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The daily struggle...


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Patty,

I know you are going through a lot with the business and that just serves to make Ron's absence all the harder as normally that'd be something you'd deal with together.  You're in my prayers as you sort out how to best deal with this landlord, etc.  The way will be made plain to you, it won't stay like this.

Mitch,

That's hard.  I haven't even dealt with some of the "stuff" from the past, it IS painful and frankly, I'd need someone to help me as physically I can't tackle or move a lot of it.  I have not only my life with George here, but my "family" (my kids' dad and the kids childhoods) so much stuff that brings up memories and emotions.  I don't think I've ever felt ready to deal with it but I'd give it a good try if I had help.  More power to you, I know how hard it is.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Thinking of you on this day Patty when Ron left one year ago.

Always remember he travels with you

:wub:

crecent moon 5.jpg

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Patty, not sure if you'll drop in today, but know we're all thinking of you...

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Just to let you all know Patty is winging her way back to Maui as I write this. We spent Thursday remembering Ron and celebrating his life and Kathy's as well.  Emotional yes but loving it was and now we start another year fully aware that the pain and memories do not end here but we have each other and she will survive while our love for them shall never end. She will write again when she finds herself strong enough but she has read what you all have written. It helps. It truly does. I will be flying to Maui in 25 days to celebrate Kathy's birthday there, a place she truly loves and I will share it with a lady who I also love quite deeply. This is all something I cannot explain and frankly don't even care to try.

It is what it is.

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I also look at people and feel resentment they are still here too. I feel guilty for doing that but I can't help it. Today when I saw on my newsfeed that Bill Paxton died I thought well at least lucky for him he lived past 34. He didn't even get to make it to his 35th Bday. His children won't remember him they are so young. I wish I knew how to go on with my life. I don't feel like any of it is real. 

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16 hours ago, KATPILOT said:

This is all something I cannot explain and frankly don't even care to try.

No need to, we're just so glad for you both and hope you enjoy many many years of happiness together.  I'm glad you have someone that understands this journey and that you can share in even this together, you may find it brings you closer together for being able to do so.

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On 2/26/2017 at 5:15 PM, KATPILOT said:

It is what it is.

And, that is what it is.  If you can help Patty along I wish you both much success.  I think you both can understand the grief, so you share much.  Happiness for you both. 

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  • 3 weeks later...


I have been gone from here a long time, several months, but it is almost exactly a year ago that I joined this site.  There are several reasons why it has been hard to post. It is also hard to explain those reasons for right now, if that is ok, I will just let that be.

I have passed the year mark of Ron's death.  I have passed the year mark of his service.  And four days later, last week, Maui Pasta was served its eviction notice to the property Ron and I dreamed of and rented a year and a half prior to his passing.  It is not for lacking to pay our rent.  It is about a dispute over them raising our rent while at the same time disrupting our sales and business by putting For Sale signs all over the property. And it is about the first 10 months of our lease in which we couldn't use the property due to issues on the property we had no control over... and rent abatement as we started up finally, which they are renegging on.

It's just that. I'm hurting. I'm aching. Ron and I had always talked about these "what ifs".  All the documents I am trying to find to prove our case are ones we did together. I don't want to be without him in court next Monday. Tears my heart out to think of and go through everything we've been through here.  Looking through all those documents, our "dynamic duo" "two musketeers" fight we had to get this place going. I don't want to face this.  I don't want to face a move of the company, I don't want to face any of it.  There are so many people who helped save Maui Pasta since Ron died. Sometimes I want to Run far away from it all, but I have to do the right thing, and make sure the investors' money is protected.  At the same time, we just got into Safeway, and other stores, and we cannot keep up with demand.  And this hits, and there is just no place to move the business to, and the landlords are blocking and threatening to keep us from signing new leases, which will be hard enough given it has been such a rough financial year without Ron.  Every second of dealing with it feels like torture and reliving what should have been. Oh, it hurts.

I never used to exactly understand what it meant for the second year to be so hard. For that reality to just dig in so deeply -- or more deeply than I thought it could even go. For Denial to still hit me, and make me rattle my head in disbelief, shaking off a reality that just cannot be. It still can be so hard to believe, that those dreams that we were working so hard for, a simple easier life, a business to be proud of together, that they have vanished. Poof. Gone.

Oh how I need my Ron to do this court fight with me, he would know just what to do, he knows these landlord jerks, he had ideas and was even planning for this contingency, he would be able to fight them to help me save what little we have left of our dream.  If that is what I want, I just don't know anymore. :(

Thank you for listening.  I've missed you all so.

Patty

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Patty, I'm mean.  If that landlord put his hands on your partner I want you to sue his..........self.  I know they had to have taken pictures.  Sue him and take the whole building.  I know it cannot be so simple, unless you have pictures, take the whole building.

I have only had two tickets, I forgot about the no seat belt ticket Billy and I both got when they were $25 each.  My other ticket was $10.  But the older I get the meaner.  I wish you all the luck in the world my friend.

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Thank you Marg.  I have recently talked with my therapist about how I have felt so unlike who I used to be through all of this.  So short with people at work, I look at them blankly without feeling... I say things without filtering through my "nice" filter anymore.  blunt so as to feel mean.   I don't like who I've become.  Maybe I have to use that to my advantage with this legal situation. ;) 

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Patty my heart is with you.  I am feeling some of the same things you are but without the eviction.  I'm so sorry this is happening to you after all you have been through.  I will be praying for you to find the path to what you want and hoping you are able to save your dream if that is what you choose.  Put on the big B panties and kick their a$$.  I will be there in spirit cheering for you.  There are so many of us here that will be there in spirit for you.

Be well.  You've been missed but I can understand why.  Big hugs ??

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Oh my dear Patty. What can I say? We are with you and pulling for you with all our might. I am so, so sorry that you are being dragged through such a horror story. Not fair. Not fair at all. You are in our thoughts, in our hearts and in our prayers ~ and I hope those landlords of yours get stuck in a volcano eruption or something equally suitable for the likes of them. :angry:

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Patty,

My heart just aches for you.  I wish I could be there for you physically but I can't as so many others can't.  I hope you feel our collective arms around you. I am so very sorry you are going through this.  You must remember that you are doing the best you can.  I cannot take your hurt away but I can tell you that we are here for you.  :wub: 

Anne

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Patty,

Is it at all possible to buy the building?  You have a viable business, as you say, with more than you can handle.  I hate to see it disrupted, and I can only imagine the stress this is putting you under.  I wish you nothing but the best and pray you get clear direction and renewed determination for the fight.  You're in all our thoughts...

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That is written in the lease that we have the option, but it is written in to buy it for 1.7 Million!  It is not worth it, the building is actually illegal in so many ways, these are really landlords who try to get away with everything.  The only way we got the water permit was for the landlord to "promise" to get the whole building legal again, which they never did.  They are billionaires as well.  I've never been part of a court case with a jury, but that is what is being recommended. 

Since I was young, the thing about death that always was... unfathomable I guess... is all the knowledge that is lost... a lifetime of acquiring, then gone. All the things Ron knew and felt... just gone.  At least from sight.  If there was only a way to tap into all of that.  I could so use that right now.  I knew this was coming.  It's just. How to survive now that it is here.

 

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I do know what you mean by 

1 hour ago, Patty65 said:

... is all the knowledge that is lost... a lifetime of acquiring, then gone. All the things Ron knew and felt... just gone.  At least from sight.  If there was only a way to tap into all of that.  I could so use that right now.  I knew this was coming.  It's just. How to survive now that it is here.

 

Each time I try to use the equipment here that was his or to do his man chores I feel defeated before I start.  All the knowledge and life experiences gone.  All I can say is I don't pretend to fathom the depth of your situation but I understand repercussions of inexperience.  

On Friday I needed to use our Mitsubishi tractor to remove some 11 shrubs in the yard.  They were planted too close together to try to dig them out so I tried to remember if he had done anything similar and figure out what he did and how he did it.  I was here alone as usual and went ahead with wrapping a sling around the shrub then back to the bucket on the tractor, there was no hook so I had to wrap another sling around the bucket and join it to the first sling.

I got on the tractor and thought to him, please help me here.  The area I was in was not perfectly level but it wasn't bad so I figured that I could lift the bucket and pull up on the shrub.  I tried it but couldn't seem to break it loose.  I put the tractor in gear and started to reverse.  Everything seemed ok and then the tractor started to tip to one side. It went so far I thought it was going to roll onto its side so I quickly pushed the clutch in.  The tension on the sling loosened and the tractor righted itself.  I was so glad and frightened at the same time. 

In those moments of the tractor tipping I was so afraid, angry and devastated.  I should have paid attention when he tried to teach me, I never thought I needed to learn because he would always be there to do it.  Sadly, our lives are harshly forever changed and will continue to change.  Hugs ? to you.

I learned that day to pay attention when you have an opportunity to learn something new, don't operate potentially dangerous equipment when you are alone, and asking for help is a smart thing to do.  All 11 shrubs were removed, no human was actually injured during the activity, I will wait for my son to be home to try to till the area that the shrubs were in.  IT ENDED WELL

 

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Thank goodness your story ended well, Marita! How frightening that must have been for you! I'm so sorry!

Patty, my dear, I think the best thing you can do (short of hiring an attorney, which you may have done already) is to consult with a third party is get the best advice you can find, from someone you know and trust ~ someone who is not emotionally attached to your business and who can help you look at this situation more objectively, keeping your best interests in mind as you review your options. (What little experience I've had with hiring an attorney taught me that the only ones who make any money in a lawsuit are the attorneys.) My heart just hurts for you  

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