kayc

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About kayc

  • Rank
    KayC
  • Birthday October 7

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

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Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

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  1. George, I have that book Boundaries, it is a good one! We have to decide what is right for us and convey it to others and let them deal with themselves. Gosh it can be hard when they emotionally react because we care about them, but knowing what is right and doing it frees us from their reaction, so to speak.
  2. Monique, I am so sorry for your loss. I also live alone with my dog and cat, and know how much we come to love them. My dog is very large and already nine, it scares me. I'm sorry your Bisou had Diabetes, very hard for them to live with. I wish you some comfort.
  3. I call it having learned to coexist with my grief. Maybe I am better at compartmentalizing, or maybe I've learned to blend both joy and grief. It doesn't require explanation or justification, it suffices only to know it "is" and accept it. Patty and Steve, I hope you have a great weekend! Try not to think about what others think, in the end I've learned not to give a rat's fig about what others think of my life, it's what matters to you that counts, you're the one living it.
  4. Marg, I think you're anything but boring!
  5. Maryann, Bottom line, you have to do what is right for you and I totally understand your wanting to become Jewish after being around it for years. It will be hard for her to learn that you are a person separate from her, but it's something she needs to learn. Sometimes it's hard to see the difference between caring and controlling, my mom was like that, always wanting in charge of everything and wanting us to check in with her, sometimes it wasn't feasible. I read a book called Emotional Blackmail and that helped me a lot in dealing with her...not saying she's like that, but it brings up those feelings. I wish you well in your conversion!
  6. These two statements stood out to me. You have faith, but you have no proof. It wouldn't be faith if you had proof! Faith is exercised in our belief, not in something tangible like proof. it's hard to explain but faith is the best thing I have.
  7. There was a man in our church that had outlived two wives...he started seeing an 82 year old lady in our church and was kind of moving fast (this was right after his wife died) and she said she wanted to slow it down and he said, "At my age I don't have TIME to slow it down!" They got married, she was 82, him a little older. They were so happy together! It lasted several years until she too died. Now he's 93 and so forlorn and lonely. He knows he's done, marriage is a thing of the past, he's grieving, perhaps for them all. We all kind of wondered at this hastened marriage, but looking back now, we're so glad they had the time they did together. It's the only time Beth was truly loved by a man, she'd been married once before but not treated right. And I'm glad they didn't have to face old age alone. At least he has his kids and his church family looking in on him. I don't think it's something we should judge, even if we might wonder if it's being rushed a bit. If they make a mistake, it's their's to make.
  8. Oh Butch, those pictures are just adorable! I love the one of the back of her neck, that is so sweet and precious! And this one in her cute cap is one of my favorites! She looks much happier when her teeth aren't bothering her! Marg, you and Butch have the problem of no time for yourselves, while I am left alone on my own completely, never hearing from my daughter, and not often enough from my son. If only there was a happy medium!
  9. This is a delicate situation to handle. Reason tells us she is overly worried and about what? Everyday occurrences we all face (driving to work) cause her concern so that she needs reassured you're okay? My mom would get like that too only out of control issues, I'd try to tell her, "Mom, I'm 45, don't call my dentist, or my friends either!" I had to put my foot down with her. But she was my mom, she had to forgive me and get past it. It's a little touchier with a mother-in-law. From what you've told us, she sounds like a sweet, caring person, I know you don't want to hurt her feelings. You can start with telling her how much you appreciate her, how you couldn't have made it without her, but you need to try your wings and be on your own a bit...you still need her and want her in your life, but you don't want to have to check in with her daily, maybe weekly. I hope it goes well, I know you don't want to hurt or offend her, you value her, but you just want to be treated like the capable adult that you are!
  10. Cookie, You adored him and everything you did proceeded out of that love. I think we second guess ourselves until we're our own worst enemy instead of advocate! I've often wished George would have been at home that fateful weekend instead of in the hospital, I could have been by his side and just been with him as he died instead of them throwing me out and locking the door and beating on him trying to get his heart working, how horrible and painful that must have been for him! And all for naught as he died anyway. But, had he died at home I would have always wondered if they could have saved him and would have beat myself up guilt wise. I think we're just really hard on ourselves no matter what we do or don't do. You loved him, let that be enough.
  11. As much as we don't want to be judged, we need to be careful not to judge someone else for responding differently than we do...we all make our way through this grief in our own way. I've never been one to go to bars so that would never be my cup of tea, but I can't judge someone else for trying to find comfort where they may. I don't trust anymore, I have good reason for it, and for me, I prefer not to go looking for someone. If God wanted me to have someone, He knows my address. That's just me. I don't trust internet dating either but can't fault someone else for trying it. Just not me. I figure I've had the best, and it'd be a pretty tall order to fill if someone wanted to come in behind him, just think the likelihood of that happening is akin to winning the lottery I never play.
  12. Dr Lenera, Perhaps instead of stating you don't believe, you could change that to "I don't know what there is"...part of keeping yourself open for possibilities. You're already kind of there when you state its a concept that touches you deeply. As you say, it's good to be open. There's much we won't "know" until we're there. Until then, we're using Marg's Mustard seed faith (she has a necklace with a mustard grain in it).
  13. Gin, I've had a cyst on my eyeball for seven years, it flares up and when it's big it's painful and uncomfortable. Not just when I blink, but all the time. It distorts my vision and causes chronic eye infections. My insurance won't pay for it and I was hoping I could wait for Medicare (seven more months) but I can't. They've had me on eye drops to keep it down but I did some research and found they can cause glaucoma, so I'm ready to be done with this. Unfortunately, it can grow back, which is why I haven't had it removed when I had insurance through my job, but I will just have to deal with it, as many times as it comes.
  14. I also felt George pulling away that fateful weekend, it's as if he knew he was going to die and was focused on absorbing that fact and preparing for the transition. Maybe this is something they have to do on their own.