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kayc

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About kayc

  • Rank
    KayC
  • Birthday October 7

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

Contact Methods

  • ICQ
    0

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I lead a grief support group and I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

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  1. Marie, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it, June is my month (dad's bdy, parents' anv, George's bdy, George's death day -also on Father's day), it's hard when those dates pool up, hard to get through, but fortunately time has a way of going by even while hard to go through. Polly, It just goes to show no matter how well we think we're doing, it can hit at any time. Sorry! Nice picture, you and your daughters?
  2. Sean, It is beautifully done, a tribute to her, and it's neat that you will share a spot with her. I know it's not "her", but still the body she inhabited was familiar to you for so many years, it is special all the same.
  3. A true blessing! I wish I could find one!
  4. I like this quote, I can relate to it. Cookie, I do understand, the wasp sting I got 1 1/2 weeks ago was so bad...if I were closer to medical help I would have sought it, but instead chose to treat it myself...this is the first indication I had of being allergic to them and between that and my injuries from my fall 2 1/2 months ago, I am much more limited in what I can tackle around here. It does leave us feeling vulnerable and in need of their help, which of course isn't there anymore.
  5. Cookie, I could have penned what you wrote, only I don't get to see or talk to my daughter much either. I never would have foreseen that my life would turn out like this but it has.
  6. My father's ashes

    I would explain to them just what you've said. Honestly, settling an estate is a headache few would want and I would think they'd be appreciative of everything you've done. That said, they haven't done this, so they can't possibly understand how difficult and complicated it's all been. When my brother settled my mom's estate, he gave none of us an accounting of anything, not even an inkling. We never demanded it, we knew this had all been a thankless job that in addition to raising his family and working three jobs was very very difficult. We appreciated everything he'd done for my mom. Maybe there was something left over and he got it...he earned it. I do wish he'd seen fit to share an item or two with each of us to remember her by, but quite honestly, I've lived into my sixties without having these things and I can continue to do so...I have memories, they will have to suffice.
  7. Ms

    I'm sorry you're going through this, it has to be hard, especially after seeing him this long. I agree with Marty, that scattering his wife's ashes was a huge trigger. I hope he'll realize that he will always feel these feelings he has for her and that it needn't preclude his having another relationship. In time the two can learn to co-exist. My best friend lost her spouse 7 1/2 years ago and met someone else who had a similar time line 2 1/2 years ago and they got married, they are very happy together. They both realize they will always cherish their departed spouse, they keep a picture of them up and don't feel threatened by that but rather understand each other all the more with their loss and their newfound happiness. They've been married a couple of years now and are very happy so I know it can be done, so long as they both respect the prior relationship and realize the significance of not only that relationship, but their current one.
  8. Cookie, my response is the same as Sean's, not everyone has the same relationship even though they lost a spouse, their attachment was not like ours. Some lost a mediocre relationship, we lost our soulmate, big difference. And we read about others who have lost a parent or even a dog and they feel the same as we do because their relationship was so entwined on a daily basis, they were close, they did everything together. I know some of you can't relate to that, but I am thinking of actual losses I've seen people write about, and I assure you, that even though some of our relationships differ and we really can't compare, they can relate to some of the things we are feeling and saying. I know when I lose my dog the loss is going to be huge. I can't say it'd be the same as losing George, of course our relationship was deep on every level, including some you can't have with a dog, but I've come to enjoy and rely on my dog being in my life and filling a void that I'd otherwise have and to lose him on top of losing George, that would be hard to handle...yet I know it's around the corner, maybe in 2-3 more years, I hope not...but whenever it comes, I dread that day. Do you guys think about these things now that you've suffered loss, like I do? I used to just take life for granted and not consider when I might lose someone or lose an animal, but now it's like in the back of my mind, I can't take life for granted anymore, I know death is coming, I just don't know for sure when.
  9. It made me feel like just hanging it up and not coming on grief forums. I spend all this time there to HELP people and give them assurance, not depress them. I want them to know it doesn't stay as intense as in the beginning, I want them to know it evolves, I want them to realize it's not just doing time, we have to put in a lot of effort and work. I want them to know their life is in their hands, it's what they create of it. But to expect me to be "over it" or not feel the loss, even after 12 years, that's unrealistic, I will ALWAYS miss George, how could I not?! This was a new griever, whom I reckon was looking to be told they'd feel better in X amount of days and life would be great again. I won't lie to anyone.
  10. Healing

    I know it sounds morbid and I wouldn't tell most people this but I know you guys understand, it does feel like a prison sentence and I feel like each day I'm marking off another day I won't have to do. That doesn't mean that all days are bad or depressing, there are days I enjoy, I try to create my life in a way I can enjoy it, but the bigger pull is getting to be with George again and I can't wait! (Well I will but you know what I mean)
  11. George, I'm sorry your dad says things without thinking about how they sound to you. I know it stings. What, it's supposed to make you feel better to be told you don't have a family? What the hell is he? I'm sorry, I don't get people sometimes. And that it's exactly 2 1/2 years...that just drives it home all the more. (((hugs)))
  12. Healing

    In the last 1 1/2 years my son stopped by once to pick up something, other than that I have had zero "visitors". I spend my holidays alone. George was the "fun" one, the sporadic one, the one in charge of our social life. I go places, I see people, but I can't say as there's anyone that really cares. If I died my kids would mourn a bit but it really wouldn't affect their everyday lives except for the inconvenience of having to settle my estate. My sisters would miss me but none of them visit me. I don't dwell overly on it, but it's nothing like the life George and I shared together. We used to go camping, go for drives, take walks, go to the coast, even just watching a movie and sharing a meal was special. How special is being alone?
  13. I've had fellow grievers who thought I should be "over it" because so many years have gone by. I was told I was depressing, gave despair, by one griever. They don't want to realize that there isn't an expiration date on grief. They think there should be some steps they can take and be over it, move on. I think I've done well to handle it as well as I have but I won't kid anyone, this isn't quick, this isn't easy, and it's never "over". I will miss George until the day I die! That doesn't mean I mope and cry all the time, I do my best to live as full a life as possible, but he is ALWAYS on my mind and in my heart! He is my soulmate and best friend and even death cannot separate us!
  14. Ms

    It's very emotional to scatter the ashes of your spouse. You don't say how long it's been since he lost her. You can only go by what he says though and respect his wishes. In the future, I'd go slower especially with a widower, so you don't invest so much of yourself only to get hurt or disappointed. If it's a fresh loss, he may not know his own mind yet and his emotions are probably all over the place, and he may feel guilty for getting into a relationship.
  15. Healing

    I don't know who, that works for Google, wrote this description/definition, but they don't know much about grief. Time alone does nothing to heal grief. Healing is a process, not an event.
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