KATPILOT Posted October 16, 2016 Report Share Posted October 16, 2016 It's time to bring this topic back to our attention since our art auction fundraiser is behind us and we must remember that while it helped a great deal, we can't stop working to keep Marty and this important haven going. When I first found this place it was funded by Hospice of the Valley HOV here in Phoenix. Soon after I was here and in the throws of a very dark place in my life budget cuts forced HOV to stop funding to Marty. I was too deep into my own anguish to even notice the donate button at the top of the page. It wasn't that I couldn't help. It was that I couldn't see beyond my own grief. As has been spoken before, many members of our community of over eight thousand have a very hard time making ends meet and that's not only a horrific place to be but can add unwanted guilt to their grief because they can't help. That is the beauty of this place. We don't care who can afford to help. There is and never shall be a fee to participate in healing. The longer you are here, the more you begin to help others and you can't put a price tag on that. Guilt has no place here. Only love is welcome. What is important is that those of us who can help, must help. Those of you who already do so know how grateful Marty is. This thread is to remind those who haven't helped but can afford to do so to step up and those that are new, to notice the need in case their grief had them pass it by unnoticed as I had. Please keep it in mind and just do what you can. Thank you Patty for giving us a banner to connect the love with the support through this photo from the grounds of our art auction. 1 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted October 17, 2016 Report Share Posted October 17, 2016 On 10/16/2016 at 1:12 PM, KATPILOT said: We don't care who can afford to help. I admit I sometimes feel such guilt over not being able to provide funds......but while I can get by, my finances are, well....."dicey". When Connor died, his monthly checks immediately ended, and I'm trying to get by on half the income I/we had. I'm struggling, but I can provide the basics, for now. If my park did not have free wifi, I would not even be online! But, if ever I should be able, I would help fund this wonderful site! It has been SUCH a blessing to me! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 17, 2016 Report Share Posted October 17, 2016 WolfsKat, Pleas for help are not meant to leave those of us who are in dire straits feeling bad, it's to those who CAN and desire to to help out, to do so. I give a small amount every month, instead of getting a coffee out, I wish it was 100 times more, but it's what I can do. We can't feel bad about what we can't do! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 On 10/16/2016 at 1:12 PM, KATPILOT said: That is the beauty of this place. We don't care who can afford to help. There is and never shall be a fee to participate in healing. The longer you are here, the more you begin to help others and you can't put a price tag on that. Guilt has no place here. Only love is welcome. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted December 28, 2016 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2016 Today I went to find a sympathy card for a woman I know who lost her husband on Christmas day. I had met them before and had dinner at their home and though I did not know them all that well, I knew what she must be going through. I also felt compelled to send her something but when I went looking for a card I only found a bunch that said exactly the wrong thing. The clichés were so meaningless and many said exactly what we don't want to hear. It was as if they were written by people who have never experienced a loss. I was surprised I didn't find the one that said "He is in a better place". All of us who get it tell each other what we need to hear and perhaps we should be writing these cards. Perhaps it would be another way to raise money for this site. It's a thought isn't it? I am writing my own saying to put in the card I will send this lady. Perhaps there is a way we could do such a thing. I wouldn't mind your thoughts. Steve 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 28, 2016 Report Share Posted December 28, 2016 Steve, I have been making hand made cards for over 30 years, and it started because I couldn't find a card that addressed Mother's Day when I had a mother that did not fit the usual "Mother, you've always been there for me, a shining light, etc etc" I couldn't gush such sentiments when they weren't true and I'm more authentic than that. Over the years, I've made my own sympathy cards and with that comes knowing what NOT to say as much as what TO say. You don't know until you've been there. I don't know who does the writing for Hallmark and American Greeting Cards but if I were them, I would hire people who have the capacity to understand people in their different situations and make it a real variety. Unfortunately, there will always be some who write something inappropriate at the bottom because they just don't get grief. I'm happy for them in their ignorant bliss, but sorry for the rest of us recipients! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted December 28, 2016 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2016 Exactly. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted January 4, 2017 Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 The problem is that so many people buying the "condolence" cards haven't really suffered a great loss. Those who have, well, they know when they read what is available, that the phrases and meanings just do not capture the right thing. I find so many things listed on Pinterest that say they are sympathy cards, really DO know the right things that need to be said. I save them on my board...it sounds like something that perhaps needs a market. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted January 5, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 It is so true Maryann that the commercial cards appeal to the majority of people who have not had a great loss. I received a few of those myself. But the person who has lost the love of their life needs a card very different to send. I have learned to write cards and print them on a pretty paper then attach it inside a blank card. Not unlike Kay does but on a smaller scale. Art stores carry some nice thin papers and you can cut them to fit your printer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 6, 2017 Report Share Posted January 6, 2017 I like using the vellum paper. I write it out and print on it and then cut it to fit the inside of the card I make and then glue a strip of the vellum and place inside the card. I find 3M spray adhesive works the best, but I do my spraying inside a newspaper lined box as I don't want it all over the table, floor, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted January 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Kay we go through a dozen large cans of 3M spray adhesive every month at work and there is a reason I have bare concreate floors in the back room. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Oh yeah, I forgot...the line of work you're in, you WOULD be well accustomed with 3M! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 11, 2017 Report Share Posted January 11, 2017 Here you go, today's Pearls Before Swine: 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 11, 2017 Report Share Posted January 11, 2017 Perfect, Kay! ♥ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 21, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2017 Just a friendly reminder that the donate button could always use a little pushing. We did good with the auction but it is only one way to help fund this discussion group. Friends let's always remember what we would be like without it. Bless you all for what you are going through and what you do to help each other. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 21, 2017 Report Share Posted June 21, 2017 And it's been almost a year since the auction! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted December 20, 2017 Report Share Posted December 20, 2017 Dear friends, I know this is a hard time to us here on this forum and nothing seems good nor right nor really important. But maybe we can go beyond and contribute with some funding on this website that has been a source of confort and help during the whole year. What do you think? 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 21, 2017 Report Share Posted December 21, 2017 You can click the "donate" button and set up a recurring payment through Paypal that will be ongoing throughout the year. It's important that this website be allowed to continue without concern for the bills that come with maintaining it. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dennis Posted August 17, 2018 Report Share Posted August 17, 2018 I am new to this site. I lost my wife in April of 2018 HOV was for me and I appreciated it. We were married over 50 years and I am having a really rough time but working on going to support groups and reading. The last post I can see here is in December of 2017. Can someone help me to get more current posts? Thanks. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted August 17, 2018 Report Share Posted August 17, 2018 Hi Dennis I'm sure someone like @kayc will pop on here to give you info. This part of the forum is not very active, sadly. Welcome. Sorry you have suffered such a huge loss. Marita Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 17, 2018 Report Share Posted August 17, 2018 Dear Dennis, I'm so sorry for the reasons that brought you to our site, but so pleased that you've found your way to us. If you scroll to the top of this page, just click on the words Loss of a Spouse, Partner or Significant Other, and you'll be taken to a list of all the topics in this forum. Be sure to scroll down the list until you see a topic title that interests you. Click on any topic title to read all the threads in that topic. To see the most recent post in a topic, click on the time (e.g., "1 hour ago") that appears under the name of the person who posted on that topic. If you want to start a topic of your own, look at the top of the page and click on Start New Topic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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