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Chrissyuk

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    4
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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Pet carer and companion
  • Date of Death
    22 February 2017
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    N/A

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    UK

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  1. Well you posted to mine and I am grateful for that. Many years ago I discovered my partner of 10 years was having an affair with a member of his staff. We had ups and downs - how do you cope when the person and relationship that would normally be the support in your life is actually the source of the pain? Eventually he moved out and into his own home in the same small town. We had got to being on friendly terms and I even organised his move because he was at work that day. Months on the other woman was gone and it did seem that we were beginning to rekindle something. He was going to come round on Christmas Day and I cooked Christmas Dinner for us both. But he didn't turn up. Eventually I walked round to his home and was brought up sharp when I heard a woman's laughter inside. I stood outside in the rain and cried. How could anyone be so cruel? Had he simply forgotten? When I got home I realised I was at rock bottom and decided it was going to be upwards from then on. That was my 'closure'. We did eventually go on to be on friendly terms though. I hope things have resolved for you now. From looking at the other posts it seems you have been a great source of help for many others. Chrissy
  2. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words Marty and Maylissa. The vet said the gasps were the organs shutting down and she was already dead. But even if she wasn't then I can accept she was barely aware. What hurts more is that her suddenly trying to get up was clearly her struggling against the sedation when she felt it taking place. Even now I think maybe I should have asked the vet not to continue - and she might have slept it off and gone in her own time. Maybe the sedation should have been more in her case. She was always a determined dog. I can't expect the vet to offer more than reassuring words. They had been amazing caring vets throughout her last year. I try to tell myself that she was going downhill fast and suffering with little quality of life. She wasn't well that afternoon and could have gone at any moment with a heart attack or the one final massive seizure that I was dreading. I know all that and can feel a little better while that perspective stays with me but then I get the replay and feel terrible all over again. A contact who has been in that situation said it it once happened with one of her dogs and it doesn't mean you did the wrong thing. My neighbour just had a loved elderly dog put to sleep. It had been suffering from cancer and had had a terrible episode when it was shrieking with pain. But by the time they put it in the car to take to the vets, he was sitting up and looking round. She had second thoughts but her husband persuaded her that continuing on that journey was the right thing to do. She is at peace with that decision - though her dog didn't struggle to get up. I wish I could feel the same. I chose not to keep her ashes but I put some fur and her lead in a jar with her collar wrapped round. In time I will have keepsakes made with her photos. Leftover tins have gone to an animal charity. Meds have gone to someone else with a sick dog. But there is still a bed in each room for her and her toys are still around. Part of me hopes if I leave them down she might appear briefly or at least feel at ease if her spirit is visiting. But there has been nothing - just a terrible emptiness. I have thought about an animal communicator but I suspect most are just charlatans. I also thought about professional grief counselling. It is reassuring to know that I am not the only one who suffers. I told a friend, a fellow dog owner, who seemed to think that it could all be fixed by settling down under a duvet for an evening with a weepy movie and something nice to eat. I don't even want to eat. I am sure my neighbours think 'Why is she still crying a week later?'. Everywhere I go, everything I do is a reminder of what we did together. Everything was together. I guess it will take time Thank you again Chrissy
  3. Hi I just had my dog put to sleep and have asked for help on another thread but I thought maybe I could help. My border collie had a failing liver. A special diet and supplements kept her going for long after I was told it was hopeless. I belonged to a Yahoo dog liver group and they were a great help. The symptoms Sophie has sound very much like hepatic encephalopathy - due to the brain getting poisoned because of the liver not removing toxins. Sometimes antibiotics can help - as does giving food in several small meals but also here in the UK we give lactulose which absorbs excess ammonia. Not suggest you re-think euthanasia, but it might buy some quality time. I wish I could tell you it gets better but I made to decision to euthanize a week ago and am still working though it. I do so much know what you are going through. Hugs from the UK.
  4. Poppy my beautiful collie was diagnosed with a failing liver when she was 13. I was told she had 3 months to live. But with TLC and diet she pulled round. The vets couldn't believe it and said her liver must have regenerated. The next 3 years we did everything together but she started declining about a year ago. Her liver.was slipping again and her kidney enzymes were going up. It was a daily battle getting her to eat enough of the right things to keep on weight. 6 months back she had a seizure. Vets weren't sure if it was a stroke. But she came back from that in 3 days. 2 months later she had a small one and 2 months later a really terrible one. She was kicking and screaming. The vets gave Diazepam and she surprised us all by pulling round though it took a week and it seemed her vision was worse (she was already deaf). I questioned whether I was right to keep her going but she regained some spark and seemed determined. However a while after she started a real decline. Her walking became slow, she would only eat a few morsels of anything and was getting even thinner, she was wobbly and she slept a lot. Then one day she didn't want to play and it seemed a couple of times that she was uncomfortable or in pain. One afternoon, when she had been lying here for 3 hours and had pressed her head against the wall - a sign of liver toxins affecting the brain. I called out the vet. She didn't want to get up for either of us. At 16 years 9 months and with no prospect of a magic cure, we decided enough was enough. But this is the thing. She didn't react to the needle giving the initial sedation but as it started to take effect she started trembling and kept trying to get up till she eventually collapsed with her head on the vets knee. Then when the euthanasia shot went in, I cradled her head and it took several gasps before her heart stopped. I can't forgive myself for this ever. She struggled and was frightened, she wasn't ready and I killed her. It is a week later and I can't stop this terrible moment on replay in my head. I just wanted to help her but I can't tell her and now I am left in an empty home with a freezer full of home cooked food and her things all around me. The guilt and the loss are like a knife in my heart and it never goes away. Everything seems so pointless now and I can't stop crying. Please help. Chrissy
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