Dear all, my name is Karin and I lost my beloved Mother 4 years ago. (Please excuse my sometimes broken English, I am writing this from Sweden..)
I want to share my story with you..My Mum lived in a nursing home for 15 years ever since she got paralized from her second stroke in 1998.
She died in pneumonia.They had told us that it would take some time, she was totally awake and looked like she used to.I was there during days and nights, and during the nights she sometimes had abnormal breathing patterns. The last night she had very fast breathing that started in the evening, and when I came in to her room at 12 in the night, it had gotten worse.She looked at me very intesively and the breathing was very fast and loud, but no sounds of fluids in the lungs.
It was so stressful to sit by her side during that labored breathing.I finally rang the nurse who came and gave her an injection of 7.5 mg Morphine and 5 mg Stesolide.
Maybe it got a little better, but the breathing was still very fast.I panicked and rang the nurse after only 30 minutes, and I was thinking "what are you doing, the 4 hours that was supposed to be between the doses, what about that"?! But I wanted to help her so desperately.
AND they had agrees to try and save her after my brother and I had begged them to.They shouldn´t agreed to that..our Mother had been ill for 25 years and we were in denial, just couldn´t get into our heds that this was it..
So that last night, I was in my best rescuing mood..:( I don´t understand today how I could think that more Morphine would help her, but that night I wasn´t myself..
Anyway, the nurse came and said she could have a little more.I don´t know how much she gave her, but two hours later my Mum died.
I feel like it´s my fault, I am convinced she would have lived two days longer if she hadn´t gotten that second injection.She was totally alerte and awake..
Every day is torture for me now, and i don´t know how to move on with this guilt.
If there´s anyone who has any advice please tell me..thanks so much