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...hello. Please... Help me. At the end of May, I lost my 4 1/2 year old Java Sparrow, Patter, to illness. She suddenly had a lump in her neck one day. I took her to the vet. He vet gave us medicine.... The lump started shrinking immediately. She showed no signs of being ill- ate happily, went about her normal activities, never seemed in pain. Which was why both the vet and I were so shocked that one day, a little under 2 weeks after starting the medicine, I came home to find her at the bottom of the cage. She, like her cage mate Pitter, was hand tamed, sweet and loving, enjoyed super kisses- the kind of little fluff ball that curled up in my hands to fall asleep. It was so shocking... She'd been so normal the whole time.... I couldn't understand. And Pitter seemed a little lost- though both girls, they had bonded very strongly. She suddenly began a bad habit of panic screaming, especially in the morning. And on top of that, I moved, so she was afraid of the new surroundings... I was so worried about her... Despite my utter, black grief, and that I knew I wasn't ready, I decided to try and buy her a friend to calm her down. About a month later, I started crying at work and had to leave early because I simply couldn't stop. As I was walking through the corridor to the train, I suddenly remembered the bird shop nearby and wound up with a new, bright little boy I named Tuk... He was even younger than Pitter and Patter when I got them, only a month. I syringe- fed him, and he was so super attached to me... He followed me everywhere. He never stopped moving. I couldn't move without him reacting. I nursed him through a sudden weakness, he fought so hard, he recovered even stronger. He had a habit of shadowing my feet. I had to be very careful always when I moved, because he was like a little shadow. Two days ago... I turned from the cabinet to find my foot already descending on him. I panicked and tried to stop the stepping motion, and I lost my balance and fell. As I fell, he dived straight under my leg. It was over in 30 seconds. He fled to the other room when I got up, staggered, and slowly turned over on his back. My little baby boy, barely 3 months old... So full of life and energy... So trusting, just fully decked out in his adult colors.... Gone. Gone.... gone. And I did it. He should be hanging from my hair. He should be trying to follow me out the door. He should be singing his beautiful little song.... and now he's gone. And I am so....utterly.... lost.