mum's the word

Thank you so much for your replies. I am still in disbelief over the fact it has taken me 50 years to realise the connection between my inner emptiness and neediness and the death of my mother. It seems so obvious now. I will definitely look into getting some grief counselling and I will look into getting and reading some of the books suggested. Thank you again. This will hopefully be a huge turning point in my life .

At the age of 50 it has now become apparent that the whole of my life has been severely affected by the early loss of my mother. It has affected every aspect of my life. Relationships in particular. My inner child has never grown up. In the body of an adult, my inner child is still that 5 year old little girl grieving for a mother she has few memories of. She constantly craves affection, cuddles and attention. Still needing a carer rather than a partner. Someone to look after her and guide her, to show her she is loved. It's distressing and debilitating to live like this. It destroys relationships. I have severe abandonment issues which resulted in an 18 year marriage with an abuser. I struggled to leave for various reasons, but the main one being that having someone abusive was better than having no one at all. My father also died when I was 24. I've struggled my whole life with anxiety, depression and low self-esteem and am now developing physical symptoms. Possible Fibromyalgia. I never had any grief counselling or help of any kind when I was a child, or received any help at all since. I'm seeking help now as I realise this is not going to go away on it's own, and it's making my life a misery. Any suggestions?