I finally got him to go to the ER,after being sent home from work,we were there 8hrs. The Dr came in with his dx of cancer in his right lung & cancerous lymph nodes in his right throat thats why he was coughing. Things got very bad very quick. He was dx on Jan 3rd & on Jan 9th at 430 am he was gone. I was taking care of my love from our home, he only wanted me, but on the 9th about 1am he was in excruciating pain & his lips were turning a blueish color & he had fallen between our bed & TV. So, I called 911 & as weak as he was he kept sayinv no Lynne no. He wanted to die in my arms. But, as much as I would've wanted that I was still praying he'd come out of some of this plus I couldn't do it to his family. The ambulance guys said I couldn't go with him so I gathered up what I thought he might need & left. I never saw him alive again. The Er Dr came out the 1st time & told us he went into cardiac arrest but were able to bring him back the Dr also said his body was riddled with cancer even in his bones. Told us they were in the process of moving him to critical care in the ICU but he went into cardiac arrest again & they couldn't bring him back. I collapsed and just screamed NO, my son was on the phone freaking out he said he has never heard me like that before. I was hysterical. Then I told them I wanted to see him. When I saw him I just begin sobbing & I took his hand in mine & gently stroked his hair & kept kissing his face his forehead getting real close to his ear begging him to wake up. I stayed in there until they physically took me away. But, while I was in there with him alone all of a sudden I felt a warm presence around me. I said baby is that you....the chaplin saw & came in & said yes honey that is him letting you know that he is with you. I left my heart and part of myself there with him when I left that hospital. I cant eat, I barely sleep. The agonizing pain through out my whole body and the hurt & ache in my heart is so unbearable that I can barely breath. The love we shared was so intense so wonderful beautiful. I keep thinking he's going to come walking through that front door and this was all a terrible dream. He was the other half of me and without him my life just doesnt work. I/we loved each other intensely. He was funny, caring, giving, loving most Wonderful man I have ever known. He worried all the time about making sure I was taken care of. And I the same. He had diabetes and I was always asking him about his levels, etc... Baby, my truest love I will never stop missing you or loving you. I can not wait until we are brought together again, in heaven???