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Jack passed away two years ago as of tomorrow. It was a traumatic day for me as it happened on the way out to a movie, very unexpectedly, and right in my arms. He was my everything! Over the course of the 8 yrs we dated he wrangled my independence from me as he was so old fashioned and insisted on taking care of me. I was, after so many years, completely dependent on him. We were only engaged, and secretly, as his youngest son had not quite accepted us as a couple. The day he passed plays out in my mind. It haunts me. Why didn't we live closer to a hospital? Why did it take so long for the EMT's to get to us? Why was I so panicked that I forgot our street address at first? Did I do the chest compressions hard enough? If I stayed calmer would I have been able to be more rational and maybe help him more? ALL POINTLESS CONCERNS! It all happened and can't be changed and I know I did the best that I possibly could have done. I just miss him so much and wonder if anything would have possibly been able to keep him alive. The funniest goofiest guy in person, but the most engaging cool fun and larger than lifer personality to everyone on the surface! He was huge in stature as well. So the loss of my best friend and other half still has me at a total loss. I have the hole of a giant man in my heart. One I know can not possibly ever be filled. It may eventually be patched, but there was only one man for me. He accepted everything about me, loved me despite my imperfections, worshiped the ground I walked on and made me laugh on a daily basis. Today i broke down after work thinking how proud he would be of all that I have accomplished over these last two years, which made me feel guilt or sadness because I did it without him. I have moved so far in my life from our happiness, and it made me feel sad and ashamed kind of. We were perfect and here I am so different and so changed that I hardly recognize my own life. All positive stuff, but growth made without the man I nested and planned on spending my forever with. It SUCKS feeling this way! I miss my love nugget and his extreme burritos every day! (extreme burrito is being tackled by a giant and held against your will so you can't move your limbs when you are having a bad day. Can't help but smile eventually haha) he was such a loving goof ball who literally worshiped me, and I him. I lived for tricking or scaring or pranking him. We both brought foolishness and happiness to each other daily! I will never fill that void his departure has created! He was my ONE?