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My grandfather has been a stand-in father for my whole life. He took me and my siblings in over a decade ago and he's done nothing but love and support us throughout everything. He's been such a strong, compassionate rock for the whole family and he's slowly withering away from stage IV pancreatic cancer. He beat it once and after months of chemo, a huge operation, and a long grueling recovery it came back. Between the chemo and radiation, he's tired, he can hardly eat, he's pale and in so much pain. I try talking to him and being there for him as much as possible but my brain can't stop wandering to the fact that this is the beginning of the end. The end of the barbecue's, holidays, birthday parties, movie nights, an end to our long talks during the summer by the pool. Every little positive memory between him and I feels like the last one I'll ever have. I still call, text, go over and cook, or do anything I can to be by his side, but knowing the other shoe is gonna drop sooner or later has me on the verge of tears nearly every day. My family and I are all coping the best we can but I feel so distant from everyone. How can I try and stay positive throughout all this? How can I bring us as a family together to be there for him? How can I power through schoolwork and life's responsibilities when all I want to do is cry and sleep? I just feel broken and frustrated at how unfair this all is and how sad it is that I only have so many days left with him. I feel so nostalgic for the times where I never had this giant thunderstorm hanging over my head and could just enjoy spending time with my grandpa.

Hi awesome people, I lost my father in 2017 a few months before starting my Masters in Innovation & Future Tech. I have used his loss as the source of inspiration for my project + thesis. Aiming to help those who are like us—members of this unfortunate club, dealing with loss. I would really appreciate if any of you would partake in my survey linked below: https://goo.gl/forms/Qw74fKCXAKHtwXXk2 It will require some of your time and all answers will remain confidential and only used for personal academic research. Thanks for reading. Your help and insight will be used to generate a solution for others like us.

Its been 12 days since my father passed away. We already had his viewing and mass funeral. I am devastated. I had such a close relationship with my father. He was basically my best friend. I spent most of my days with him and we talked about EVERYTHING. I love my father so much. I always worried about my dad while he was sick and my routine always went around his. But why do I feel like I'm not crying as much as I should? Its like tears won't come out. Is this normal? I am so hurt and sad but I feel like I'm not feeling what I'm supposed to be feeling right now. Am I numb from everything? I'm a person who likes to acknowledge and feel all my emotions so I don't understand why I'm not feeling what I want to feel right now. I want to cry and feel sad when I'm at home but I feel like a part of me isn't grieving. Or maybe this lack of "feeling" IS part of grieving? I don't know and I am so confused with my own emotions.

I went to Flagstaff and played the cello at a contra dance in Flagstaff tonight with my band. I actually left early. I have never ever left a gig early. No one seemed surprised and they were kind and told me to have a safe drive home. I live an hour away. No one asked me any questions; I think they understand because they are all pretty much my age or older and have been through their own grieving at some point. They also understand because they played at my dad's Celebration of Life, and well, they are my friends... But I keep thinking I should explain and I really can't explain why I am so exhausted so frequently and so easily. I think I am getting better in some ways, but the exhaustion is still the same. Is this part permanent? I have on several occasions described what I am going through as being like caught in a riptide, where this strong undercurrent is pulling at you hard and out to sea, while on the surface everything looks normal. Will this last forever? Anyone have any idea?

I'm Amber, I recently lost my Grandmother, nanny, June 25. She passed at home with the help of Hospice. They treated her so well. I just feel so alone. Everyone told me that time will heal this pain and in time it'll get better but how much time? I feel like it just gets worse. I miss her so much and I don't want to talk to my family because I know they hurt too, they really don't need my pain too. It just hurts so much, to know that I will never be able to hold her hand, or have a conversation with her, she's irreplaceable. I could just really use someone.

Hi, I have read lots of different stories on here, and I feel like id like to vent, and also be able to have some people to talk to and for you all to give me advice, I would like to keep you all updated on every stage, and will come back regularly, so that people in my postion can follow what is happening. Okay so me and my girlfriend have been together 1 year and a half, we have had the most amazing relationship, i constantly smile when i am around her, and get so excited to see her, she is my world. she is the girl i would one day like to marry, and have children with. but that is a long way off, its just when i look to the future she is always in it. My girlfriend lives in the UK with me, not with me but in the same area. Her dad lives in America. He is a cowboy, she thinks the world of her dad. At christmas she went to visit him, she had the most amazing time, and couldn't wait to come back to me to tel me all about it, and for us to start our new year together. She left to the airport, got to london, and as soon as she got back, not even had a chance to get to me, she had a phone call that her dad had a accident, it was bad enough for her to have to fly back that day to him. He was in intensive care, had tubes everywhere, and the future wasn't looking god. He hung in there, he fought to survive. She came home a month later,her dad was recovering, but couldn't move from the neck down. My girlfriend was devastated, she told me before she come home, i should read up on grief, because she will be going through it, I did a little, but when she got back she seemed okay, she did seem not like her normal self, but that was understandable. We tried to enjoy ourselves but things started to not be the same, we weren't as close, she was living with me at the time in my parents house, because we got broken into before she went to america, she is so independant she didn't like it and needed her space, i guess we were probably annoying each other with that too, it wasnt ideal. anyway back on track, things weren't the same, but she never spoke to me about any of it, i felt like she didn't love me any more, i kept hassling her, asking why she is being like this, i didn't even think about the grief, i think i was being selfish but didn't realise at the time. She fund a flat to move into, a few things happened and we bickered a bit, and then she split up with me, telling me she needs to be on her own.. she didn't give me any explanations, i had to come to my own conclusions. its not a situation i have ever been in before. so its hard to get my head around. I love her, i wish she needed me so i could help her through this horrible time she is going through. I have spoken to her a bit, at the beginning i was pressurising her, asking if we will be okay, she kept saying she thinks we will be, but after a few days of not hearing from her, id end up calling her again, wanting to hear the same thing, eventually i think i pushed it too far, she said she is happier on her own, and this is the right decision for her. After reading these posts, i know that i cant pressure her, i text her last night, saying I've read up on greif and understand why she has done this. she seemed happy that i read up on it, and that i am understanding. Next week she is going to see her dad for easter. i hope it is a positive trip. We have tickets to see a concert on the 6th, i hope we still go, before i pushed her too far she said she wanted to still go with me. i will let you know how everything goes, i just want some advice really, how do i play it, if she wont contact me shall i still contact her, just to let her know im thinking of her, i dont want to push her away, but i dont want her to move on with out me. Reading other posts have really made me feel better about it all, knowing its not as uncommon as i thought, however i really hope we end up okay. I know she loves me, im hoping its just time she needs. I want to be there for her, i hope this doesn't end us, its seems so unfair for something that is beyond our control to finish our relationship, when it has not ended naturally. Any stories where this has happened and it ended happily ever after would be amazing, im trying to think positively about it all! Thank you guys if you reply, i really need some support that aren't my friends and family right now.. they cant seem to understand why she is doing this, and think she is doing it on purpose, and are not being very good about it, they have to understand, that if the accident didn't happen, wed be together, she told me that.. its this that has done it to us! Please help!!!