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I've lost many pets, but the recent loss of my best friend Heaven has hit me like no other. My heart is shattered, every day is a challenge... How do I live with the pain of her loss? I don't want to "move on" or forget, I've actually had days where I can't leave my house... I get In the shower and I start to sob, things go down hill from there. I don't understand why my pain gets worse as the days go by, in the past I'd be sad then mad then numb. I haven't even gotten throw something at the wall mad like I did when one of my cats passed suddenly. I don't know how to handle it and my friends don't know how to help. Sunday my husband and I got into it, he never really let on how much he is hurting, I try to hide my pain from him and I guess he does the same but Sunday we both kind of pounced. back in the shower the hot tears of sorrow just started and they kept coming, I curled up on one of Heavens beds holding her pillow desperately trying to smell her. I cried for hours at the same time texting my gf and the last thing she needs right now is her crazy friend adding to her stress... I got the booklet that came with Heavens remains and found this site.. Yesterday in Florida where I am stuck living a man killed his gf, her father, shot her two young sons and two other witnesses, one of the young boys died this am and his father has been on the news. I'm watching the news bawling for the loss this man feels. If I'm having this much trouble dealing with my loss I can't even begin to imagine how he is going to deal with his. ????