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The daily struggle...


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OMG How scary for you Marita! I too ask for Ron's help...  I had been a single mom for 9 years before I met and married Ron... and I was so happy to have someone to ask for help... to take over tasks... used to do everything myself... now things are falling apart in shambles in the house I am never at.  I guess I COULD do the yard blah blah. Gosh I just can't get the will to.  Besides too much work, the memories of him doing it -- I haven't quite gotten past it enough.

So glad too that everything worked out ok!

Hugs,

Patty

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Finding the desire to do do some of the old tasks can be so debilitating.  The satisfaction of a job well done isn't always enough motivation for me to get started on things. Working on the tractor and being reasonably competent at it is something I really wish I could talk to my husband about.  It would mean so much to know if he was proud of me for some of the things/fears I have been forced to overcome.  I believe that when he chose death it was about something deep inside him that had nothing to do with me, our son, or our marriage.  He never hinted at being in any kind of pain, or of not wanting to live, or at wanting to die.  It's been almost 15 months since he died and I still have no idea why.  I'm not angry that he left me in this way.  I'm just so very sorry that he felt death was the answer to his pain.

Patty you are an amazing lady.  I'm going to be cheering for you. ?

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43 minutes ago, Widowedbysuicide said:

Finding the desire to do do some of the old tasks can be so debilitating.  The satisfaction of a job well done isn't always enough motivation for me to get started on things. Working on the tractor and being reasonably competent at it is something I really wish I could talk to my husband about.  It would mean so much to know if he was proud of me for some of the things/fears I have been forced to overcome.  I believe that when he chose death it was about something deep inside him that had nothing to do with me, our son, or our marriage.  He never hinted at being in any kind of pain, or of not wanting to live, or at wanting to die.  It's been almost 15 months since he died and I still have no idea why.  I'm not angry that he left me in this way.  I'm just so very sorry that he felt death was the answer to his pain.

Patty you are an amazing lady.  I'm going to be cheering for you. ?

I believe your husband is proud of you for what you have overcome. Death does not separate what he was and how he felt about you.  I imagine that if my wife was alive today she would be encouraging and supporting me as before.

Here are some resources I found concerning your tractor pull:  

 

It may not be exact but the internet has some amazing videos to learn about how to do most anything.  It doesn't replace your husband but will help you to fill in the gaps when you are ready to learn. (by the way, I know nothing about tractors, so you are way ahead of the curve on me).

At fifteen months, your grief is still fresh and new.  I'm at 25 months, and I still go through some tough grief cycles. It is a part of this afterlife of deep love we shared for our beloved. We all take this journey one step at a time. - Shalom, George

 

 

 

 

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Did you know when I first started medical transcription we did not even have proper books. (State hospital).  Of course, that was so long ago, I did start on the IBM Selectric and hated computers.  Rather have 4-5 copies to correct.  Then when we got computers we didn't have spell check.  I never had that until about 10 years before I retired.  Then computers took my job (voice recognition) and I had to be an editor and correct a doctor saying "parenthesis" and the computer hearing "bull flatus."  I wish I had left it and retired right then.  

(And I'm sorry, did not look what the topic was.  It was the last thing that came to my email and I will read them tomorrow, did not mean to hijack). 

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Marg M, you are too funny, and thanks for that!

MartyT, I used to ask my Dad stuff because I figured he as so old he must know everything!!  My dear old Dad was 45 when I was born.  

If he didn't know then it was Encyclopedia Britannica time.  

My dear old Dad is gone and so is my husband; I don't know where a printed current encyclopedia could be found so I rely on my son looking it up on Google or Jeeves or whatever ? 

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I consider myself a pretty competent person, but I too will look something up on the internet.  Mark was like a walking encyclopedia.  He was so smart and had so much knowledge in his brain.  When I begin to attempt something that would have fell under his area of expertise (which was a LOT) and I begin to struggle, I get REALLY mad and angry because I HATE struggling with something.  When I am doing something as simple as cleaning (here's a laugh for you George) and it turns into a Three Stooges event, I have literally taken a broom and slammed it to the ground because it was the only thing that did NOT fall over.  

Patty, I am so sorry you have all this to deal with....and I know what it feels like to not have that rock to lean on.  Mark's advice was what I relied on and trusted in.  Just having someone who has your back at ALL times; it can't be replaced. It's funny though; when we think we no longer have any fight left is when it comes on the strongest.  

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That is so true Maryann how we still have fight left in us even when all seems lost.  We fall down and get up. We will never do things the way they would have done yet we find a way and no matter how bleak a situation, the sun will still rise the next day. All is not lost when we hold their love inside us.

Patty always remember a dream never dies and new dreams come into our lives when we least expect them.:wub:   Sometimes it takes one dream to lead us to the next one.

We will get through this. We were always going to.

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Patty (and others) remember "A woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt.  I figure that woman knew what she was saying. 

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Patty,

You don't have to buy it for 1.7 million just because the lease states that number.  You can make them an offer, same as anyone can, and they have the option to take it or leave it.  If they want to sell it they will have to be realistic about it's value or it will not sell.  

A friend of mine has 8 1/2 acres with a log cabin and a great view, timbered property.  Her husband tried selling it for years, but he had an inflated opinion about what it was worth.  It did not sell.  He's been dead for one year and she decided to sell it and downsize.  She listed it for a reasonable price and three hours later it sold.  We can't ask just any price and expect it to happen!

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Patty,

Marty's response brought to my mind, SCORE.  It's an organization of retired businessmen that help young businesses with their planning and solutions, and they do it for free.  You might see if there's a branch in your area, I know they have them all over the US and we have one here in Eugene.

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