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My question tonight is: when a spouse [my Dad] dies do you continue to celebrate their wedding anniversary with the surviving spouse? Dad died less than 12 hrs after he & mom "celebrated" their 63rd wedding anniversary. Do we get Mom an anniversary card or just one saying "thinking of you'? We'll be going up there to be with her on the 26th & honor Dad as a family but I"m so used to automatically buying an anniversary card for her. Didn't see this question in any of the grief protocol pamphlets we received.

Today is my 21st wedding anniversary. It's also been 1 month to the day that I lost my soul mate, best friend, and the love of my life. I feel like a shell of a person walking and talking but not really there. Sometimes I even wonder if that life was a dream or if this life I am living now is a nightmare. I honestly have moments where I feel like I can't survive without him but I get up, I eat at least once a day, I take a bath, check my glucose, take my shots, do the housework and the cooking that I am able to do, I go to the grocery store, pay the bills, do the laundry, and I have been going through all Brian's belonging. For every item that leaves the house I feel like I lose him again. I had to take the sacks of his clothes and shoes to my daughters home because I just couldn't give them away. I may feel like I'm dying inside but only my pillows know the wracking sobs that happen at bedtime when he isn't there, the house is empty and quiet, and I don't here his content breathing in sleep.

July 4th will mark the one year anniversary of my mom's death. The date is looming over me causing me much anxiety and emotion. I haven't posted in a long time here. I've been doing well, involved with a wonderful support group with other women who also lost mothers. I don't cry every time I talk to my dad anymore (they were married 55 years!). But this one year date is really hard. Every thing is coming rushing back to me. Even the foods that people brought over that night and next day are fresh in my mind. Very weird. I'm not sure what you are supposed to do on that day. Do I go up to my dad's ( they live about 2 hours away)? Should I see if my dad wants to come to our house? I still haven't been to see the headstone. That's also looming over me. I just don't feel ready to do that- but will I ever? Just feeling very miserable right now.

As it gets closer to the 1 yr mark for Dads death I find myself really thinking hard about "if only I had known what I know now of what will happen in October at this time last year"... I would force Dad to get to a dr to be really checked out, I'd be up there constantly watching them both, I'd be forcing Mom to go to the Dr & get the diagnosis of her dementa & start making plans. Most of all I'd sit both of them down & ask SO MANY QUESTIONS & make sure I recorded them. I found out even more about Dad AFTER his death that I had no clue about when he was alive. Being the youngest of the family everyone sheltered me from things & perhaps unintentionally unincluded me in things. I want to go back & talk to him one more time. Normal? I really didn't think it would affect me this hard so early-I knew that week would be hell but not this soon.

Hello I have been a member of this group for over a year! It is hard to believe that an entire year has passed since the passing of the man I love. I have not posted for some time now. I am not sure why that is? Perhaps I am moving forward, though I know deep down in my heart I will never move too far away from my feelings and my grief. I am hesitant to use the term "anniversary". For me, the word is associated with happy times, ie, weddings, a special occassion that is rememberd, events that are signaificant in one's life. Although this meets the defination of "significant"..it can hardly be used to describe an event that turns your world upside down, shatters your heart into a million pieces, cuts into your very soul, and steals your dreams of the future. Still...it is to be remembered, cherished, and celebrated..not in the traditional sense but in a way that enables our loved ones memory to live on. And for me his memory has..and will continue to do so. There is not a day that goes by that he is not in my thoughts...in my day to day experience of surviving. I love him, he has my soul, my heart, my everlasting devotion. My life continues, but not with a vast deep empty hole. Today, I choose to remember the times I felt closest to him. I think of the problems, the highs and lows of our life together. I long for his touch. I know someday I will again be with him. I do "celebrate" his life..not in that traditional way, but with warm thoughts of his love. I will remember this anniversay...and in time it will not bring about the sadness and longing that it does today. In time I am hoping that it will serve as my reminder that life is precious and short..you don't know what the future holds..it will remind me to live everyday like it was the last...most of all it will remind me to never ever put off doing something, being with someone, sharing my love NOW...not waiting for everything to be perfect...or even close to it. I love you Dragon. Kimberly (Mik)