Broken heart and soul

Dear Kayc, I am sooo sad to hear that your Precious Babies Kitty, Arlie and Miss Mocha have crossed the Rainbow Bridge.......I hope that they are playing with my Precious Babies. And, unfortunately, tomorrow is going to be one month since I had to say goodbye to another Cat - my Beautiful Baby Girl, sooo sweet and precious - she, just like all of my Babies - will always be in my heart......always and forever.....because my love for them is eternal. I hope that the memories you have shared with your Beautiful Babies bring some warmth and peace to your heart. I know that there are no words to ease the pain.

Dear KayC, thank you so very much for your words!! My Precious Baby Pearl is forever and ever in my heart!! I pray she is happy and healthy and that her new family loves her unconditionally and that they are smarter than me, when it comes to her health!! i wish you, not only today, but specially today, much love and blessings!! monica

Dear Maylissa, thank you very very much for your message and for mentioning the support group!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!! I love the idea of the Christmas memorial - thank you for this wonderful suggestion!! Sorry I’m not writing a long message, but I do want you to know that I am very, very grateful for your kindness and the fact that you shared it with me!! I can’t thank you enough!! xoxo, monica

Dear KayC, thank you soooooo very much!! monica

Dear Kayc, I became so sad to hear you felt the way I feel (lonely) with your first husband 😔, and then you found 💕 love, but he moved back to Heaven 😪 so soon!! This is 😞 so sad . I wish your children could see the wonderful person you are and enjoy your company more often!! These things are heart breaking 💔💔!! I wish I had the power to change that!! Unfortunately, Kayc, they have no idea that they are missing out the great opportunity to be in your life and the kiddos are missing out because they are not being able to enjoy granda’s love ❤️ and attention! But I have hope they will change - I hope they feel something missing from their lives , and this “something “ is your caring and loving presence!! Yes, I believe our Loves visit us in our sleep 😴!! I want you to know that I will be thinking about you and sending you lots of love 💗, and wishes of health and joy!! Speaking about health, I hope you had the opportunity to rest after having shoveled all the snow ❄️ and I hope your arm/hand are not hurting anymore (carpal tunnel)!! Also, please kindly tell your Dog 🐶 and your Cat 🐱 I also send them love 💕, health and joy!! I wish you a lovely evening!! monica

Dear Maylissa, Im back now and I will answer your message!! By the way, I thank you for your message!! Thank you for sharing that technique about gratitude - I will do that more often!! ( as much as I remember to do that 😜)! Awwwww, I think it is soooooo beautiful that you visit the Kitties 🐱😻😺😻!!! Those people should be so grateful and happy for the fact that you care enough to do that!!! They should learn from your kindness and generosity!! I am pretty sure the Babies 🐱😻🐱😻Love it when you visit them!!! And all they care about is your loving presence- that is THE gift!!! Maylissa, you are soooo right again!! We DO have to rewrite our brains!!! Awww, thank you so much for saying I’m not alone for feeling lousy (I thought I was the only creature on Earth 🌏 that is not excited about festivities). It is exactly what you mentioned- the pressure from society! 😫 i thank you so very much for your wonderful wishes!! I’ll be thinking of you, as well!! Thank you so much 😊!! Love ❤️ , health and joy!! monica

Dear Maylissa, I saw you sent me a beautiful message, as usual!! Thank you so much!! I couldn’t read it entirely because when I was finishing typing my answer to Kayc, my husband just returned from the shop, he took the car to be fixed. I won’t be able to answer you now, but I will be back here tomorrow, he will pick up his son at the airport, so I will send you an answer tomorrow. For now, please know I’m very grateful you sent me a message!! ill write to you tomorrow!! xoxo, monica

Dear Kayc, Thank you so very much for your wonderful and wise message to me!! Your words are my Christmas gift 💝 and I thank you immensely for them!! Yes, I am writing a letter to My Precious Beloved Daughter, My Baby Pearl!! I’m still working on it, I don’t manage to write so often, I cry, I shake, I freeze. But I will complete it, some day. I hope today you can just relax and put some pillows so you can rest your feet - I hope the carpal tunnel pain goes away as fast as possible!! it is comforting to know you won’t be driving in freezing rain - you are absolutely right not to do that - it is extremely dangerous. I know you will miss your grandkids, but all of us - them and I - prefer that you be safe and warm at home 🏡 - you will not be alone. - I do believe in my heart that your Husband will come down from Heaven and he will hold you in his arms while you are sleeping and you will wake up with a wonderful feeling of joy in your beautiful heart. Kayc, I like to think that - I think that, while I’m sleeping, my dad and my grandparents come down from Heaven to hug me and kiss my forehead. Since they have moved to Heaven I like to hold that thought in my heart - it makes me feel less lonely. And you will also have the wonderful company of your Dog 🐶 and your Cat 🐱 - these Little Ones will also be extremely glad and grateful for the fact that their Mommy will not be driving under dangerous circumstances (freezing rain), she will be with them - in a cozy and warm home 🏡, surrounded by Love ❤️ 💞💖💓! KayC, I am deeply sorry for the fact that you lost your Husband só soon 😢! I really do NOT understand why sad things happen to such a wonderful person - you! But I have learned that Love is forever and eternal in our hearts!! i have my husband with me - I do love him, but I am lonely, I feel alone, even though I’m married to him. I feel this way not only on Christmas, but on every single day of any year and my Cats “ feel” my loneliness and the way he treats me - My Baby Pearl is the one who felt it even more, the rudeness, the behavior and the way he treats me - she is and will always be my Angel. She was constantly by my side, around me. I believe him when he says it is just a phase (the heavy daily drinking), I do hope he stops drinking this way. But, unfortunately, he is an alcoholic and dealing with the mood swings is not easy. The cleaning (bathroom) and picking up cans are the easiest part. He says he will stop drinking when he wants to, not because I beg him to. I do hope he stops drinking, or at least reduces the amount , for the sake of his health. KayC, I feel and am more alone than you can imagine - I am growing old alone, although I have his physical presence, but I don’t have, I don’t receive love or kindness from him. It hurts. But I have made peace with that. He says im his caretaker and his designated driver. But, more than that, I’m really his friend. I do try to help him, every day! I don’t want to brag, but I’m a very good maid, who is constantly cleaning! Dear KayC, I hope on Christmas Day, and every day, you feel all the love I’m sending your way - you are not alone!! You have your beloved Husband (forever in your heart), your Precious 🐶, your Precious Cat 🐱 by your side and the love of your children and grandchildren!! Thank you for your kindness to me, KayC!! Lots of Love, hugs and kisses, monica

Dear Kayc, Although I am not feeling the joy of the Season, I wish you Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!! i want you to know that I simply love that video/movie you shared with me!! I thank you so much for doing that!! With love, Broken heart and soul, aka, monica

Dear Maylissa, I hope you are doing great!! Although I am not feeling the joy of the Season, I wish you Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!! Thank you for all you taught and shared with me!! With love, Broken heart and soul, aka, monica

Dear Marty, Although I am not feeling the joy of the Season as I used to, I would like to wish you Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!! Dear Marty, thank you for being You........You are a gift to this world!! With immense gratitude, love and admiration, Broken heart and soul, aka, Monica

Hi Lattiee, im very sorry to hear your Baby Piggy passed away! 😞 it is so very sad; we love our Babies (of any species) and they pass away and we feel this gigantic pain😞!! I became happy to learn your Cat had a successful surgery!! This is wonderful news, indeed!! im sorry you are allergic to that medicine; however, it is good that you know it now so that you can avoid it!! Thank you so much for writing to me, I thank you for your message!! I am not doing well, so I am not writing much. I also wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!!! monica

Dear each Pet Parent, I wish you Happy Thanksgiving!! monica, a person destroyed by pain

Dear Kayc, I wish you Happy Thanksgiving!! xoxo, monica

Dear Maylissa, I wish you Happy Thanksgiving!! xoxo, monica

Dear Marty, I wish you Happy Thanksgiving!! Love and immense gratitude, monica

Dear Maylissa, I thoroughly agree with you!!! I am unwell. Yes the past haunts me and to me time doesn’t heal anything, nothing will be the way it used to be. i will write to you some time later, I’m not doing ok, I must rest. thank you so very much for everything you have done!!! monica

Dear Maylissa, thank you so much for opening my eyes about Blue Buffalo and the recall related to lead poisoning 😱😳😱😳!! Thank you as always for remembering I use it for my Children!! monica

Dear Maylissa, 😞😞oh, thank you for sharing these fresh news. I’ll visit these sites. yes, unfortunately my learning about this can’t protect My Baby Pearl, but it can protect my other Babies!! thank you again!!! xoxoxo destroyed monica

Dear Maylissa, As always, I want to express my gratitude for the fact that you answer my messages!!!!! Thank you for the C&P the excerpts!! I'll comment the same way - it is a great idea - this way we don't have to go back and forth!! About the autoimmune disorder and the chronic muscular issues, oh Maylissa, I do hope and wish with all my heart that ou do heal yourself from within.......I don't know what could help, but how about a few approaches, such as: EFT, meditation, massages (please check with your doctor, first), all I want to say is that I do hope you find a way (or ways) of getting rid of symptoms!! You do not need to beat yourself up so badly that you think you don’t “deserve” a friend here, or that someone “wasted” their time on you. Come on, now, tap on THAT….”even though I don’t think I deserve friends or help, I accept myself and my feelings anyway…” 😉 We also heal ourselves partly by helping others, after all. Thank you for telling me to tap on that feeling that I don't deserve a friend..............I'll tap on that, but my guilt and sadness is so immense, you don't imagine!! I’m so grateful for the way you feel about me, Monica. ❤️ But I say this and feel this way because of how others close to me have been mistreating me and disregarding my feelings in vital matters. And because I have not been able to yet find any competent professional help in the specific area required (are barely any trained in this particular field), and so I have no one really compassionate and experienced to help me. And because, despite all the experience I have amassed that should be of use to me, I’ve still never felt so alone and abandoned in my entire life. So your words of affirmation of my worth (to at least someone out there) are “gold” to me, but still cannot, all by themselves, entirely dig me out of this pit I’ve been in for too long already. But I’m also sure I was guided to you to be the recipient of your kind words! An “earth angel” in disguise, you are. 😇 Maylissa, I just say to you what I feel and I feel in my heart that you are really a wonderful person!!!!! It is soooo sad and unjust that the people that had the privilege to know you in person, to be in your life, make this huuuuuge mistake of not treating you the way you should be treated - with all the love one can give you, all the respect and admiration!! I know it hurts, but it is their loss.........they are the ones who are hurting a beautiful flower (You) and I hope this beautiful flower (You) will become ,each day, stronger and stronger and will not let these mean individuals hurt you anymore!!! Don't feel alone, neither abandoned because you are not - please know that we (people who take part in this wonderful group) love you and we are able to see the beauty in your heart and in your soul!!!! My wish is that all the nice words you hear about you, pronounced by me and other people, I hope that these words build an invisible ladder to help you come out of the pit you fell. Please know that you will get out of this pit!!!!!!!!!!!! No, unfortunately, I'm not an angel (after all, you know how stupid I was and my "yes" killed my Precious Daughter); but I do think YOU are an Angel and some people do not deserve You and your beautiful heart!!!!! And I want you to know that all my words are sincere, and they come from my heart - you deserve wonderful words!!!! And it is a huge shame some people treat you differently!!!!! Thank you for comparing me to a =^*^= Kitty-kitty, I just loved that!!!!!!!! Well, there ya go, one mission accomplished! And please don’t minimize what you learned. By contrast, just think of all the people who would refuse to learn such a tough lesson and instead make the same mistake all over again, without any further thought or sense of responsibility. You are much bigger-hearted and wiser than that, and this proves it! I hope you can grant yourself at least this amount of credit. I certainly do! Oh, yes, I would never minimize what I have learned!!!! That was the toughest and worst lesson I have ever been through!!!! I will not make this same mistake again!! Thank you so much for giving me this amount of credit!!!! No rudeness taken, dear Monica. It’s okay. I can still understand why you feel as you do. No amount of just “talking” is going to change anyone's mind anyway. Only inner shifts in perspectives or beliefs can do that. Please, re-read the above sentences!! That is why I say and say and repeat over and over: Maylissa, you are sooooo wise and caring!!!!!! And it hurts my heart to learn that people in your inner circle do not see that and do not treat you the way you deserve!!!!!!! I think I'll copy the sentence "Only inner shifts in perspectives or beliefs can do that" and laminate it and keep it in my pocket, so I can read it at least 100 times a day!!!!!! Oh my, that’s a really rough memory to live with!! 😢 I can see and feel even more levels of why this is killing you inside…even though you didn’t know anything about the dangers of vaccines until after the fact. I’m just so, so very sorry this is how it went. It’s utterly heartbreaking!!! Again, this is quite similar to what happened with my girl, after I had ASSURED her all day of what her euthanasia would consist of, to prepare her well in advance. Yet that !@#(!@# vet who was sent out RUINED and STOLE what should have been a peacefultransition for her, and by extension, for me, too. [.............] Oh, Maylissa, wow, I see the similarities between our experiences with those vets - I feel we (and our Precious Baby Daughters) were betrayed by greed, lack of caring and they really RUINED and STOLE our Babies' lives and ours, as well. I just hope that one day they realize that!!!! And, yes, I will definitely check the site that was mentioned in the docu-series!!!! Thank you so much!!!! I could be wrong, but what you experienced when your Pearl was euthanized sounds to me like you…joined her in her transitory state out of body! [.............] No, I think you are right..............because since that day, June 24th, 2016, I am very, very different..........the appearance is the same, I just put on about 20 pounds, but my face, hair, these things are the same, I am more alert, I function, clean the house, do laundry, etc, I function, I go to the supermarket and all, but when I say I am different what I mean is that I no longer have joy in life anymore, I do things mechanically, I do feel a huge emptiness, a void inside me.......and I still feel that heaviness and lightness at the same time.......I feel a tightness in my heart, a sadness and I still sometimes think that it was all a huge nightmare, sometimes I go to the living room and think I will see her there.............but I see her Precious Baby - Rocky - and Bubbles........and I hug, kiss and pet them and tell them I love them always and forever and I beg Rocky again and again for forgiveness...............and I cry, as always!!!! I do want to talk to an Animal Communicator and if I really do, I will share with you what I learn from our session!!!! Yes, I “get” this, too. We often hang on to the guilt because we believe it’s a testament to our great love, and it is in one way, but in an unhealthy way if it goes on too long, or with too much intensity. We also need to keep questioning — is that is what we’d wish our furchild to do or feel like, were the tables turned? Again, evil is defined by INTENT, not by a mistake or ignorance of knowledge, neither of which was ever intended. And you did NOT have an intent to kill Pearl. You could believe it was immoralof you to not have looked into vaccines before then, but then, what reason would you have had to do so, thinking (even if mistakenly) that they would simply not be used if they were that dangerous? Again, your anger belongs where it really belongs — with the drug manufacturers, the medical establishment and these broken systems, not as much with yourself. Perhaps you are also turning it inward upon yourself because you feel impotent against these controlling powers out there? But even IF you ever forgive yourself, that will never mean you’ll forget…unless you lose your memory altogether. Forgiveness is really just an acceptance of something that happened, and self-forgiveness is acceptance of how you were (being) at a certain point in time. Oh, Maylissa, do you see why I say you are wonderful?? And wise?? and amazing????? I'll also copy and laminate the sentences above and keep them in my pocket so I can read them a thousand times a day!!!!!! So, I beg you, pleeeeeaseeee use this immense knowledge, more than knowledge, your wisdom to join me in my chorus when I say you are wonderful and you will be able to get out of that pit you fell into, because you do not deserve that - you deserve the best in life, the best from life and wonderful people in your life!!!!!!!!! You don’t even need an ACer to say all that to your baby girl. Just SAY it to her spirit, &/or write it all out, uncensored, and read it aloud to her. But do you really wish to become cancerous and hence leave all your babies without YOU to take care of them? I understand the "wanting to die" kind of sentiment, but certainly wouldn’t want to see such a dire wish come true for you, or them! I have started to write a letter to her, but I haven't finished it, yet. I need to be alone at home to do that, I mean I need to write to her when my husband is on one of his business trips, because I cry, I shake, I feel as if I'm "flying", kinda leaving my body for a moment, it's weird, I cry and cry and my eyes get swollen, I feel physically weak, I don't feel like doing household chores, so I need to be alone to continue my letter to her; but I do want to continue my letter and finish it to her. I connected with my girl on one of her angelversaries, and spoke to her of my own guilt. It’s too personal to share her response here, but suffice to say, she came back with some pretty surprising replies that left me feeling even MORE blessed to have her as my furdaughter! She certainly didn’t blame me. There are many places on the net nowadays where you can find free methods to connect on your own, so maybe that’s something you could try, too? Ooohhh, I love when you said " angelversaries "!!!! Of course she didn't blame you - you are NOT the one to blame - you only have LOVE for her and she feels it in her furry little heart!!!!! Thank you for telling me that there are free methods on the net to connect with Our Loves!!!!!! If I do contact her via ACer or on my own, please be sure you will hear all about it!!!! That reminds me…you can’t upload a pic of your girl here, can you? It would be lovely to see her! Last I checked (through Teresa Wagner), my Sabin was working in a leading type of way (which he always was in our family — the LEADER!), to connect certain animals with certain humans for their life journeys, while my Nissa was working exclusively with cats….which apparently, in all of Teresa’s decades of ACing, was highly unusual for animals in the spirit realm! All I could say was, “Well, that’s my girl!…following in her Mom’s footsteps!!” (as in my preference for working with, and just plain adoring cats in particular) My computer is done, I can't afford to have a technician to see if they can retrieve my pictures, by the way, today I am typing this message to you using my husband's laptop - my eyes hurt too much to keep using my little cell phone...........I just hope he never finds out about our messages!!!! All my pictures are in that computer so I have to find a way of getting the pictures from it. Awwww, I just loved to hear about your Precious Nissa and your Precious Sabin - these two little ones are hard workers and it is beautiful what they do - Sabin and Nissa are both Precious Little Angels!!!! When you talk to them again, please tell them they have a huge admirer (me) here and that I love them too and I send them kisses and belly rubs and please tell them, if they can, to tell My Baby Pearl I love her and I am eternally sorry. Ha, these days I seem to feel more like I usedto be strong and resilient. Part of my health issue includes fatigue and depression, so it stands to reason. It would REALLY help if the medical establishment knew what the heck they were doing with this condition, but as usual, they don’t have much of a clue, and can even make it much worse. That’s why it’s falling on my shoulders to find answers for myself. Honestly, I had better vets than I do human doctors! The other things I need to say “no” to are even more difficult, as all this is very costly, and I simply can’t afford what I need all by myself. Even though you used to feel stronger and resilient before, please tell/remind your brain that YOU ARE!!!!! And I do hope you find a health establishment that is really competent in order to help you, but, in the meantime, know that I send you thoughts of love, gratitude and positive energy!!!!!!! I also hope there is a way to pay for the costs of the treatment!!!!! You’re under NO obligation to believe anything I say! It was just a thought to maybe keep in mind, based upon all I have noticed throughout my own life when bad things have happened. It’s an observation that has often served me well…but usually only in hindsight, sometimes taking years to see more wholly. There are also hardly ANY “natural” deaths for animals anymore, as compared to decades ago. If it’s not through accident, or caused by sheer recklessness (or worse, abuse!), or a diseased state, animals dying of “old age” just isn’t the norm now. So for all you know, Pearl may have later become cancerous from some other things as well. Or perhaps she was already “predisposed” to it occurring, by that point. When nearly everything our animals are exposed to on a daily basis is toxic in some way, unless we’re extremely cautious with and enriching of their whole environment, chances are they will succumb to something, just as we do. Emotional states also play a huge part in this. Cancerous conditions also mean there are weaknesses or imbalances in the body, and today’s overall conditions and lifestyles tax our bodies in ways they weren’t meant to be able to withstand for long without (often many) preventive actions. In other words, you may still not have gotten a “natural” death for your girl, regardless. I know it’s not really a comfort by itself to think of such things, but it’s still worth noting somewhere in the back of the mind. For example, I tried to use such comparisons at times, for a bit of relief in the guilt. What if, for instance, my boy had gotten killed by a dog running at large who came into our yard? (this nearly happened a few times due to people who refused to leash or control them, or even actively encouraging their dog to "get the cat!") Would that have felt worse to me than what he went through or how he did die? I had to admit, yes, in some key ways that would have felt worse for me. And so I would play with these other possibilities. Some helped, some didn’t, but it was worth exploring. Please know that I DO believe everything you say!!!!! That goes without saying!!!!! Thank you for explaining that that are hardly any natural deaths for Animals anymore, yeah, I get it, food (even if it is Blue Buffalo), water, even if it is mineral, our lifestyle, I am starting to see it now.......thank you for pointing this things out......I will do keep these thoughts and observations in mind, maybe in a few years I will be able to see things more wholly, as well. Oh, heavens NO!!! It’s my belief that as souls, we form pacts or agreements with other souls before we incarnate, and those can be chock-full of all sorts of situations, both good and bad, but essentially are often ways to keep “growing” ourselves, bettering ourselves and the like, or sometimes just to experience things of different natures in a shared lifetime. And physical death does not destroy them, since souls are eternal. A pact is a pact, for at least one lifetime, if not more. Besides, time is just a human construct anyway, so on a quantum level, everything, every lifetime, every parallel universe, is occurring all at once. Oh, Sweet Baby Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!! The sentences above are just so fantastic!!!! I will have to laminate them, as well and read them a thousand times a day!!!!! Thank you for saying this, Maylissa, "physical death does not destroy them, since souls are eternal". "Besides, time is just a human construct anyway, so on a quantum level, everything, every lifetime, every parallel universe, is occurring all at once." Your wisdom is a gift to those who know you!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, Maylissa, always and forever!!!!! Sighhhhh…yes, it is, as it is with her brother, too. (I just never spoke as much about him here) However, I’ve told them they should NOT come back to me this time, or at least not yet and possibly not ever, depending. And frankly, with the world as it is right now, I honestly wouldn’t want to subject them to IT, or to many of the people in it, given the choice. But I am just in no position right now to care for anybody else's life, much less my precious furkids’!!!…even though that is killing me. No ACer to date has ever seen them as being reincarnated (unlike what many others are told), and I believe they never would unless I asked them to. [...........] Ok, I understand it. But what I want to say is that you and them are forever in one another's life - it is a life, a match made in Heaven - and you guys will always be connected by Love, the same way I think about My Furry Babies and I. I would hope many would, although tragically, a lot of people don’t want to know or learn. But those who have experienced these things for themselves are always amongst the champions for change. And now, even very young animals are getting cancer. The rates are absolutely shocking. In fact, the last feline buddy I’d had here last year, a wonderful Tuxedo cat who wasn’t even 1 year old, likely (from what I heard) got cancer and was probably promptly euthanized, rather than fought for to keep alive and heal. It was so obvious he was ill with chronic, bad diarrhea and pica, but I didn’t know until later where he lived, and perhaps his people didn’t really care anyway. It sounded like he was also quickly “replaced." I’ve experienced that go on far more often than people taking responsibility and going the extra mile for their animals…especially if they’re cats. Oh, soooo sad, I'm sorry about this Tuxedo little boy that was euthanized..............I just hope (and do know) he was welcomed in Heaven by wonderful beings!!!!!! But, I do wish he could have been saved. As well as from vaccines, animals are also getting cancer from commercial/cooked/ processed pet foods, and so much more…paralleling its rapid rise in humans, too. We’re all living entities after all, and for all our differences, our physiologies are still pretty similar. But if people refuse to learn, it will only get more dismal. I’ve even known people to get kicked off forums just for pointing out what they had learned, as being considered too “controversial,” or non-status quo and therefore “upsetting” to others. While I sit weeping in frustration for all the precious lives needlessly lost. For me, it has become very wearisome and more than depressing after nearly 2 decades of becoming aware…which is why I’m so heartened now (finally!) by these others taking up the fight. Yes, I am now seen by some people as one of those "troublemakers" because I try to talk to people about the dangers of vaccines and I tell them that it is just right to treat Animals with love, respect and dignity. Many roll their eyes, others say I will not save the world, others say I "waste" my time saying all these things because I did not have children of my own. I say that is not the reason why, I tell them that even if I had biological children, I will always think that all Animals deserve love, respect and care!!!!!! Well, Monica, like you, I wouldn’t say such words if I didn’t believe them to be true! The very fact that your conscience is killing you tells me a lot about who you are inside, and you are the kind of people this world needs. I truly hope you can stop killing yourself with that guilt, because we can’t afford to lose even ONE of you! Oh, Maylissa, thank you for these beautiful words, now I have tears of joy. Thank you soooo very much!!!!!! I don’t think anybody who loves animals can chance being unaware of the info in that docu-series (or wherever they can get it), it’s that vital to know. Yet, for you at this time, that much info might be too traumatizing to take in as yet. But at the same time, I keep thinking that had you been able to watch even some of it, you might have started seeing how vastly this was NOT your fault, and for that purpose alone it would have been invaluable to hear. With any luck, it will still be offered for purchase for a long while yet. I thoroughly agree - the info in that docu-series or from any other source is invaluable for us who love Animals and treat them as who they really are - our Family!!!!! To this day, anything I hear or read still places a dagger in my heart.....I think my wound is still very raw, but it is definitely necessary to learn!!!!!!!! just so I don't do it again, I won't do it again, I've learn this lesson........at the highest price I could pay..........my heart and my soul were not prepared to afford that!!!! Yah, I’m pretty sure YOU have a pulse on what’s really going on, over your husband’s take on it. Sure, some Siamese blood (just like my kids had as well!) usually makes for more vocal cats, but cats do grieve, too. And Rocky probably needs a lot more attention because of it. But you probably know his particular, unique meows better than anyone, so as to interpret them best. Trust your own heart on that, and don’t trust anyone who isn’t as connected or caring about your furkids. (I have a story illustrating that, too, but it’s SO painful to me even now, I cannot share it in public) On the other hand, as I said, animals are mirrors for OUR emotional states, so your upset is likely affecting Rocky as well. His vocalizing breaks my heart, too, btw…just as it did to see my girl lose her cherished brother and grieve so badly. Except she went mainly SILENT, which was hugely disturbing! However, that epiphany I had regarding her life came around the 3 month mark, so nowhere as long as your timeline. Animals are usually able to get through heartache faster than us humans, but they do have to be given incentive and means to heal as well. Again, I’d recommend PLAYTIME/bonding time!!! Aside from that, I am just THRILLED that you managed to keep Pearl and Rocky together up until Pearl's death! You have no idea how often I lament how people callously rip feline mothers and their babies apart, AS IF their family relationships mean nothing to them!! There is VERY little or no effort normally made, even by the best no-kill rescue organizations, to keep these families together, and I can easily imagine how heartbroken these mother cats become. So while I don't know how young or old Rocky is, I can still say I'm so thankful he at least got to grow up still WITH his mother for a time. How few cats are ever that fortunate? Yes, about My Rocky - he is vocal, and I do pet him a lot, even more, I shower him with so much love that when he manages to get his little self of my hugs, he spends at least ten minutes bathing his precious little self......sooooo cute!!!!! Oh, yes, in my utopic world Mommies and Babies would never be separated!!!!! It was a blessing they spent their lives together, but I have to say that it was my stepson's idea - because when she had her litter (when my husband and my stepson found her she was pregnant), so my stepson chose Rocky and my husband gave Baby Pearl's other furrybabies to a veterinary clinic who told him they help find good homes for them. I do hope so. So, they found Baby Pearl in 2002 and she was pregnant and had Rocky, so I calculate Rocky is 15 years old now. In 2002 I had not met my husband, yet; I was living in Brazil and I met him in 2005. Yes, that “responsibility” pain can be immense…but only if someone IS a really responsible type! If you weren’t, you just wouldn’t care that much, if at all! So at the very least, I say give yourself some more credit here by acknowledging how wonderfully responsible a mother you are! I know that won’t ease the pain much, but it’s still a part of the process of healing inner wounds, so it needs to be brought into solid awareness. Wouldn’t it be worse if you hadn’t cared that intensely? Sure, you wouldn’t be suffering so now, but your furbabies, including your Baby Pearl, wouldn’t have received the same kind of love (and yes, overall care) as they did from you all along. Now I'm really crying - it is a mix of sadness and gratitude!! Thank you for your wonderful words, Maylissa!!! I can rest in peace with one thing: I really give her (and give the others) all my love, my unconditional love and attention!!!! Again I say, you needn't accept responsibility for not knowing it was a snow-job we’ve all been fed about vaccines. If even so many vets still believe in the nonsense out there, and have been advised by the drug manufacturers to use doses of vaccines in the SAME AMOUNTS for a Great Dane as for a tiny puppy or kitten or cat, how is that OUR fault or responsibility?! Is it our fault these vets don’t think for themselves? If anyone is to be blamed, first in line are drug companies, and those who support their lies. Second in line would be those vets who can’t even read and follow the instructions provided on ALL vaccine packages that say a vaccine should never be given to ANY animal who is already unhealthy in any way, yet they give it regardless. Again, how is that our fault? It’s NOT. You are NOT to blame for not being given informed consent. That principle and legal right, is not meant only for humans, but I’d bet such nonsense would be argued in court, as if non-human lives weren’t just as worthy. I and others have been patiently waiting for the public to finally catch up by getting informed. We should all be outraged, but not at ourselves, because we never asked to be lied to or to be denied this full informed consent. Human history is fraught with the greatest deceits perpetrated upon its own kind, and this is part and parcel of it all. Once you know the background of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world, it all becomes very clear how we’ve been so stupendously duped and manipulated for profit. Ohhhh, I am so full of hatred and anger towards drug companies and the vets that do not put our Furry Babies in the first place - greed and financial advantage should never be in some vets' minds!! To this day, I think that if I saw that vet again, I would need a lawyer.............a very good one, or I would spend my last days in jail. The reasons you may have been led into this harsh lesson through this tragedy is anyone’s guess. For myself, personally it’s a Big Picture reason, I believe. I have always had a bent for deep thinking, learning, great curiosity, philosophy, discernment, etc., and therefore growth, in a word. Why that is more spurred on by pain instead of pleasure, is as complex a question as anything involving humans, and my own personal nature…not easily answered in a sentence or two. So your own life picture is likely equally complex. I can't thank you enough for your words, Maylissa!! Having a bent for deep thinking, learning, great curiosity, philosophy, discernment, etc., and therefore growth, in a word.... I add WISDOM to that!!!! You have no idea how much you have taught me (and many others, I'm sure) since the very first message you sent me!!!!! I am so grateful for the immense knowledge you share with me, and us all!!!!!! My faith has once more been shattered to bits, and so I stumble, just as most of us do during trying times. I couldn't agree more!!!!!! ----------------------------------------------------- To speak to your last post, unfortunately, there is no such pretending around animals. They don’t do those human games, and that is why they are such accurate mirrors for us and our issues. They see/sense what is really in your energy field and the “vibes" in their environment, and there is no hiding that from them. They are naturally attuned to all that, as we are as well, but most people have been desensitized to it. Yes, Animals are the purest beings on Earth!! They are all Angels!! When I look into an Animal's eyes, all I feel is pure LOVE!!!!! Yes, they see and sense it all and, unfortunately, many of us became desensitized to what is not touchable. That said, acting as ifyou’re lighter or happier than you really are, can also help get you there a bit faster! Have some rousing PLAY with them as often as possible! Yes, I play with them all all the time, I talk to them and hug them!!! But it is bittersweet...because I can't stop thinking about My Baby Pearl....she deserved to be here, receiving all the hugs and belly and ear rubs, as well. But, I do give love to the other Babies, quite often!!!!! Another proven healing method is a cat’s purr, so take advantage of these magical frequencies and resonances! They get lovely strokes, you get some beneficial healing and calming back -- win-win! (so there’s also a sound reason cats purr to themselves when they’re ill) There is nothing in this world that can get me out of miserable feelings like playing with catties! I go to a new (NON-exploitive) cat cafe´for my “cat fix” every now and then, and help them get played with and hopefully adopted out that much sooner. Win-win-win. Thank you, again, Maylissa, for telling me this - I did not know Cats purr to themselves when they are ill..............awwww, Precious Little Ones!!!!! I could write a book with all the things I learn from you!!!! It is so nice that you go to the Cat Café and give those Precious Furry Babies some love and belly rubs!!!! That is absolutely awesome!!!!! Exactly, win-win-win!!!! ...... alcoholism certainly explains a lot of it..... Oh, yeah, that (alcoholism) is a whole other different hell I go through...............it is also deep, dark and scary!! I gave up, I don't even have the capacity/ability/strength to try to improve anything on that department. I just deal with him and all that happens, day by day. I wish he could stop abusing alcohol, but he said it is not my business. I’m so grateful for your compliments to my character, dear Monica. They help keep me believing in myself more often. My heart has been not just taken advantage of more times than I can count, but has been actively stomped on, particularly when I’m at my lowest points. And so I still have holes in my heart too, including over the deaths of other important things in life. Maylissa, the compliments I give you is just the TRUTH - you are wonderful, amazing and you have a heart of gold and love!!!!! You have to believe in yourself the same way I do - with intensity and strength!!!!!!! Please, do not let anybody else step on your heart, on your kind and beautiful soul - it is a sin for people to do that!!!!! Don't allow that anymore!!!!! I do hope that the holes in your heart can be filled with much love I am sending you, and feelings of gratitude for all that you do for us all and beautiful healing energy!!!!! Thank you, as always, for all your support and caring and wisdom!! You are a light in this dark world!!!! Love, gratitude and healing to us all, xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Monica

Dear Maylissa, thank you again and again so very much for your wonderful support, for your wisdom!! Also, thank you for telling me that it is a Document-series, not a website. I’m sorry I got it wrong by thinking it was a website! I can’t thank you enough for explaining about water to me - yes, I know the issue with bottles and the environment (that is 😞 so sad all the bad way we “people “ treat our beautiful Earth 🌏), but I recycle everything I can; however, I thank you for explaining to me about spring water!!! Yes, my Furbabies have glass or ceramic bowls!! I know plastic is not good!! Also, I thank you for the tip about the sunlight, I did not know that!! As far as My Rocky, oh yes, I shower him with love as always, but the only difference now is that my heart gets more tight when I pet, kiss and hold him!! But, when none of my Furbabies are around, I cry ; but I do my best to pretend I’m ok when they are around!! Yes, it is too soon- one year, four months and two days- so I do have a whole lot to process; I’m even questioning why God let that happen in the first place.....to teach me a lesson??? To teach me about rabies shot????? And, I also feel that “more has died in me than has ever been restored, or re-birthed”. Your sentence is perfect for me, it describes me. I will try to take the same perspective you did. I just wish I could go back in time. I think everyone should have this gift - go back in time and act differently, with the new information available!! My husband, oh boy, it is difficult, he is controlling, I think it has to do with his alcoholism; I know how to deal with that just so I don’t have any trouble!! Unfortunately, I kinda have my hands tied up, my freedom is partial, but I don’t have any emotional conditions to care about that, all I can think and feel now is this immense hole in my heart. I want you to know that your stories do give me hope and support!! You are a fantastic person!!! And please don’t let anyone take advantage of your beautiful heart, which is made of pure love!!! I, again and again, thank you for all the good you share with the world 🌎!! Until next time, my friend xoxoxo monica

Dear Kayc, I hope you are having a wonderful day!! I want you to know that I’m very grateful for all the messages you sent me. A little while ago when I was typing an answer to Maylissa, on the top of my phone a message said that you had sent me a message; so when I finished my message to her, I was looking for your message in order to answer it; but I don’t find it. I don’t know if it was a mistake, but I really saw that on the top of my phone. So, if you sent me a message, would you mind sending it again, so I can read it and answer you?? I just don’t want to miss anything you want to send me. Also, I apologize for the inconvenience and trouble!! I wish you a great day and I’m very grateful for all your help!! xoxo monica, aka destroyed individual

Dear Maylissa , I’m sorry for my abrupt departure yesterday ; unfortunately my husband does not support me and he said he doesn’t approve of me trying to get help and says I’m ridiculous and so on and so on. But I am pretty sure that if I hadn’t joined this wonderful group, I would not be here anymore. I love to read your words and Marty’s and KayC’s words - I am eternally grateful for your support. Thank you so much for sending me the website - I’m going to visit it , in the future; I’m forever destroyed by my action (killing my Precious Baby Pearl), it has been one year, four months and two days and I miss her with all my destroyed heart and shattered soul. I give them bottled water, because we live in an area where there are wells, so we buy bottled water for us and my Furkids. I have been having migraines much more frequently and I’m forever destroyed; I know,Maylissa, that something died inside of me. And I thank you for letting me talk about it. The guilt and pain are immense and I die again every time I hold Rocky, her son. They didn’t deserve any of that and I’m eternally sorry for what I did. Not knowing what happens once they cross over is hard; I want to know if she has reincarnated; where she is; if people are good to her, etc; that is why I’ll contact an Animal Communicator to talk to her and beg for her forgiveness. I need her to be with wonderful people. Maylissa, I hope the cold goes away soon!! Fall weather is here, so please stay warm!! I can’t thank you enough for the fact that you write to me!! xoxoxo monica, aka destroyed individual.

Dear Maylissa, There is no need to apologize at all - the fact that you write to me is a huge present to my soul!! You are busy and the most important thing is that you concentrate on improving your health!!!!! I hope this cold goes away soon!!!!! (By the way, I started typing another answer, but I don’t know what I did with these Keyes, it seems I lost it, so I’m retyping it). I just want you to know that you and Marty are two wonderful people that I’m eternally grateful for!! Oh no my husband arrived, I’ll continue later!! I’m sorry about that!!! Love and gratitude!!!

Dear Kayc, I want to repeat what I said before: thank you so much for sending me that cute and wonderful video !! I love to watch it!! I'm having a good week, which simply means that I am not having migraines!! So, it is easier to deal with the sadness and emptiness I feel. Yes, you are right: I love My Baby Pearl and I would do anything for her; unfortunately, I did something horrible for her.......I do hope she doesn't feel pain anymore!! KayC, thank you for your wonderful message and I wish you a great day!! monica