Mrgillamadrid

Thank you all for your answers. I've been trying to keep active and trying new things. I enrolled in a boxing training program to get exercise and to release all this stress as well as starting yoga. Yesterday we met one more time to discuss things such as who takes what and finalized last details. This past days without her have been difficult but also I've been doing ok, surprisingly enough I feel that I've been doing much better than when I broke up my first relationship, who lasted for almost 4 years. We talked about us and how we were doing, it hurts that we not only lost our relationship, it also hurts because we were the best of friends. We still have so much love for each other, but I understand that she needs to continue without me in her journey and I do too without her, as our future plans are different. She is moving to LA next June to pursue her goals and I am staying here where I am to pursue mine donde I don't have intentions to moving there, not anytime soon. It hurts that the timing is not the right one and I must let her go. I do however wish to continue our friendship from the bottom of my heart, it's just that like I told her, right now it is impossible, right now honestly dont want to see her because I am not over her and so is she. All of this caught us by surprise, we always thought that we were each other's person for the rest of our lives. I told her that hopefully our hearts heal faster because I don't want to loser her completely, as I also love her as my best friend and that is something the both of us want to keep. I understand that the love that I feel has to be like that, and right now I can't do it but I know that eventually I will. Needless to say it was very tough after I saw her, even though I was doing pretty good this past days without seeing her, the wound is still too fresh in both our hearts.

The pain is so excruciating, it seems unbearable at times. It comes and goes, but when it comes it hurts like hell. I have anxiety that I won't be able to find anyone else in my life, that this pain is going to be here forever, I feel so alone, I just want to go back home to our house and hug her, but i know I can't, I know it won't change things, only make them worse. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. I am not Ok and I don't know how to fix myself.

Thank you very much for your answer. Me and my partner decided to break the relationship for good, as her pain is too much for her to handle and that also caused her to unravel other things inside of her. She has a lot of growing up to do and to learn how to fend for herself first before she can even be in a relationship. We first argued about many things, including why is she deciding to block me off of her life, and after I caught her in a lie. She told me she spend the night at her sisters house, which was untrue because I met with her that morning to talk about her, which led me to believe that she was probably cheating on me with one of her coworkers. When I came back home that morning, I saw the guy waiting for her outside and she stormed out of the house because she had a meeting somewhere. When I asked her where did she spent the night that´s when she told me she was at her sisters, which was a lie, and the guy was the one who took her to her appointment, as I saw her leaving and trying to hide in the car. I just waited for her to come back so we can just put an end to this. She came back and we started to argue. She said she spent the night at a friend´s house and asked this guy for a ride, but didn't sleep with him. When I asked why was she hiding in the front seat she said because she didnt want me to see her because I jump to conclusions too fast, which can be true but when I am put in this room with all the lights turned off it just makes me wonder, I only have my mind to make sense of things. She then stated that I never fought for her, which really upset me and I could not believe it, when I tried so hard to get close to her only to be shut down, to which later as we talked she did take that back and told me she was sorry, she did in fact accept that I did in fact fought for her and she didn't know why she said that in the first place. We vented and talked more and we ended the relationship in a very positive tone, but despite all the love that we have for each other, she is simply emotionally unavailable, as well as she has the need to discover more about herself and learning how to be alone first before she can even be in a relationship, she is 20 years old and I get that, life just starts at that age and you have to do a lot of soul searching to find you. I also need some things to work on, such as finding a true passion and also maybe finding a productive hobby, which I agree since with this depression I kinda fell into a routine that only consisted from work/house. I do not have anger or bitterness towards her, we live beautiful moments together and we learned so much from each other, we just simply accept the fact that the timing is not right for us, no matter how much love there is between us. She has serious growing and grieving to do and I have to work on some aspects of my life. She then confessed to me that after the lease is over she is going to move out to LA, a place in which I always said that I didn't want to live in just because its way too crowded, and that has been always a dream of hers. I am not completely opposed to moving there, I just feel that where I am right now I have unfinished business and I can have the opportunity to do great things for myself, such as start my own business. Perhaps I can find my true passion alone. Perhaps our paths will cross again, and if we are both available we can give our love another shot, perhaps we will find different people that will makes us happy once again. We are also the best of friends and I cannot hate her for this moment she is going through. It causes a profound pain in me, my heart is broken and so is hers, but I realized that this void in me is also because I need to feed my soul and find spirituality, so I can be at ease with myself first. It hurts to let my lover and best friend go, but I accept that is necessary, as I also need someone by my side who is emotionally available, and she is not at this time. I wish to continue as friends, but at the moment I don´t think that it is possible, I cant bear the pain of losing her at this time.

Where do I begin: My girlfriend lost her father on September 2015, a month before we met each other and started a friendship. That friendship flourished and eventually we started dating on January of next year and it was the beginning of something great. We moved in together and our relationship grew even stronger, it was the healthiest, most wonderful relationship the both of us have been. After the loss of her father, the rest of her family (grandparents and sister) were mourning greatly. She kept a strong persona to help everyone else during this time of distress. She seemed very strong and at ease after the loss, but now it seems that grief is finally catching up to her. I noticed my girlfriend being more aloof, wanting to spend time by herself, which I thought it was normal since everyone needs that from time to time, however she became more and more distant, more quiet, then I began to worry and wondered what was going on. One day we took a walk and she confessed that she was grieving her father now that she felt that everyone was in a better place after the loss, and she felt like she could take a step back and mourn. Things between us started to deteriorate, not because I was not giving her time, but because I realied that she was completely shutting me off her life and only wanted to hang out with some of her friends and her sister, which she is very close. Soon our talks began to be very trivial and lacked the deep connection that we had since day 1. We barely see each other, the only thing she wants to do is to be out there with friends and family, basically keeping herself busy which I understand, but she is leaving me alone and doesn't want to talk to me about the issue. On we birthday I took the day off work to be with her, only for her to make plans ahead of time and plan a quick day trip with some of her coworkers, leaving me alone once again. That night she came back and she seemed to be opening up tómame, apologizing for what she was doing to me and acknowledging that she has left me alone in the relationship. I just stood by her side and told her that everything will work itself out, that I love her and I understood, but I expressed that I wanted her to communicate her feelings to me, that I want to be involved in this process and that I wanted to share the pain she has, because as her boyfriend, it is my responsibility to be there when she needs help the most and to be her rock. After that nothing much has changed, communication got even worse and it really started to tear me apart. We then had an argument about why is she still shutting me off and forgeting about me, again, I don't want her or expect her to be how she was before, all I want is for her to open up and get close to me, because I am prepared to share this burden she has, I want to help her regain herself. She only kept saying that she doesn't know how to do that and that she doesn't want to hurt me, which then I expressed that by shutting me off her life she was actually really hurting me. Then I asked why is she only shouting me off but she hangs out with others, to what she claimed that when she is with friends is easier to distract herself as she doesnt talk about the issue and it is really hard for her to do this to me, a person she feels that she has such a deep connection and it is more than just a friend talk. After more talk I suggested that maybe if I moved out to my sister's house for some time will give her more space to herself, and she kind of took it wrongly, but then agreed that maybe it wasn't that bad of an idea, we are still together but we are kind of in a break since she is emotionally unavailable at the moment and I have to respect that. We hugged and we both cried, I cried and cried because I don't want to lose her, she is my soulmate, we have been through so many things together and our relationship was so great and beautiful, I could not believe what was happening to us, I can see that she doesn't want to end things and neither do I, but she won't open up to me and she keeps blocking me off that subject. I am in a lot of pain, it hurts so bad watching the love of your life going up in flames and there is nothing I can't do about it, our relationship is taking a huge blow and I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I am losing faith, my days are long and all I think is how I can help her regain herself. It tears me apart that I have to settle for just a small conversation and a goodbye kiss every day she leaves to do things to distract herself. I don't want to leave her, how could I, I love her so much, I don't want to leave her knowing how much pain she has and how beautiful our relationship was before grief found it's way. I understand that she is entitled to her pain, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but she doesn't talk to anyone except her sister about it.