Kaybee

Contributor
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About Kaybee

  • Rank
    Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Ex wife
  • Date of Death
    NA
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Uk

Recent Profile Visitors

114 profile views
  1. Kay and Gin, it's great to get worrying health issues cleared. Good news for you both. I completed my first full week back at work in my new job. I've felt pleasantly tired - the sort of tiredness you get from having achieved something. I also feel that I've earned my down time this weekend. It's one weight off my mind, feeling useful again.
  2. Thank you for the good wishes. It's quite a career change from what I was doing up until a few months ago, but I knew the old career was burning me out. Everything has changed in 6 months, feels like I'm starting from scratch...not necessarily a bad thing!
  3. Kay, It's clear he took advantage of your being in such a vulnerable state and manipulated you because you are a decent, kind and caring person. I'm sorry that the marriage had such far reaching implications for you. The law seems to have failed you dismally. My heart goes out to you. I admire you for having the strength to be so proactive at the end of your marriage. I wish I had been the same, but I was so afraid of stirring up a hornet's nest (he had threatened to kill me as I was walking out the door) I felt the best thing to do was lie low and not provoke. No contact...'radio silence'. Besides, any legal battle would have been long drawn out and very expensive and I just couldn't muster the strength for that. I didn't have an 'escape plan' and wholeheartedly wish i'd consulted domestic violence organisations for advice. I regret it now, but we are where we are and even walking out the door with a death threat ringing in my ears didn't make me acknowledge that the marriage was abusive. I felt I had no grounds to report to the Police. All I knew was that I was tired and drained. The mind is a strange thing. I'm glad to read that you feel you are in a better place now and that gives me hope, for sure. And you're right - Marty's exhaustive research is worth its weight in gold. Quite how she manages it all is beyond me. My new job starts next week and working full time will hopefully distract me from ruminating. I do really want to put the past behind me. Thank you for responding to my post.
  4. Dear Kay, I hope you don't mind my commenting and 'resurrecting' this thread. Your experience with John sounds rather like my own. I find it so difficult to comprehend what actually happened during my marriage and am angry with myself for not calling it at the time for what it was...abuse. By that I mean, I kept quiet about what happened even after I left, apart from telling my sister and my friend. Even then I wondered if I had got it quite right...then 12 months ago, the full realisation hit me. Now, my ex is dead and it has brought more issues to the fore. This is at a time when me and my partner have relocated for a fresh start. Yet, it feels like my ex still has a hold over my life and everything feels close to disaster. I thought I was at rock bottom in my marriage but this current state feels worse. I feel like a big let down. Reading your story and your updates does give me some hope of a life after all this. Thank you for sharing your experiences. You have such amazing strength, courage and compassion. Marty's post about 'The Awakening' gives me a glimpse of inspiration as well. I'm still here to tell the tale, after all. I just need to find the courage to finally draw that line and say ENOUGH...to start standing up for myself and move on.
  5. This made for great listening and it was nice to hear your voice Marty. It's good to hear an acknowledgement that grief doesn't only follow a death; any sort of loss can invoke a grief response. The blog and forum has been such a boon to me at this time. The many links provided on the site have been most enlightening and provided great reassurance in some dark moments. Here we are all united in experiencing loss one way or another.
  6. Thank you so much. In recent months I have been reminded of the Shakespeare quote: 'When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions' and it felt like nothing was going right. Ordeal after ordeal. The prospect of having some order and routine back after a number of months actually excites me.
  7. Hi. I wanted to share that I got a job offer today! Going back to work feels like a good dose of normality for me. Hopefully not too long until I get started
  8. Thank you Marty. Today has been a better day. I spent most of the day walking by the sea and, as a result, the anxiety didn't feel as all consuming. The link you shared was most insightful as well. I'm so glad to have found this site!
  9. Hello again. You will all have to forgive me for the many questions that I will inevitably have over the next while. I appear to be having a spike in anxiety at present, having seen a therapist last week. What I'm feeling at the moment feels like how I felt in the first few days following my ex husband's death (now 3 months ago). Knotted stomach, heart pounding, lump in my throat, a really awful fear of something dreadful about to happen. I'm satisfied that these are anxiety symptoms but it feels unbearable to think I'm going backwards. It feels like a lack of progress. The urge to run and hide is so strong. My question: is this feeling of going backwards normal?
  10. Thank you both for your recommendations. I can see now that issues needed to be addressed some time ago but there's no time like the present to finally get started.
  11. Hi kayc, there don't appear to be any grief support groups around where I live but it's worth keeping an eye out for. Marty...I saw a therapist this morning who feels that I am experiencing PTSD symptoms. The plan now is for a period of CBT or maybe EMDR. A step forward!
  12. Hi amstcole, thank you. Appreciate the prayers. I shall certainly seek out as much support as I can.
  13. I think that I've got a lot of counselling coming up on the horizon. I can't bear any reminders either. He used to say to me that I would only get my life back when he was dead, so that time is now. I will check out the section you recommend, thank you 😊
  14. Hello Kayc, thank you for your reply. It still doesn't seem real that he has died, maybe because the bad memories are so vivid or maybe eventually it will sink in over time. The solicitor will take care of paperwork etc. It's just I feel that I'm reliving it all. I couldn't even bear to go to the house we once shared. The sooner it's dealt with the better. There are things that happened that are only just coming back to me now. It's an exhausting time, as I said. I completely understand how you feel, not wanting to see your ex. I hope you're keeping ok. After I left I found myself flinching at the mere mention of his name, so I did everything I could to avoid anything to do with him. I have lots of positives to be thankful for, I need to retrain my brain to appreciate that I can now probably start over properly, however long that will take.