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My dad, always did things top notch. A Navy Seabee diver, first to install central heat and A’c so earned his degree and started first central unit businesses. When retiring his business 40 + years later he then gave his time to Veterans and knights of Columbus holding highest position for many years. The dad/ hero I grew up knowing would have not taken his own life. In fact I attempted the prior year, and my dad told me the many reasons to never give Up. if I change/ interfere w Gods plans for me, I’ll never know if tomorrow would have been the day I was waiting for . The answer that made life worth living!! I’m sad that my dads cause of death will be suicide by gunshot. He fought so many battles but he never showed outward signs of any struggles. He did not give up. My dad was an 84 year old Retired Navy diver, very successful business owner for 40 years. He played Taps at countless veteran gravesites, tirelessly raised money for the veterans and K of C, volunteered at our church. He died at home while watching a Saints game and cleaning a gun. He was also talking to my mom. The gun was discharged accidently, by my dad, striking him in his chest. He died within minutes In tne arms of his loving wife of 60 years. Dad I miss you so much!!! After all, I knew you all of my life!!

...hello. Please... Help me. At the end of May, I lost my 4 1/2 year old Java Sparrow, Patter, to illness. She suddenly had a lump in her neck one day. I took her to the vet. He vet gave us medicine.... The lump started shrinking immediately. She showed no signs of being ill- ate happily, went about her normal activities, never seemed in pain. Which was why both the vet and I were so shocked that one day, a little under 2 weeks after starting the medicine, I came home to find her at the bottom of the cage. She, like her cage mate Pitter, was hand tamed, sweet and loving, enjoyed super kisses- the kind of little fluff ball that curled up in my hands to fall asleep. It was so shocking... She'd been so normal the whole time.... I couldn't understand. And Pitter seemed a little lost- though both girls, they had bonded very strongly. She suddenly began a bad habit of panic screaming, especially in the morning. And on top of that, I moved, so she was afraid of the new surroundings... I was so worried about her... Despite my utter, black grief, and that I knew I wasn't ready, I decided to try and buy her a friend to calm her down. About a month later, I started crying at work and had to leave early because I simply couldn't stop. As I was walking through the corridor to the train, I suddenly remembered the bird shop nearby and wound up with a new, bright little boy I named Tuk... He was even younger than Pitter and Patter when I got them, only a month. I syringe- fed him, and he was so super attached to me... He followed me everywhere. He never stopped moving. I couldn't move without him reacting. I nursed him through a sudden weakness, he fought so hard, he recovered even stronger. He had a habit of shadowing my feet. I had to be very careful always when I moved, because he was like a little shadow. Two days ago... I turned from the cabinet to find my foot already descending on him. I panicked and tried to stop the stepping motion, and I lost my balance and fell. As I fell, he dived straight under my leg. It was over in 30 seconds. He fled to the other room when I got up, staggered, and slowly turned over on his back. My little baby boy, barely 3 months old... So full of life and energy... So trusting, just fully decked out in his adult colors.... Gone. Gone.... gone. And I did it. He should be hanging from my hair. He should be trying to follow me out the door. He should be singing his beautiful little song.... and now he's gone. And I am so....utterly.... lost.

I am so heartbroken and guilt ridden right now and I don't have anyone to talk to. A little back story, I live in the country and we get feral/dump off cats around here a lot. And me being the huge animal lover that I am will start feeding and taking care of them. We had two mother cats who both had litters this year, so we now have way too many. My plan was to try and good homes for these babies once they were old enough to be weaned. They stay around our back porch. These little guys follow around everywhere I go outside including when I go out to the car. Yesterday I went outside to get something from the car for a minute. I knew these kittens were following me and that they like to try to climb into the car when I had the door open, but I guess I just wasn't thinking. Without checking I shut the car door and felt something that prevented it from shutting. I opened it back up and saw one of the 8 week old kittens had climbed up into the doorframe and then fell out. It was such a horrid scene it wobbled around like something was on its head then I noticed its eyeballs had popped out. I picked it up for a second to see if I could do something and that's when it blood started squirting all over me. I laid it down and it starts convulsing and dies. All I could do was stand there and scream and yell for help. My husband never did get off his ass to go see what was wrong so I had to go back up to the house with blood on me and tell him. I can't get the image out of my head now. I so wish I could go back and redo everything but I can't. I should have looked before I shut the damn car door I knew better. I can't help but think I most be some kind of monster. Even though I wasn't planning on keeping these babies I still was very much attached to them. Their mother ran off when they were only 4 weeks old so I had to hand feed them for a couple of weeks until they they could start eating dry food. I used some of my families grocery money to by them formula so they wouldn't stave. I gave them shelter from the rain and checked up on them frequently throughout the day. I was just petting this sweet boy in my arms just like a minute before. It just happened so fast. I'm really struggling with all of it right now. It was probably the most traumatic thing I've seen yet. And I'm sorry for the graphic description but you can kind of get the idea of what keeps replaying over and over in my head. Will it ever leave my mind? And will I ever stop feeling guilty if I might find myself smiling or laughing? I feel like I don't deserve to be happy.

Hello. I'm new to this site, but I have found several of the topics and postings very helpful. I lost my 3 year old son in a tragic accident 2 months ago on July 12th. It has been a devastating time for my family and me. We are all grieving in different ways, so that makes it even harder. I do go to grief counseling and a compassionate friends group for parents who have lost children. I guess I'm looking for anyone else who has been in my similar situation, and experienced a sudden accidental death of their completely healthy, vibrant child, and how you have been able to pick up the pieces and go on with your life, when that child was your life. I was a single stay at home mom and he was my everything.

Growing up my dad wasn't around because he was doing drugs and was a drug dealer. He ended up going to prison for a few years. I've always had an intense longing for a relationship with my dad and we connected through myspace back when I was about 12. I ended up meeting him and we talked over the phone or on the internet ever since. I love him. My dad died in march very suddenly. He was in a car accident, I guess he lost control of his car and it flipped over into a ditch. I didn't find out until a week later. He hadn't been responding to my facebook messages and so I googled his name for some reason. I found the online news article detailing his car accident. I have so many conflicting emotions but I am mostly just depressed. I long to hug him and make sure he knows that I love him. I long for him so much I've spent like 150 dollars calling psychic mediums. I don't even know what I believe and if I am religious or not, I'm just desperate. At the same time I'm somehow still angry I guess because of his absence. The loneliness is killing me. When he was alive I was able to call him about my problems or just to catch up. I just want to call him. I keep thinking about the pain he was probably in. After he was discovered they took him to the hospital and he died later that night. I just imagine him laying in a ditch and I feel terrible. I wish there was something I could have done. He was all alone in pain. I feel so empty....also angry because no one on my dads side of the family messaged me or tried to get in contact with me about what happened, I had to read all the details from an article. And I won't be invited to my own dads funeral because no one in his family knows me ( but they know of me) :'(

The last few days have been hellacious for my family. I found a wonderful shelter to take one of my cats whom I couldn't keep in anticipation of a downsizing move and the same day as I was doing laundry, my other cat, Boo Boo, hopped into the dryer without my knowledge and, LORD GOD FORGIVE ME, I SHUT HER IN. My mom came running up the stairs after she found Boo Boo and I called the vet's office after she told me what had happened but it was too late. Boo Boo passed away in my mom's arms. She was a wonderful grey and white tabby, fat and loveable, I called her "the marshmallow cat," because of her size and wonderful personality. I hate what I did and losing two wonderful animals has been a hard blow in an already stressful time.