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One Year Ago,Today


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One year ago today....I was a wife, then I became a widow.  One year ago today, I lost the man I'd waited and hoped for, for over a half a century. One year ago today, I learned the true depths of anguish and loss.  One year ago today, my world was shattered.  One year ago today.....I hoped and prayed to die also.  One year ago today........I lost my faith.  One year ago today....the world suddenly became dark, and meaningless.  One year ago, today.......I lost my beloved husband, Connor Carroll Clark.  And, although I am working towards a "new" (not better) life for me.....and hoping I can make it meaningful....(because he would wish it)....I KNOW that I will never be as happy as I was when I shared a life with him.....although I am grateful for the time we DID have (less than 5 years)......it hurts to know, with certainty, that the happiest time of my life is.....over.....one year ago, today.  I will miss my Connor for what's left of my time on this plane.......achingly, endlessly.......this will not be assuaged until my time here is also over and I can be with him again. This is my favorite picture of my Connor, I took it a few years ago........on the beach, at the ocean, where he was the happiest.......I have no more words.

My Connor.jpg

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I'm so sorry Kat.  October used to be my favorite month.  We would tour the many forest roads around in Arkansas to take photographs, or for Billy to take them when I'd point out places to him.  I have dreaded this month for a year now.  I hate the year 2015 also.  I feel your pain, we all feel your pain.  Nothing anyone can say gives us peace, yet that is what we wish for each and everyone that has to go through this anguish.  

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Kathy what a beautiful picture of Connor can truly see how happy he was at the beach, I truly can feel your love and your pain I hope you found some comfort yesterday I am sure Connor knows how much you love and miss him and he will be waiting for you with arms wide open when it is time and then forevertruly starts.

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Kathie I hope indeed this next year is the year you find your life meaningful once again. I can't say that I am as happy as I was six years ago but I can still say I'm happy. Perhaps it's true that we won't find life better but to keep trying is so important. You understand how Connor would want that for you and what a wonderful tribute you make for him.

I see him happy on the beach in no small part because of who he was looking at.

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I can see why that's your favorite picture, it helps me picture your life with him, his expression says so much.  I can relate to the words you wrote...it is how I feel too.

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