kayc

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About kayc

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

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Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

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  1. Nothing like a beautiful baby to brighten our day!
  2. My dear Butch, You have not had time to grieve and learn about the grieving process the way we have. Your life has been consumed by one tragedy after another, each one demanding your attention and enlarging your grief. Is it any wonder you are feeling the guilt that comes with grief? Pretty much all of us has felt that...the "what ifs", it is so common with grief. Almost as if we are trying to rewrite the ending with a different outcome. We wonder, "What if I had ____ instead of ____? Fill in the blanks. The truth is, the outcome would likely have been the same and if anyone should own some guilt, it is the medical personnel that misdiagnosed to start with. We cannot be expected to know the diagnosis when we ourselves are not trained medical personnel, that is why we defer to doctors and their medical tests! There is nothing in this world that you or I would not have done for Mary and George. Nothing! We would have given our very lives for them, and gladly so! No, you are not at fault here. I hope you will read these articles and take to heart what they are saying. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/guilt-and-regret-in-grief.html http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/04/what-is-complicated-grief.html Marty just posted in Articles under Tools for Healing a list of 55 ways to grieve https://grievewellblog.wordpress.com/2017/06/28/55-grief-coping-strategies/...it is not meant to be an exhaustive list, it is not meant to grade us, you might do all of the things on this list or none of them, but it is just there to offer suggestions you might not have thought of, also when we check off the list we can see just how much we have done to help us through our grief. I saved the list to simplify finding it and will post it for you here. Credits can be found in the link above. 55 Strategies for Coping with Grief.docx In addition, I've compiled my own list of Tips to Make Your Way Through Grief, linked here.
  3. Marita, You are too kind to his family, just saying, if it was me, I would be keeping the ashes, you are his widow! Usually we don't like the term widow, but to me it has an elevated status of position along with wife. You were his chosen...wife in life, widow in death. Regardless, #1. There are places that create diamonds from our deceased's ashes, I would have that done, they can have the rest, and honestly, you are being kind in giving any ashes to them, they are yours to do with as you will. Keep a thimbleful in a glass container, yours to look at if you want, but there with you. I'm sorry you are forced to go through all of this alone. I live my life alone and it is hard enough without the things you are facing alone. My heart goes out to you and I hope you feel the hugs I am sending to you!
  4. Thank you, Marty, I've saved this "list"; it might be helpful for people to peruse and see how much grief work they HAVE done, also to glean ideas for things they may not have tried or considered.
  5. Sometimes people (books) can knock the faith right out of you! Remember to go with what resonates with YOU, not someone else...people can be wrong. I hope your prior thinking returns, someone else just shouldn't have the power to damage us that way.
  6. It helps to have validation for how we are feeling, what we have experienced. Anne, I wait with you for your results, please keep me abreast. (((hugs)))
  7. At 12 years I can honestly say that some of my brain returned, although it has never been the same as it was "before". I was better at my job "before". It's like it damaged my brain! But little by little it began returning, even though not wholly intact. As to when this happens, it's different for everyone. It took me a year to be able to watch t.v. It took me ten years to become fully engaged in reading a book cover to cover. I still struggle with work (Office Mgr/Bkpr) because it requires a lot of brain/thinking, a lot of details, a lot of being in charge of things, intricate details and that's the hard part. I no longer trust myself to do as good a job as I once did, I used to have such confidence in doing a perfect job!
  8. Grief does that to our brain. It's very hard to focus/remember/think. Go easy on yourself!
  9. Hmm, that seemed a little condescending. I'm 12 years out and I talk to George all the time! I don't think I'm strange for it or even out of the ordinary. I'm not sure why you feel like Billy doesn't hear you when you used to feel he did. When/Why/What changed?
  10. Wow! A LOT of interesting topics!
  11. Everyone handles it differently. I just try to survive it, I'm alone in this and that makes it harder. I wish my kids lived here. I just went through my husband's bdy (June 14) and anv of death day (June 19), it's a tough week, that and my dad's bdy/parent's anv (June 10), they're both gone too. June is tough for me! Crawling under the covers and waiting the day out sounds good to me if you don't have to work. On the other hand, distractions seems to kill time and make it pass faster.
  12. I've always written things down, live by lists. When George died, it affected my brain, seriously. We have been through so much trauma, is it any wonder it affects us physically?
  13. That is so special. My parents also had quite the love story, although my dad died way too young (62). Enchiladas! I'll be right over!
  14. I'm glad things are going well for you. Thank you for sharing your love story with us, I love hearing how people met and their early days of falling in love.