Not Coping

[Jetsmum]

Last year my mum passed away in my arms following a massive stroke.  I have lived with her all my life and taken care of her during her later years.  I miss her so very much, it is now 18 months but I still have terrible days when I miss her so much and cry all day.  I cannot sleep at these times.  I am retired and live alone with very few friends.  Does anyone relate to this, is my grief ever going to get better, I really miss her so much 

[kayc]

It can take longer than people first realize.  I am so sorry for your loss.  We had someone on here named James that had a hard time with his mum's loss, he was in his 50's I think, and I'm sure he could relate to what you're experiencing.

We do get better at coping and adjusting in time but we continue to miss them always.

[seachelle]

Hi there, I've heard it gets better, and based on the vast number of people who go on to live productive lives after experiencing major loss, just think, all of our parents also lost their parents and went on to live productive lives.  It seems that that is possible.  I don't think it's possible to fully ever stop missing the person, and that will cause some sadness.  I think like all depressive conditions, improving the symptoms of grief takes active practice.  I think we have to be mindful of ourselves and not judge ourselves too harshly even though society would prefer us to just get over it.  I think it means finding value and connections in new experiences.  Yoga isn't going to cure your grief, and niether will a book club, but one thing i know for sure is that sitting around alone will definitely make it worse.

[kayc]

I have learned to carry my grief with me.  We are never the same after major loss.  I've never been the same kind of "happy" as I was before my husband died.  Before it's like I was naive, not having a clue how fast my life could change in a blind second!  BUT, I've learned to appreciate life, not taking anything for granted, appreciating each moment fully, living more fully in the moment.  I've learned to appreciate the little things, even though I've lost the biggest thing in my life.  When my mom died, nine years after my husband did, I applied the same to her death and continued on in the same way.  Our grief can stack, but so can our coping skills and everything we've learned about loss.