Dark rainy morning like my heart

[Gettingthrough79]

It's almost pitch black out because of the storm and I woke up a shaky mess as usual.

I miss my mother and all the losses I've suffered the past 2 months. I'm just laying here not knowing what to do. I even miss my abusive ex if that makes sense.

Bills are piling up, I'm more isolated then ever with people judging me.

No words make this better. How do I go on?

[kayc]

The only way I've known to go on when things were really tough (divorce, widowed, loss of job, etc.) is one day at a time and doing what you need to do to form your life in a positive direction.  I have been through many hard places in my life but maybe that's what's carried me, knowing "If I could survive (that situation), I can survive this one."  There were times I wasn't so sure, but I kept going anyway.  And get out once in a while, even if you don't feel like it.  It's the same with food, eat something healthy, even if you don't feel like it.  It's doing things to make your body healthy, stronger so it can in turn help you through your crisis.

You miss what you thought you had with XBF, you miss the dream you had with him, but it's kind of hard to miss abuse.  You are alone and grasping at straws for company (even an abusive XBF) when in reality you need to form healthier relationships that will be helpful to you, not tear you down.

I didn't realize the storm had moved up that far, the news wasn't on by the time I went to bed last night because football was on.  I hope it's dissipated considerably.

I've even played positive affirmations to help me get my mind in a better place.  Anything that works!