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Hello. My name is Laurie. I was recently introduced to this site by a grief counselor at the mortuary where my husband was cremated/where we held his service. My husband, Robert, died on December 27, 2014. He was 38 years old; I was 43 (now 45). Our fifth wedding anniversary was on June 4th of this year. Since his death, I have tried, struggled and finally given up on finding the "right" place to meet widows and widowers who are near my age. I've tried a handful of local groups (one was even called "Young Widows and Widowers")... and the second youngest person at the table besides me was 58. While I know that each of us experiences grief in our own ways and NO ONE can or should compare the hurt and devastation that we each go through, I feel like if I could talk to women (or men) in my age group and circumstance (a professional who works every day) surely it would be of some help to me. Right? I would certainly welcome and appreciate replies from anyone who wishes to do so; but what I'd really love is to hear from folks that are in my age group and find out how YOU are coping. Me -- how am I coping? Not a day goes by that I don't think of my very BEST friend, the person who made me laugh THE MOST, the person with whom I shared EVERYTHING. I think of Robert throughout the day and and have lived with the feeling of "tamping down the urge" to message him, text him, email him, call him, for almost two years... and it's an incredibly heavy burden. Robert was a technology guru and was paid well for it. He taught me (and really everyone he knew) all that he knew about everything "geek". We IMd each other throughout the day when we were both at work and I mean ALL DAY, sharing our work day with each other and sending each other countless stories and videos online. Not having him to talk to has been the worst feeling I've ever experienced. He was the smartest (I'd like to insert a swear word here, but I don't want to get into trouble!) person I'd ever met! My God how I miss hearing his thoughts on things... his perspective, especially during this insane election year. Robert was a political animal and I became even more of one during the eight wonderful years we had together. Anyway... I don't want to ramble too much in my first post. I just want to ask people: how do you/we go on after we've lost the most important person in our lives? I am thinking about joining an online dating site, only because I am so incredibly lonely. I miss male companionship. Do men even want to date widows? I feel like there's a stigma attached to me/us, that potential mates will think, "oh, I could never live up to the person she lost", so they might not even try. Of course, I've been afraid because I know that no man will ever live up to the standard that Robert set in my heart and my mind, but I feel like I could love someone again, just in a different way. It's such a strange predicament to be in... I waited to get married until I was two weeks shy of my 40th birthday. I waited so long to find the perfect guy for me... and we were only husband and wife for three short years. Sigh. How many times have I asked myself (and others, of course) WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME? Why did this happen to Robert? The anger and incredulity at my situation is suffocating and piercing at times. I'm going to stop now before I get into a crying jag that will go on for a while... I hope to hear from others who are in the same boat as me. Thanks for listening. ~LB

This is my first post, very new to this online group thing. Lost my amazing, beautiful, wonderful 41 yr old husband on February 23rd 2015. Wondering if I will ever wake up and not remember how many days it's been. Wondering if I will ever make it through an entire day without crying. Wondering if the new me is someone that my old friends are still going to love. Wondering if I will ever un-see what I saw in the hospital. Wondering why this happened-to us- when all we asked for was to be allowed to love each other in our own little corner of this world. Wondering how I will survive. I know I will, just unsure HOW.

My husband died in his sleep 5 months ago and I thought I was doing ok, but just this week I feel like I've slid back so far. I have a high-pressure, high-stress job that has gotten more taxing, and today I sat in my office crying, and have been so anxious and ineffective. I can't help but wonder if anyone else has backslid to this extent? Is this normal?