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I am starting this discussion because I want to pass along some insights from I book I have read. This book is Grief Diaries -  How To Help The Newly Bereaved, by Lynda Cheledin Fell. It is one of a series of books one of which I was a participant in. These books are compiled of stories and feelings shared by those who have walked the path. In many ways they are much like this site full of people sharing their grief and growing because of it. The prime directive is simply.............. supporting, not guiding. I have learned of many mistakes I have made over the years and sadly still do for I respond so much more to emotion than I did before I lost my wife. It takes discipline to keep one's mouth shut before speaking until things have had a chance to gel and unfortunately when grieving we tend to fall victim to that but we can forgive ourselves right now because we are doing the best we can. We do however learn as we go so things that roll so easily off our tongues should be accepted as us just trying to ease each others pain and we'll think twice next time. Many parts of this book are informative and I was drawn to " A Toolbox of How You Can Help". The chapters are set up for passages by the several participants who through years along this journey give insight to what serves us best when someone tries to help. Most of the contributors in the book are further down the road than I and are quite articulate. I would recommend it Marty now that I have read it through. it isn't a catch all but it is quite insightful. Stephen