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Feb 6, 2023. For days I have been able to keep my emotions under control in dealing with the decision to put Bambaloo to rest. When the thought of sadness begins to enter my mind, I quickly distract myself with a project. Am I in the denial part of grieving, for the anger part is pretty much over. Second guessing is entering my mind, doubting my decision to end Bambaloo's life to quickly and making excuses to myself that other's pressured me to act quickly because she will get worse fast. No Diabetes is not a death sentence for dogs, but it surely doesn't help when a person cannot afford the supplies. The plan was to care for her without meds, change her diet, and let things run it's course. She was actually doing very well except for the cold weather. But repeatedly being told by the vets all the terrible things that could happen within days, such as her possibly going blind overnight. Or she could be in excruciating pain. Oh, it happened to someone else I was told sealing her life sentence. It didn't matter I read in more than one scientific paper on the subject of Diabetes in dogs, that they can live up to 2 years untreated. Of course, untreated will allow the other conditions associated with that disease to progress. Well, who really knows the facts? I listened to my vets, and I went into panic mode. The guilt hit me today when I saw her photo. Did I act to hastily? I knew there are so many grants out there to help people in need for vet bills. I found them. I just needed to fill some out. But my mind was in such a tizzy, I didn't know which way to turn or who to turn too for advice for everyone was saying put her out of her misery. Well, as I reflect, she wasn't in misery. In fact, she showed no signs of Diabetes other than drinking more water. She ate, she vomited a couple times probably because I gave her to much to eat. She had no pain other than the effect of the cold on her arthritis. I know second guessing only beats up my mind and in turn, my body. It makes my legs weak and walk in a slouched position. Her photo's take on a new meaning now. Did I cheat her? I did quickly buy her a steak and made her 'special' dinner. Did I lie to her? Did I trick her? It doesn't matter for what is done is done. I cannot bring her back and did in fact out of curiosity, look at other Australian Cattle dog photos last night. It's strange, that none had that look she had. I guess I was lucky. But, I have to continue on and learn from my actions. Whether they were hasty or not. Believe me, I did not sleep for 36 hours straight when the vet said, she MAY have Diabetes. She MAY have kidney failure. All the maybe's put me in a panic mode. Those nights I cried for I just didn't know what to do as she came and laid by me to comfort me. I did learn sadly, at her expense, not to just jump at the first signs of an issue and listening to others over my own judgement. Second guessing does not help at all. It will be awhile for me to move to the next step in grieving for my other dog has been affected by Bambaloo's disappearance. I cannot beat myself up over this and will move into the next level of acceptance. But in just a flicker of a candle's flame, I can be right back into anger mode. Oh well, it is another challenge to face in life.

PAW PRINTS IN THE SAND David Lasaine 2017 When you were alone, I was there. When the sun or set, I was there. We shared many wonderful memories, you and me. We laughed and played together. When you were sad, I was there. When you cried, I tasted your tears. When you faced death, I was there. When the darkest of times happened, I was there. When you slept...I protected you. When you shivered...I was your warmth. I asked not for much: a belly rub, my side and chin scratched. To be walked a few times a day. I put my life in your hands to care for me, to feed me...to love me. I served you with unconditional love and faithfully during my life. I know you suffer but as always you think of my well-being first. Thank you. I know you love me unconditionally. I will not be gone from you…ever. When we meet in the Spiritual World, we will play again and again. I know you will not forget me. I will be patiently waiting for you, and when it is Bailey’s time, we will be with Mitzy. We will become one in spirit forever when you arrive. Write the books about us. Don’t give up. Honor us to help others. Eternally Yours, Your Faithful Companion, Bambaloo McWigglybutt Lasaine Happy Life with Poppy 12/3/17 - 2/3/23

In August 2014 Heaven, a blue nosed pit bull was rescued from death row, starved, over bred and covered in bites and stage 3 heartworms. I always wanted a blue and from her photos I knew I wanted her... in December 2014 I took her home. She had many medical issues she had to fight due to her past and at the end of this past February I knew I was losing the best thing to ever happen to me. She had a lot of friends and I invited her friends to come see her to say goodbye, we thought we had a good week left but it turned into 2 days. My husband and I took her to our vet and they had a room prepared with a blanket for her, every vet tech was with us, I was nose to nose with her looking into her eyes, she knew exactly what was happening and I told her Dr to go ahead. This wasn't my first time losing a loved Pet in such a humane way, each one is different and as her Dr told me what she was doing I told Heaven how much I loved her, she let out a sigh layed her head on my arm and she was gone. The vet techs, even the Dr was crying with me and her daddy, she was that special. I didn't want to get her go, I played with her horribly cropped ears and held her til they began to cool sobbing into her fur. The week after she died was bike week, I saw so many people who loved her and I cherished each one of their hugs, I wanted to get lost in some, never let go. I just want to bury my head in a friends arms and sob. The day I saw the woman who rescued her she hugged me and I didn't ever want her to let go. Luckily she had important visitors so I had to, lucky for her that is. I know I'm not alone in my grief but I've been down this road before and none of the losses ever hurt like this. I'm so lost without her! She was my fur baby, the Best Thing I Ever Did, the smile on my face. Is it wrong to say that losing family members didn't even hurt like this? How do parents who lose children manage? Some days I feel like I'm going to fall completely apart and my husband will find pieces of me when he gets home. The more time goes by the worse the pain gets... I don't get it? I just want her back.... so bad.. We were recently interviewed and you can read about her life... http://www.ormondbeachobserver.com/photo-gallery/after-years-of-abuse-and-overbreeding-this-therapy-dog-has-found-herself-in-the-right-home-a-senior-home

In less than an hour we will be giving our little Latte a peaceful farewell from our home and helping her to transition to heaven. She will forever remain in our hearts and be a new angel in heaven watching over us. I'm so grateful to know of this website and look forward to making caring connections with other heart centered people.

I'm recently widowed, January 5th this year. One of my two cats died within days of my husband and now I have to come to terms with releasing my horse from his earthly body. It is just too much death, grief and sadness all in a short time. Losing my husband by suicide was very shocking to me and then for our Katie Cat to pass away so soon after was both very sad and very unreal. She was a very sweet old kitty. She loved to ride on the hood of the tractor when my husband was moving the manure pile or just put-put-putting around the property. They were quite a pair. They would sit together on the bench at the barn enjoying the sun or she would perch on a fence rail where he was standing. The last picture of either one was actually taken by my husband. It is a photo of their shadows on the barn wall. Huckleberry is 9 years old and is my other cat who is still missing Katie. I feel bad about that but I can't get another friend for her when my life is in this upheaval. I also have two dogs and two horses. My older horse has been with me for 12 years and he is in his 20's. He is a Standardbred pacer off the track. He had some injuries during his racing career that are now becoming a problem for him and for me. He isn't comfortable and it's just getting worse. He is a funny horse. I could try to sell him or give him away but to me that isn't acceptable because when I got him it was for his lifetime. I feel responsible to make the end of his life the best it can be and the only way to do that is for me to keep him in my care. My decision is made and now it is a case of waiting until I can get everything organized. I want him to have the summer to mosey around our acreage with my other horse. My post here is so that I can feel what I feel and have people who I can share my agony with. I love my Dakota! He can be such a jerk. That's what attracted me to him was his jerkiness. He has a presence that was and is 'my perfect dream horse since early childhood'. He loves attention. He acts stubborn but really he is a big softy. Medicating him isn't a cure, it's just drugs and I fear that he will get silly then really hurt himself and suffer a horrible death. When he crosses the rainbow bridge our Katie can welcome him. And Foxy who was my first horse is there too. Again, I'm losing so much of what I lived for. I got Foxy in early September 2003 and was overjoyed to finally have a horse of my own. She was about 27 and very kind. On November 5th that year my father died. He was my hero and Foxy helped me so much when that happened. Dad was 91 and he just had worn out. Even though it was not really a surprise it was awful to lose the one parent who actually loved me. On March 5th '04 I received a call that Foxy had died. I was so devastated. The grief was almost unbearable. I knew I was grieving my father and Foxy. My husband was wonderful. He was my 'knight in shining coveralls'. He did everything he could to comfort me. I made a promise to Foxy that I would get another horse and I would do everything I could to make its life as good as she had made mine. On April Fools I bought Dakota. My dorky boy. Now, my promise to Foxy is to make Dakota's life ending as peaceful and respectful as possible. I want people to know that our furred, feathered, finned or scaled family are just as important to us as our human loved ones. Marita